I hope to never see another tiny coffin, beloved, and I hope you
never have to see one either. But at the same time, this world is broken and
sin has ravaged every part of creation, and hope in the loss of a baby is far
better than no hope! There is an estimate that 1 in 6 women have experienced a miscarriage, so this is far more prevalent than you may realize.
I am making this outline available because when confronted with
this topic I could not find an outline that provided adequate hope for what I longed
to give to the families. I am publishing this for two reasons, first, for ministers to know where to begin in this process, and second to provide hope for those who have no where else to look. If you are looking for hope the message begins just below, consider copying it over to your computer and inputting your child's name in all of the appropriate places. If you need prayer or counseling or anything please comment or send me a message on Facebook.
Ministers, please, by no means just print and preach this manuscript; rather
personalize it, study it, verify the scriptures, believe it, and then use it to
administer the healing power of the gospel to a mourning and distraught family. If you are led to strengthen it then I'd love to hear your changes.
Every situation is going to be different, but I hope and pray that
this outline provides you with scriptural salve and hope and direction for your
message. I have [bracketed] places where I think alternate readings or comments
may be appropriate. Remember always that the resurrection of the living Christ
is the only lasting hope that we can give, so if you take nothing else from
this, remember that Jesus is the comma at the end of the death sentence.
This outline draws heavily from:
- Alcorn, Randy. Heaven. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House, 2007.
- Criswell, W.A. Criswell’s Guidebook for Pastors. Nashville: Broadman Press, 1980.
- Edwards, Jonathan. “Youth is Like a Flower Cut Down.” Sermon preached twice, Northhampton, MA, 1741, 1748.
- MacArthur, John. Safe in the Arms of God: Truth From Heaven About the Death of a Child. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2003.
- White, James. Grieving: Your Path Back to Peace. Minneapolis: Bethany House, 1997.
- Wickert, Dan. Infertility and Miscarriage. Lecture given at the Biblical Counseling Training Conference at Faith Church, Lafayette, IN.
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“I shall go to him.” (2 Samuel 12:23)
Parents – [Write the father and mother’s name so you can
easily remember them]
Siblings – [Write the sibling’s names and ages]
Prayer for Comfort: Father God, we are here to mourn the loss of
such a gift as this baby [Replace baby with child’s name as often as
appropriate]. We are heartbroken and our spirits faint within us, we beg you
to give us comfort in this time and to weep along with us. Help us to remember
our loved one fondly and to rejoice in the time we spent with him/her. Speak to
us today and tell us your will, set our hope on the resurrection of the dead
secured in the raising of your Son, Jesus Christ. Bless [Mother & Father] and
[Siblings] and give us each an opportunity to grieve with them. Above all, set
our affections on Heaven, where you promise to wipe away every tear. In Jesus’
Name, Amen.
Homily: It is only right when we face a tragedy of these proportions that
we look to God and seek for answers, for truth, and for reasons for the death
that exists in the world that would take such a beautiful life as this. The
tragedy is magnified in the loss of a baby because the unfairness and
brokenness of it all is keenly seen and understood by all. What’s worse, this
is not a rare event, and all in this world are vulnerable to the pain we are
feeling today.
But God has not abandoned us in our time of need, he has given
us answers and hope in the darkest of times.
One example that gives us hope is found in King David, an early
king of Israel, when he had a newborn son. The child became very sick, and
David fasted for him and prayed for his life for seven days, but on the seventh
day, the baby died.
The servants who were caring for the child were whispering amongst
themselves because King David did not yet know the terrible outcome, and they
were afraid of what the news might do to the already distraught father. But
David discerned their change of heart and asked if the child had died, and they
confirmed. So David arose from the ground and washed himself and changed his
clothes and ate. His servants could not believe it, because just moments before
he had been weeping. David said, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and
wept, for I said, ‘Who knows whether the LORD will be gracious to me, that the
child may live?’ But now he is dead. Why should I fast? Can I bring him back
again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.” (2 Samuel 15:15-23)
Repeat for Emphasis “I shall go to him, but he will not return to
me.”
