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CELESTIAL SECRET//REL KOD-I
24 October, 6026 CE
MEMORADUM FOR THE KINGDOM OF DARKNESS (KOD)
From: (U) Office of the Chief Intelligence Analyst, KOD
Subject: (U) Security Scrutiny of
the Kingdom of Heaven (KOH)
1. (U) Introduction
(U) This memorandum examines the
security capabilities of the KOH which has been at war with the KOD since the
initial hostilities and skirmish in the Garden of Eden on or about 0000 CE.
Capabilities will be presented, options explored, and recommendations made for
future engagements.
(CS//REL KOD-I) This memorandum is
classified CELESTIAL SECRET//RELATIVE TO THE KINGDOM OF DARKNESS-INTERNATIONAL
based on the analysis that disclosure would represent ETERNALLY GRAVE DANGER
to the KOD.
(U) The reigning king of the KOH
is Jesus of Nazareth; the KOH does not recognize elections and there is no
indication that the king has any intention of abdicating his throne. One intercepted
report, dated 14 September AD 1741 (5745 CE), claims, “And he shall reign forever
and ever.”
(U) The capital city of the KOH is
alternately called New Jerusalem, the Celestial City (Perhaps a play on the
name of the KOD capital, the City of Destruction), Paradise, and the Promised
Land, etc.
(CS//REL KOD-I) The precise
location of the capital city of the KOH is unknown and citizens of the KOH
often insinuate that their territory is encroaching on internationally established KOD borders, and KOH members regularly claim citizens of the KOH live in locales where the KOD has forbidden such citizenship.
(U) This memorandum will assess
the means of intelligence gathering, counter-intelligence efforts, infiltration
into KOD business, air forces and tactics, earth-based weapons, weapons of mass
destruction, non-tangible weapons, ineffective combat techniques, effective
combat techniques, and will provide recommendations as to future actions.
2. (U) Source Documents
(U) The primary document for
intelligence gathering from the KOH is a docket of 66 historical documents
commonly referred to as the Biblia Sacra, Holy Bible, Book of Life, Word of Christ,
Word of God, Scriptures, etc. and will be referred to in this memorandum to as
“the Bible”.
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(U) The Bible is publicly released
by the KOH and considered Open-Source with actionable intelligence contained
there-in. Citizens of the KOH are expected to have intimate knowledge of their source documents. Citizens of the KOH are authorized to paraphrase and create new derivative documents, songs, and briefs provided they are in alignment with the original classification authority, code named “Pneuma”, “Paraclete”, “Holy Spirit”, etc. The king alone is the authorization authority for renunciations, recantations, revisions, updates, or additions to the source documents; under no circumstances may this authority be delegated.
(CS//REL KOD-I) Efforts to criminalize the public release of the Bible have yielded various effectiveness;
the Bible is often used as a weapon to undermine the KOD, recruit converts to
the KOH, and encourage renunciation of citizenship to the KOD. The Bible does
not encourage adherents to renounce citizenship of the various physical
provinces or peoples of the KOD, but to act as embedded citizens of the KOH in
the locales in which they reside, regardless of the reigning government.
3. (U) Intelligence Gathering
(U) The KOH claims to have
unprecedented intelligence, surveillance, and reconnaissance (ISR) capabilities,
not just knowing facts but discerning the thoughts, intents, and plans of the
kings, princes, rulers, governors, generals, field officers, senior non-commissioned officers, and ensigns of the KOD. The KOH claims their king and chief assistant to the king have omniscience
over the universe.
(U) The KOH reports ISR collection
is accomplished via 4 means: (1) Geospatially, (2) tomographically, (3) embedded sensors, and by (4) Human Intelligence (HUMINT). (See source
documents: (1) Genesis 6:5, Psalm 102:19, (2) Ezekiel 8:7-12, (3) Jeremiah
17:9-10, (4) John 2:25)
(CS//REL KOD-I) KOD operatives
ought to be aware that their very thoughts could be used against them and they ought
to exercise extreme Operations Security (OPSEC) to keep KOD plans outside of
KOH hands.
