An Intimate Struggle

When I first did weapons training about two decades ago the emphasis was on long distance accuracy. I remember shooting tiny targets 100 yards out and we never even considered close range targets.

Then, I read that most altercations with a firearm happen within 1 yard or 3 feet. At some
training a few years ago the trainers recognized this – though not fully – and we did some training where we put our hand on the target to simulate holding it away, and fired from a close position being cognizant not to shoot our self in the hand.

But at my most recent – and most likely last (Chaplains can’t handle firearms per the Geneva Convention) – training we really grasped what an altercation within 3 feet means. We went into a scuffle where only one person had a firearm, the instructor said, “In a situation like this, your weapon becomes ‘our weapon’.” It was really an eye opening and humbling experience to think that I had the upper hand because I had a holstered M-9, only to end the altercation by getting shot (simulated) with my own gun.

I keenly remembered that training a month ago when Rayshard Brooks was shot in Atlanta after taking and using a police TASER during a scuffle. This sort of close quarters combat tends to raise the blood pressure to dangerous levels. In the Air Force we often refer to this condition as “pinging” where you get extremely focused, unable to consider alternate options, and become downright unreasonable. Other agencies call it “tunnel vision”, “sensory exclusion”, and “code-red”, among other terms. The worst part is that it is practically impossible to recognize this in yourself, and unless someone/something outside of you reminds you to take a deep breath, consider the alternatives, and take a step back, you can exist in this condition of hyper-blood-pressure for minutes making unquestioning decisions all the while.

This is why, in my previous article, I was (and remain) critical of the camera-person and the standing police officer in the George Floyd event. I’m as certain as I can be from this distance that Dereck Chauvin, the most responsible police officer in that event, was in a heightened blood pressure condition because of his close quarters scuffle with Mr. Floyd and that led to his inability to consider that he was literally suffocating someone. This does not excuse his actions, but I want you to at least try to realize that an intimate struggle with deadly consequences can lead to bad decision making and sinful response.

It is unfortunately easy to be an onlooker and completely miss the deadly consequences and stressful nature of combat. Nothing is easy in combat. Our police officers make tunnel vision decisions that more often than not are right because of their excellent training, but sometimes they are deadly wrong.

But there is a more intimate warfare that takes place in us every day. Some of us don’t realize it, because we’re not struggling, but that battle is against sin and the battle between righteousness and unrighteousness.

Paul put it this way,

I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? ~Romans 7:21-24

Our struggle is so near, so intimate, that it is vital that we have intervention; someone to help when we cannot help ourselves or see our need of help. “The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.” (Proverbs 18:17) How often does our first action seem right? Perhaps the only condition worse than pinging is self-righteousness, of thinking we’re right simply because we’re in too deep a struggle to take a second look. How often are we drowning in sinful decisions and not even realizing it?!

How embarrassing to have our own thoughts taken captive by sin to be used against us!

I recently found myself in a sort of tunnel vision situation where I could only consider two options, that of myself and of my wife. After discussion we decided to seek godly council and the counselor - our pastor - shared an intermediary option which made so much more sense that either I or my wife were considering.

Job was so sure of his goodness and righteousness that he was ready to condemn God. (Job 40:8) Many will enter eternity sure of their own position. (Proverbs 20:6) Our greatest enemy is not 300 feet away, he’s not 3 feet away, he’s not even 0 feet away. He’s inside of us, he is us, and without help we’re helpless and hopeless. But,

Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. ~Romans 7:25