This is part of a series shared ecumenically with members to whom I was assigned; the goal was to start conversation and deep thought, and many of these messages led to great conversations.
Yes, If
Original Publication Date: 20 August 2025
I heard a story about an American who visited Bucharest shortly after the fall of the Soviet Union. He observed an old man in his hotel painting a piece of furniture in the lobby, though after only a couple of paint strokes he would disappear into a nearby room, then return after a few seconds to apply a few more brush strokes, then another trip to the nearby room. It piqued the American’s interest so much that he had to investigate, and he found that the paint was in one room, and the furniture was in the lobby. The storyteller recounted that under the Communist regime that innovation, questioning, and individuality were frowned upon and the old man had learned to do as he was told, not to ask questions, not to move anything, not to innovate in any way, but to accomplish the task he’d been given.
No, Because
When you live under and perpetuate a culture where the answer is always “No, because…”, you stifle growth in yourself and your people. Have you ever been in a situation where the expectation is if you ask anything, good or bad, the answer is going to be “no, because…”
I’ll give an example from the maintenance world, there is a part (Air Cycle Machine) in the F-22 that is heavy enough to be a two-man lift. It’s also impossible to get two people under to remove from the airplane, so it requires a crane. Many years ago someone asked the ingenious question if we could build a T-handle so that two people could lift it out of the aircraft instead of using the crane. The answer was, “No, because if that would work the manufacturer would have already given it to us, and because the approvals and Technical Order Change Request (TOCR) would take forever.” I watched that one answer stifle creativity and innovation and morale in the entire shop. Later we did get engineer support and metals-tech buy-in and the tool was well on its way to approval when I left the F-22 program, because it was an awesome idea.
When we say “No, because…” we give a definite denial, and in most cases that’s not good for anyone. Time constraints and legal concerns are the only time I can think of where we’d want to use “No, because the AFI expressly forbids it” or “No, I can’t train you right now because this line needs to fly in five minutes and lives depend on it.”
Yes, If
A much better response provides a conditional approval, and puts the responsibility on the asker to make good decisions. From the Bucharest story, perhaps the helpful answer would be, “Yes, you can move the paint closer to the furniture, if it will make you a more efficient painter and you make provisions not to spill paint on the carpet.”
“Yes, if” gives hope and opportunity, fosters innovation, and gives people a stake in the success of the project. It’s better for everyone involved, even if the “if” is impossible, such as if the budget cannot support or the task proves impossible, then the “if” is saying no, not you.
I want to encourage you that this should be your default answer. I’ve spoken with a half-dozen Airmen across the base in the past month who feel they are not being mentored or trained, and who get shut down every time they ask a question. If someone asks you for help, consider saying, “Yes, if you’ll check out tools and pay attention and ask questions and your supervisor agrees.” It puts the onus on them to make it easy for you to say yes, but your willingness to say yes is there.
“Yes, if” also serves to keep you from being perceived as the bad guy. At my last base I had someone ask to do something that amounted to money-laundering; it would have been easy to yell and berate, but instead I said, “You for sure can do that, so long as you are prepared to spend years in prison and be an Airman Basic for the rest of your life.” They got the point and considered the legality of their request and came up with a better, even legal, plan.
My crowning achievement as a supervisor was “Airman Drive Fridays” where I’d give the radio, board, and (if they had a flightline driver’s license) the expediter van to someone who was years from being an expediter. Many great experiences came from that, but I’ll always remember a Friday where my Pro-Super (who is a Chief now) and I were talking about our low-manning on that particular day. I told him I was going to put an Airman in the seat for “Airman Drive Fridays”, and he said, “Well then it better be TSgt fixes airplanes and takes out the trash Friday.” His point was taken, he wanted me to have latitude to run my shop, but not to hinder the mission, it was “yes, if” without using those exact words. At the end of the night when I took out the trash he laughed and said he didn’t really mean it, but if that’s what it took to get to yes, it was worth it.
I’m not perfect at this, but I was beyond proud when the phrase, “find a way to yes” ended up on my going-away plaque (which I didn’t write) from my previous assignment.
Make It Easy for Me to Say Yes
Consider this when asking for a yes: how can you anticipate those “if” questions? An example we’re all familiar with is taking leave; your training and IMR have to be up to date and the manning of the shop has to be able to compensate. Therefore “Can I take leave?” is not so good as, “I’m up to date on TFAT and IMR, so-and-so will be here to take the reins on these dates, can I take leave?”
I don’t know if it’s my old-age or just a general frustration, but I find myself responding more and more these days with, “Go think this through and come back when you’ve made it easier for me to say yes.” I think about that every time I ask for something, have I made it easy for them to say yes? Have I anticipated the “if” questions?
Conclusion
It’s easy to say “no”. But that’s not good for you or your people. It will take practice to get closer to “Yes, If” and getting to a yes, but I promise it will be worth it. The real benefit of having a default yes answer is you’ll be more approachable, people will enjoy working for and with you, and you get to watch people grow in amazing ways. Many leadership books and examples abound, and they all agree that “yes” drastically improved the cultures of their organizations.
Can you think of any times that “no, because” hindered you or “yes, if” encouraged you? How about Air Force examples? We’re the greatest Air Force in the world, and the innovation that has brought us to this point was built on a lot of “yes, if” answers, and if we continue to innovate and own the skies, it will be because a lot of “yes, if” answers are in our future.
Here’s the question I know is on your mind, “Chaplain, can we get together either in your office or for a meal to discuss this or another topic I’ve been wanting to talk about?”
Yes, if you reach out and we schedule it!
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