4. (U) Counter-Intelligence
(U) KOD prince, Ben-Hadad, was
notoriously ambushed by KOH ground forces led by KOH spies Elisha and Gehazi
who were able to know the strength, location, and plans of the Syrian offensive.
(CS//REL KOD-I) The KOH claims to
know the location, alliances, strength, and outcome of future battles. The
legitimacy of this claim is yet to be seen, the king of the KOD does not
believe this claim and decries it as propaganda.
(CS//REL KOD-I) We strongly
suspect the KOH is utilizing Psychological Warfare (PSYOPS) to demoralize the
KOD into surrender and/or defection through the release of source documents and derivative documents; we
have no reason to suspect that the KOH has misrepresented its capabilities,
though the king of the KOD claims that the king of the KOH has no claim to any
authority nor ability to defend neither the KOH nor its citizens.
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5. (U) Infiltration
(U) The KOH operative, Paul of Tarsus, claims that members of the provincial ruling house in 1st century Judea were acting with the KOH. Their names were Manaen and Herodian; further, it is common knowledge that Joseph of Arimathea, Nicodemus of the Sanhedrin, KOD prince Manasseh, KOD prince Nebuchadnezzar of the KOD-Babylon province, and General Na’aman of the KOD-Assyrian Army, among others, were known traitors and infiltrators.
(CS//REL KOD-I) We have reason to believe that KOH operatives are circulating through most regions and most provinces of the KOD. KOD citizens should be vigilant that the king of the KOH claims to be capable of turning any individual – regardless of allegiance, longevity, or rank – to his kingdom.
(CS//REL KOD-I) The tragic deaths
of renowned KOD prince and princess, Ahab ben Omri and Jezebel baht Ethbaal,
prove that even faithful KOD operatives can be used to infiltrate and sabotage
otherwise unassailable KOD plans. It is still under investigation how these dedicated
KOD agents were utilized to such detrimental effects.
6. (U) Air Forces
(CS//REL KOD-I) The KOH has kept
their air forces largely concealed and unutilized thus far. Evidence exists of
city destroying winged weapons identified by the KOH as “angels”. Though
sparsely utilized, the power and fury of these weapons will prove formidable
obstacles as the KOD seeks world domination.
(CS//REL KOD-I) Counterair efforts
are strongly expected to be ineffective against the KOH air forces, however at
least one of these angels was effectively seized in our province of Persia
for a period of 21 days and would remain there still if a ranking member of the
KOH air forces had not executed a rescue operation.
(CS//REL KOD-I) The KOH air forces
are overseen by chief of staff, Archangel Michael, however it seems the king
himself is the primary pilot-in-command of these forces and leads his airborne
forces from the front in what may be best described as a Trail-, or possibly a V-, formation.
It is strongly predicted that should the KOD be able to strike the king, the
kingdom and resistance efforts would fall apart; however, the king seems to be
highly resilient against KOD efforts.
7. (U) Earth Based Weapons
(CS//REL KOD-I) The KOH has
developed and utilized weapons of mass destruction with devastating global and
local results. The KOH capabilities far exceed anything the KOD has been able
to produce.
(CS//REL KOD-I) The KOD was nearly
annihilated when the KOH unleashed a world-wide flood. For morale purposes the
KOD must deny the event of this world-wide flood and suppress all reminders,
despite the overwhelming world-wide evidence of the KOD’s near extinction.
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(CS//REL KOD-I) The Ararat Convention (~1656 CE), which the king of the KOH has ratified, restricts the KOH from utilizing water again to destroy the earth.
(CS//REL KOD-I) The KOH has made future threats of utilizing fire and melting agents to decimate not only the earth, but the solar system, galaxy, and universe as well. The KOD is called upon to ardently oppose the KOH in this and all aspects, as this earth and universe were once in the control of the KOD and must be regained.
(CS//REL KOD-I) The KOH has
utilized earth-based weapons with devastating accuracy to swallow entire
divisions of KOD soldiers. The KOH occasionally utilizes trained attack
serpents with appalling results. We suspect other animals may be thus trained
and utilized in the future.