Another example that gives us hope is from the mouth of Jesus
himself. Parents began to bring children to Jesus that he might lay his hands
on them and pray, but his disciples rebuked them, but Jesus said, “Let the
little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the
kingdom of heaven.” And he laid his hands on them and went away. (Matthew
19:13-14)
Repeat for Emphasis “To such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”
In another place Jesus said in order to enter the kingdom of Heaven
you have to become like a little child. (Matthew 18:1-6) The way I read those
passages is that little children certainly go straight to Heaven. But why,
then, did the child die? Was he/she being punished, were the parents being
punished, was anybody being punished?
Someone asked just this question of Jesus regarding a man who had
been born blind. He had suffered and been afflicted for his whole life, but
Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the
works of God might be displayed in him.” (John 9:1-3)
Sometimes God acts in events like this not as a punishment, but so
that his glory may be shown in the power of his gospel and in the redemption of
his love. He promises to work all things together for good to those who love him
and are called according to his purposes. Not that all things are good, this is
certainly not good, but that he will work all things for good. A funeral is a
place to be reminded of the preciousness of life, and the ever present
overshadowing of death, but it is also a place to realize that God has overcome
death and provided a way to Heaven, where I am certain that this little baby
has entered.
But not everyone agrees with my interpretation of these texts. Some
have seen David’s comments about going to the child as only David consoling himself
apart from the authority of God, or simply the gloomy outcome that David would
soon be dead and laid in the grave himself. Others have seen Jesus’ comments
about little children as saying that you’re never too young to trust and obey
him. While it is certainly true that you are never too young to know Jesus, I’m
certain Jesus and David were looking forward to the glories of Heaven.
Because, David had another son, his name was Absalom. He turned against his father and became an enemy of Israel. Absalom embraced lying, murder, rebellion, and he died in a war against his father and against God in which 20,000 men lost their lives. When David heard the news of the death of Absalom, he was inconsolable. (2 Samuel 18:33-19:7)
Repeat for Emphasis When David heard the news of the death of
Absalom, he was inconsolable.
David knew that by the grace of God he would see his infant son
again in Heaven, but he also knew that by the righteous judgment of God that he
would never see his wicked son Absalom again.
Let me take you to another passage that gives me great hope. Isaiah 11, biblical scholars agree that this
is a picture of Heaven; the new creation brought on by the ministry of the
Messiah.
The wolf shall dwell with the
lamb,
And the leopard shall lie
down with the young goat,
And the calf and the lion and
the fattened calf together;
And a little child shall
lead them.
The cow and the bear shall graze;
Their young shall lie down
together;
And the lion shall eat straw
like the ox.
The nursing child shall
play over the hole of the cobra,
And the weaned child shall
put his hand on the adder’s den.
They shall not hurt or
destroy in all my holy mountain;
For the earth shall be full
of the knowledge of the LORD as the waters cover the sea. (Isaiah 11:6-9)
This beautiful picture of the
peace, safety, and comfort of Heaven is not expressed as a possibility, but as
a fact. It’s not that a child could lead a lion, or could play
with deadly snakes, but that a little child shall lead a lion, a nursing
child shall play over the hole of a cobra, a weaned child shall
put his hand on the adder’s den.
So beloved we have this great
hope that this little one is in Heaven, we do not mourn as those who have no
hope…but we do mourn…but we do have hope…and now we have a job to do.
[Parents], you have one
precious child in Heaven, but you have [siblings] here on earth. Raise them
with a fond memory of their departed [name] and point their eyes towards
Heaven.
Dearly beloved gathered here,
take care of this grieving family. Thank you so much for your love and support
so far. I have heard from those who have been through this and they are always
thankful for the support they received, but they likened it to ice-cream cones
given on a hot day. Dozens of ice-cream cones on a hot day is a nice sentiment,
but there is no way they can all be appreciated at once! Reach out over the
coming weeks, months, and years to continue to offer your support and show your
love!
We are assured that this
little baby is certainly in Heaven. Beloved, above all I want to be sure that
one day you can go to him/her. Many promises were made about the offspring of
David, but we’ve seen the need for hope, not the source of it, in all of his
immediate sons.
