Soul Mx - Conflict Resolution

This is part of a series shared ecumenically with members to whom I was assigned; the goal was to start conversation and deep thought, and many of these messages led to great conversations.

Conflict Resolution
Original Publication Date: 9 December 2020

One thing I hate is reactionary rules; rules that are implemented because of an event or trend. One example from my life is: “Don’t cut down trees while someone is standing in them.” I led a Hurricane Katrina clean-up team to New Orleans years ago and witnessed a volunteer start to cut down a tree while someone was still in the tree limbing it. Granted, he was adamant that he was only starting the process and didn’t intend to finish until the tree and fall area were safe, but I saw a dangerous trend and I addressed it.

Today I want to address another trend. I don’t have any specific shop in mind while writing this, I’ve seen this in shops across the base, and I’m hoping to both do something to curb it, and to prevent future outbreaks.

What I’m seeing is unresolved conflict. Disagreements and skirmishes that linger long after the original clash. It’s not that I’m expecting you not to disagree or see things different than your coworkers; I maintain that our diversity—used rightly—is one of our greatest strengths. Ronald Reagan said, “Peace is not absence of conflict; it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.” When we handle conflict in violence, or, more often than not, passive aggressive reactions, we don’t end up with a peaceful workplace or team, but a workplace devoid of morale and full of tension, mistrust, and individualism.

Are you seeing that in your shop? I spoke with several commanders recently about how an open-door policy is great, unless your people don’t think you can help, then it’s just an empty promise and an illusory safety-net against unresolved conflict. If we’re going to build world-class organizations that get the mission done and take care of our people while we’re doing it, then we have to be willing to work through conflict and work on building strong teams: tackling problems as they arise so they don’t linger and fester.

Conflict resolution is like a muscle, it needs to be exercised, worked, and grown to be fully effective. Let me tell you a true story, not to cast shade on any particular shop, but to make an important point. Many years ago I was working with Christopher Dixon, an avionics expediter on F-22s at Tyndall AFB, Florida. We were picking up parts and there was a new rule that everyone in the parts store had to wear their uniform blouse. It was mid-summer and maintainers don’t like wearing their blouses anyways, let alone when we would soak it through with sweat in minutes. The technician picking up the parts didn’t have their blouse on and got a verbal counseling for it from the clerk. Upon returning to the expediter truck, then SSgt Dixon, now MSgt Dixon, put on his blouse and went in to discuss what had just happened, and to find out who he needed to talk to about rescinding the new rule. Upon returning to the truck, the technician told Chris that he didn’t have to do what he just did because it didn’t matter anyways. Chris Dixon made a point I’ve never forgotten, “That was a little fight, I practice taking care of my Airmen so that when it really matters I’ll be ready.”

So how can you practice your conflict management? Here are just a couple suggestions (there are whole libraries on this topic): 

1. Welcome conflict; conflict is a part of life, especially in diverse environments, it means you’re not living in a vacuum but you’re engaging other people  
2. See conflict resolution as a means to a stronger team, not a barrier or hurdle  
3. Be the calmest person in the room; take deep breaths, stay objective  
4. Listen actively; it has been said that if you can’t reiterate your opponent’s position, you don’t understand it  
5. Own your failure and give credit to your team for success  
6. Never diminish someone else’s position, no matter how misguided you feel it might be  
7. Care about the well-being and opinions of your individual team-members

Sometimes the simplest solution out of conflict is friendship. Raiders, did you know that the lead pilot on December 7th, 1941, Mitsuo Fuchida, and one of the first to drop bombs on Tokyo on April 18th, 1942, Jacob DeShazer, put aside their differences after World War II, found friendship—even brotherhood—in the other, and worked together to bring peace and reconstruction to Japan? Becoming someone’s friend doesn’t always mean accepting everything about them, but recognizing what you have in common, and caring about their growth, your mutual peace, and the good that will come from being able to work together. Martin Luther King Jr emphasized, “Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.”

Sometimes conflict has become so big that you can’t fix it on your own. The Air Force is prepared for this. You have resources that will help you mediate discussions and work on problems that look like they have no possible solutions. Carl von Clausewitz is famous in the Air Force for saying, “War is a mere continuation of politics by other means.” Before you choose the nuclear option, reach out to your chaplain, MFLC, or First Sergeant, or many other resources, to explore which means we have to mitigate conflict so no-one gets hurt and your shop becomes a better place for it. I’d love to stop by your shop, or bring you to an offsite, to discuss further. If you’ve read this e-mail and felt especially targeted, then I’d definitely like to talk to you!

Finally, this message has focused on your workplace, but during the holidays it is good to remember that these principles work with friends, family, and community as well. You’ll never regret becoming better at conflict resolution, so I hope that as conflicts arise, you’ll face them head-on and grow from the experience, not facing the consequences of ignoring or avoiding them.