(CS//REL KOD-I) The KOH has utilized localized earth-based weapons (such-as-but-not-limited to: earthquakes, hurricanes, floods, volcanoes, and extreme temperatures) non-discriminately affecting both KOD and KOH citizens. After-action-reports have determined that KOH citizens were found to report, “Here we have no lasting city, we seek the city which is to come.” and, “Store up your treasure in Heaven where moth and rust do not destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal.” These KOH citizens have proved especially dangerous in recruiting their KOD neighbors to “build their house on the solid rock”, which we believe is a title of the king of the KOH.
(CS//REL KOD-I) The KOH claims to
have a weapon of mass destruction potentially called the “Sword of the Spirit” or
“Double Edged Sword” which may be lighting, meteorites, or fire from heaven.
The KOD lists 102 men missing in action (MIA) who we suspect this weapon may
have been utilized to their demise. A further 51 soldiers have gone Absent
Without Leave (AWOL) because of rumors of this weapon. The king of the KOH
claims that this weapon is effective against the king of the KOD; how effective
remains to be seen, and the king of the KOD vehemently opposes this claim.
(CS//REL KOD-I) The KOH claims
that all men are created from the earth, and the king of the KOH has utilized
his earth-based weapons to slay men where they stand, affecting their hearts,
minds, bowels, and other organs to their demise; in some sense a self-destruct
option is ingrained in all men. Proper exercise and healthy diet seem to
mitigate this threat, but the king of the KOH has utilized this tactic multiple
times to cripple the KOD forces, including the assassinations of prince Herod
the Great and Nabal the Calebite.
(U) Individual citizens of the KOH
are equipped with armor that appears rudimentary on the outset, but with proper
training has proved effective against KOD forces. Individual soldiers are
equipped with one offensive weapon: the Sword of the Spirit, but use it almost
exclusively without drawing blood or killing KOD soldiers.
(CS//REL KOD-I) The "Sword of the Spirit" is a dangerous weapon when utilized; training may enhance this weapon, but it is to be noted that unlearned and untrained citizens of the KOH have employed it with devastating effects, including, but not limited to, the slave of General Na'aman's wife, an unnamed soldier who regained his sight through meeting the king of the KOH and instantly defected to the enemy's camp, and the double agents, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego who rejected their impeccable indoctrination and privilege to fall back into KOH brainwashing.
7. (U) Intangible Weapons
(CS//REL KOD-I) The Bible speaks
incessantly about a weapon called “love”. Despite our best attempts at
replication, this weapon is beyond our scope to even understand, let alone
utilize for our purposes. The nearest weapons available to the KOD are lust, manipulation,
pleasure, and exploit, but they seem woefully lacking the power and
capabilities of love.
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(CS//REL KOD-I) Forgiveness has
disarmed an innumerable number of KOD efforts. Bitterness and resentment have
thwarted this weapon in some cases, but it remains formidable in the KOH’s
arsenal.
(CS//REL KOD-I) Atonement is an
insurmountable weapon utilized by the KOH. The king of the KOH bankrupted his
entire wealth to attain this weapon, but it seems that he now has a boundless/inexhaustible supply. The most effective countermeasure against atonement is
self-righteousness. Consider the KOD stronghold of Sardis for the power of self-righteousness.
8. (U) Ineffective Tactics
(CS//REL KOD-I) KOD tacticians
throughout history have sought to intimidate KOH soldiers through fire. The
traitor-prince Nebuchadnezzar famously threw 3 KOH infidels into the oven but
reported that they survived his efforts, and were joined by the king of the KOH
himself. The words of Nebuchadnezzar, however, cannot be counted as KOD canon
since he has apostatized. Fire has proved again and again to bolster the
enemy’s spirit and resolve and utilizing it to oppose the KOH should be
abandoned.
(CS//REL KOD-I) Death was once a
formidable weapon in the KOD’s armory and could be counted on to strike terror
into those who oppose our king. However, in the spring of the year AD 33 (4037
CE) the enemy has developed a countermeasure for death called, “Resurrection.”
Evidence suggests the KOH perhaps had this countermeasure from the beginning,
but that their king has since perfected it and disseminated it widely. KOH
soldiers have been reported as laughing and singing in the face of death.
