The "Just Say No" Game

I’m reading a tremendous book by Robert Wolgemuth right now called, She Calls Me Daddy. I recommend this book for all of you with daughters. My biggest takeaway (and there have been many) is something he calls the “Just Say No” game. This has borne fruit in my life already and I hope it bears much fruit in the lives of my family.

What this game is is the opportunity throughout the day to just say "no" to something, whether good or bad or indifferent, because it’s teaching your flesh that it’s not in charge. Wolgemuth bears witness to the game's work in his daughter’s lives, that they would regularly report as young girls that they had purposefully said no to a snack or a fit of anger, and that it had grown with them to resist larger and larger temptations. He makes an excellent point that you should always praise an act of willpower, no matter how ridiculous it might sound, in youngsters.

So I’ve been trying it and encouraging others in my family to try it. I’ve been amazed, I have a bag of trail mix on the upper shelf of a cupboard right now. In the past this trail mix would not have lasted a day or more. Just because it’s there it seems like I have to eat it. But this week (yes, 7 days), I have only gone to it a few times for energy, which is what I intended it to be for when I bought it! Multiple other times I’ve found myself heading that way but questioning my intentions along the way and asking, “Do you need energy?” No. “Are you hungry?” No. “Are you on a hike?” No. Then the answer to the trail mix is “No.” The god that is my belly (Phil 3:19) screams at me, but you know what? He’s not the boss of me…at least not all the time…and hopefully less from this day forward. There are better things out there than a trip to the trail mix cupboard: for one, staying in some semblance of shape, but two, the weight of glory that I’m being prepared for through sanctification, and three, setting an example for my children to follow with this utterly biblical game.

If I have one minor quibble with She Calls Me Daddy is that though a lot of the principles are firmly found in scripture, Wolgemuth doesn’t give a scriptural reference for many of his principles. But even that has been a blessing for me because it’s caused me to think of my own prooftexts on why this little game is so powerful.

You know who else played the “Just Say No” game? Lots of great saints throughout history, that's who! Look at how Moses is described, “when he was grown up, [he] refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward (Hebrews 11:24-26).” He played the "Just Say No" game with some really ornate and valuable temptations, but we know he's received his reward (Mark 9:4)!

Who else? Paul, “I discipline my body and keep it under control (1 Cor 9:27, also pretty much the whole of chapter 9).” And “while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come (1 Tim 4:8).”

Others, like Saul, have good intentions at the outset, but every time a temptation comes around, they jump right into yes. Read 1 Samuel for dozens of examples, here’s one:

Saul listened to the voice of Jonathan [regarding the loyalty of David]. Saul swore, “As the LORD lives, he shall not be put to death!”…and David was playing the lyre…and Saul sought to pin David to the wall with the spear. ~2 Samuel 19:6,9-10

Think of others who failed at the “Just Say No” game: Demas (2 Tim 4:10), Judas (Matt 26:15), Solomon (Ecc 2:10-11),  Samson (Judges 14:3), Esau (Hebrews 12:16-17), Cain (Jude 1:11), Eve (Gen 3:6), Adam (Genesis 3:17), Lucifer (Isa 14:12-14)…

Time would fail me, beloved, to name every person we should emulate who said "no" to a fleeting pleasure, and every person we should use as a warning who gave in and said "yes."

But time must allow for the greatest example of this game. He reminds us that this game is not a game of competition. I’m not going to gloat over my wife if I say "no" to an egregious sin and she only says "no" to a smaller one. This is a race that we’re running together, when I discipline my flesh, she wins, and when she disciplines her spirit, I win, and vice versa. Because, if this were a competition we would all lose terribly to someone who played it perfectly.

Jesus of Nazareth was offered the whole world and an escape from the suffering that he was preparing for, “All these [kingdoms] I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me (Matt 4:9).” He was also tempted with salvation from the cross, “Do you think that I cannot appeal to my Father, and he will at once send me more than twelve legions of angels (Matt 26:53)?” But he said "no" to the opportunity to gain the world without enduring the cross. And do you understand why he said "no?" Because if he had said "yes" to those temptations, not only would he have failed in his mission of perfect obedience to his Father, but he would have left us without a propitiation for sin. We would still be dead in our sins and trespasses, and without hope and without God in the world!

So he said "no," and the immediate pain and suffering and separation and cost were more dire than any of us can comprehend or ever will comprehend, but “for the joy that was set before him [he] endured the cross, despised the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God (Hebrews 12:2).” Because Jesus said "no," to a temporary fleeting pleasure, you now have a perfect sinless Saviour who can wash away every one of your sins, make you complete, and give you his Holy Spirit to war against the flesh, and who is glorified forever as both Creator, Man, God, and Saviour.

Beloved, you are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, so "Just Say No" to every sin…those sins will cling tightly and easily, but you have a race to run, discipline to subject yourself to, an example to follow in Jesus, and an example to set for your imitators.

I love that Wolgemuth asked for weekly updates from his daughters. His reasoning was that if you can say "no" to a second cookie today, tomorrow you are prepared to say "no" to a besetting sin that will rob you of your joy and quite possibly your eternity (He didn’t quote it, but John 10:10 comes to mind).

I look forward to hearing ways that my children, my wife, and myself "Just Say No" to temptation in our lives. And beloved, if you play, and I pray you do, I’d love to hear your victories as well!