But far down the lineage
another baby was born, a son of David. When he was born he was given three
gifts: gold, frankincense, and myrrh. (Matthew 2:11) Gold and frankincense were
gifts that made sense to give at a baby-shower, not only were they valuable,
but many have seen in them the representation of earthly wealth and worship of the newborn king, but the gift of myrrh was a completely inappropriate gift to give
at a baby shower, it was very foreboding…because myrrh was a funeral spice. The
equivalent today would be giving a tiny coffin to new parents. It foretold the
suffering and death of that child, but it also represented the exchange of his
life for ours.
 |
| The Presentation of the Baby Jesus to Simeon - Artist Unknown |
A few days later the parents
of this baby, Mary and Joseph, were in the temple to dedicate
the boy to God.
They were met by a very wise and godly man named Simeon. He took the child and prophesied over him and worshiped him as the Messiah. But then he said
something which would echo through the mind of Mary, the mother, for the rest
of her life, “A sword will pierce through your own soul also.” (Luke 2:35)
This baby, Jesus of Nazareth,
grew in wisdom, and stature, and favor with God and men. But those prophecies
were fulfilled when he went to a cross to die for our sins; he was despised and
rejected by men, a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief; as one from whom men
hide their faces, he was despised and we esteemed him not. He bore our griefs
and carried our sorrows, we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and
afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our
iniquities, upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his
wounds we are healed. (Isaiah 53:3-6)
When David said he could not
bring his son back, but he could go to him, a way needed to be opened to Heaven. Jesus
said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life, and no one comes to the
Father except through me.” (John 14:6) All of those promises made to David and
his offspring were fulfilled in Christ and the answer to all of them is “yes”
in his resurrection.
We cannot bring this sweet
baby back, but we can go to him/her. If he/she could send us a message from
Heaven it might sound something like this:
[For a Baby who died after birth]
My life was full of love and
joy,
Every day was wonder filled
with smiles and new experiences
But, the love and joy and
awesome wonder here is beyond compare
I cannot come to you, but you
may come to me after your work on earth is done.
I love you and miss you and I
remain,
Your little baby,
Safe in the arms of Jesus
[For a Baby who died before
birth]
I so looked forward to
meeting you,
Of seeing your face and
feeling your touch,
But the first face I saw was
the face of God
His embrace is tender and strong
I cannot come to you, but you
may come to me
Our creator has loved us and
made a way
And we may yet meet,
Your little baby
Safe in the arms of Jesus
Prayer for
Hope Father
God, we trust in your Word that this little one is safe in Heaven. We thank you
for the love and comfort expressed in your words and for the great love by which
you loved us by sending your Son to die in our place. We pray that you would
show us the way not just back to peace, but to Heaven, and that we would not
mourn as those who have no hope, for we have a great hope in the resurrection
of your Son. But Father, we need your Spirit to put this hope in our hearts, to
help us to love one another, and to remember fondly our sweet little baby, made
in the image of God, loved and lost but not forgotten, until we may see him/her
again. May his/her life bring great glory to your name and show many the way to
Heaven, through Jesus’s Name, Amen.
Graveside
Committal
Jesus said, “Let not your hearts
be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many
rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place
for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will
take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to
where I am going.” “I am the way and the truth and the life, no one comes to
the Father except through me.” He continued, “Peace I leave with you; my peace
I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be
troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (John 14:1-6, 27)
Augustine wrote, “We have not
lost our dear ones who have departed from this life, but have merely sent them
ahead of us, so we also shall depart and shall come to that life where they
will be more than ever dear as they will be better known to us, and where we
shall love them without fear of parting.”
Prayer for
Committal Father,
we have gathered here to commit to rest the body of our beloved [name]. We are thankful for his/her life and
we mourn for him/her. We trust your Word that he/she is safe in Heaven, and
though we long to go and be with him/her, we will wait on your providence to
reunite us. Father, as we gather in this solemn place we do not sorrow as those
who have no hope, for our hope is in Jesus Christ. We ask that you would
comfort each family member and friend. May they be comforted by your Word,
encouraged through happy memories, and sustained by the hope of the
resurrection in the final day. In Christ’s Name, Amen.
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