(CS//REL KOD-I) The KOH has long
been suspect for their lack of lust towards material things and have
continually developed a tolerance for suffering. Physical torture, emotional
abuse, and monetary damages—powerful weapons for keeping our KOD soldiers in
line—have become less and less effective against the KOH. Reports also indicate
many defections from the KOD were in direct exposure to KOH citizens persevering and
turning our own weapons into what their tacticians call “long-suffering” and
“prayerfulness”.
9. (U) Effective Tactics
(CS/REL KOD-I) The ancient and effective hero of the KOD, Balaam son of Beor, discovered that the citizens of the KOH are easily swayed and influenced by accepting sexually attractive females into their ranks. These females of the KOD need not be well trained, so long as they are willing to seduce the KOH with promises of inexpensive pleasure gained in secret.
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(CS/REL KOD-I) A prominent general officer of the KOH was temporarily held by the KOD and nearly eliminated with the tactic of presenting an attractive female clandestine KOD agent to decipher the source of his strength. Many KOH citizens have been effectively eliminated through the use of sexual infiltration (both targeted and general). The abundant use of sexuality remains one of the most effective warfare techniques of the KOD against the KOH; beware however lessening the dosage of this temptation, as in the case of Samson and our operative, Delilah, we faced a devastating blow for our lack of diligence.
(CS/REL KOD-I) The greatest
exploitation against the KOH is a self-destructive weapon embedded in each
citizen for exploitation by the KOD: Pride. Members of the KOH who are
convinced of their own achievements and character often surrender future
battles without struggle. KOH citizens should be relentlessly bombarded with
flattery, comfort, monetary compensation for sub-par performance, promise of
temporal safety, and assuredness that their king is satisfied with mediocrity.
While these members may not join the ranks of the KOD, they are effectively
removed from the fight, and oft hold back entire regiments of their fellows.
(CS/REL KOD-I) Pride—as well as other
weapons at the KOD’s disposal—is most effectively utilized as a weapon when
members are deprived of their source documents. Covert operators of the KOD
should make every effort to ensure young soldiers of both the KOD and KOH are
taught that reading is antiquated, tedious, and unnecessary for all members of
society. Substitute entertainment in copious amounts to keep members from
musing and deliberation. Beware that openly removing access to the Bible oft
results in renewed vigor towards knowing the standing KOH-OPORD.
(CS//REL KOD-I) Isolating members
of the KOH armed forces from their squadrons/platoons is often effective in
demoralizing and weakening their resolve, leading to the opportunity to employ
them as double agents who serve the KOH with their lips, but the KOD with their
actions.
10. (U) Recommendation
(CS//REL KOD-I) Recommend the KOD does not rely on false peace. Despite the king of the KOD planning to produce a world-wide peace the KOH has released propaganda that this peace will be short-lived and ineffective. Instead of declaring, “Peace, Peace!” when there clearly is no peace, recommend complete warfare or complete surrender. Peace exists neither within the KOD nor between the KOD and KOH. A false peace will surely end with dire consequences to the defeated foe of this war, which inevitably will be the KOD.
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(U) Sue for peace! The king of the KOH openly approached members of the KOD with the intention of making peace. Our records boast of a temporary victory when KOD members assassinated the king of the KOH. Our records are far less complete regarding how it is that the king who was dead is now alive. Evidence irrefutably implies that this offer is only for men; demons of the KOD should brace for war and expect complete eradication, followed by trial for their war crimes against the king of glory, resulting in banishment to the lake of fire, which the king has prepared for the king of the KOD (aka the devil) and his angels (aka demons). KOH ministers have offered peace to all who will receive it, because their king has purchased peace by the blood of his cross.
(U) STRONGLY RECOMMEND all KOD members who are able immediately make haste to fly to the king of peace, for there is no hope outside of his peace-offer.
SIGNATURE REDACTED
Ambassador to the King, KOH
Classified By: REDACTED, Chief
Intelligence Analyst, KOD
Derived From: Screwtape
Letters, 1942
Declassify On: The Fall of the KOH Immediately! Today is the Day
of Salvation!
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