Jeremiah's Bitterness - Hope in the Loss of a Baby

This is a chapter from an upcoming book, Hope in the Loss of a Baby: A Deeper Dive Into What the Bible Says About Pregnancy and Infant Loss.

Jeremiah’s Bitterness

To suffer in the soul while doing the will of God is the deepest trial a servant can bear. ~ Matthew Henry

Jeremiah’s ministry was hard. He is rightly known as the weeping prophet. It's hard to understand how much Jeremiah suffered and for what purpose, which is why I didn’t lead with his story. But his life is in the Bible and speaks to our subject so we are privileged to spend some time with him. It’s hard, but herein there is great edification, planting, and blessing.

Let’s start with his calling. God appointed Jeremiah to be a messenger with a stated ministry to pluck up, break down, destroy, overthrow, build, and plant (Jeremiah 1:10), the vast majority of his ministry while he was alive was devoid of building or planting. He was set free for the good of his nation (Jeremiah 15:11), yet during his life very little happened for the good of his people.

The ministry he was accomplishing was not readily apparent to his eyes or ears. It was the perfect storm for a mournful prophet. Did God lie to Jeremiah? No, God was just operating on a different time scale; God fulfilled the building and planting portion of Jeremiah’s ministry after his death, as multitudes have been blessed by his writings in the last two-and-a-half millennia. There is a hint of this in his calling,

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
and before you were born I consecrated you;
I appointed you a prophet to the nations. ~ Jeremiah 1:5

His call was from the womb, and it was to the nations. But in his life, he only went to Judah. Chances are high that those reading this are not Judeans, but from the nations. As Peter said, Jeremiah was not serving himself, but you (1 Peter 1:12).

When Bitterness Sneaks In

During his ministry Jeremiah was beaten, despised, rejected, slandered, and carried off to die in a foreign land. Sometimes prophets see revival, sometimes they have friends, sometimes they feel like they accomplished much in their ministries. Jeremiah had no such blessing while on earth.

Jeremiah starts wrestling with God immediately, even when he was called, “Ah, Lord God! Behold, I do not know how to speak, for I am only a youth!” (Jeremiah 1:6). His petulance grows as he hoped for a lot more planting & building and a lot less violence & destruction. He goes through a terrible trial with one of the priests who arrests him, beats him, and ridicules him (Jeremiah 20:1-2). After pronouncing a curse on the priest and destruction on Judah, he points his anger skyward,

O Lord, you have deceived me, and I was deceived; you are stronger than I, and you have prevailed! ~ Jeremiah 20:7

The sin of bitterness says that God is doing things wrong or has done things wrong. It’s similar to the sin of worry, which is questioning whether God won’t do what’s right; bitterness is much worse than worrying because it casts judgment on God rather than just doubt (but don’t negate the heinousness of this sin). In Job’s story, God asked Job, “Will you condemn me that you may be in the right?” (Job 40:8), showing that Job had cast judgment on God by his own standard. Jeremiah is tiptoeing on the edge of bitterness, still wrestling with whether or not what God is doing is right in his eyes, but we know that whatever God ordains is right. Nebuchadnezzar, after spending seven years out of his mind and then being humbled and restored, said, “None can stay his hand or say to him, ‘What have you done?’” (Daniel 4:35). God’s ways are always right, even when we can’t see what he’s doing.

Jeremiah’s first use of raw language to express himself is telling,

Woe is me, my mother, that you bore me! A man of strife and contention to the whole land. ~ Jeremiah 15:10

Notice here that he is calling down a woe, a funeral dirge, on himself that he would have rather not been born than become a prophet. He resorts to full blown bitterness by Jeremiah 20:14-18, calling down curses on his birthday and the man who brought tidings of his birth to his father, and wishing he had been murdered in the womb. Remember, his consecration as a prophet was from before his birth (Jeremiah 1:5), so his cursing of his birthday is not just a lament, but shaking his fist at God.

Other prophets, like Elijah (1 Kings 19:4) and Jonah (Jonah 4:3), would rather die than continue to serve God. We know that their requests were not right for at least two reasons; first, God doesn’t answer their prayers, and second, they are used for much good later in their lives and ministries.

That doesn’t change the fact that bitterness, anger, and despair overcame them for part of their life. Jeremiah’s despair expressed itself in wishing he’d never been born rather than obey the call of God and face the pain of his tribulations. We know that Jesus promised us trials, tribulations, and temptations, yet when they come upon us we act as though something strange were happening to us (1 Peter 4:12).

Chances are high that you’ve experienced bitterness in your life, especially if you’ve experienced the extreme wound of the loss of a child. We’ll look at Rachel’s weeping in a future chapter, but there have been innumerable times of weeping, despair, unquenchable anger poured out towards God for the seeming unfairness of his decisions.

Myriads of parents have walked out of the hospital or doctor’s office to realize their new car-seat will not be used, or arrived home to a freshly painted nursery feeling that not only was their effort seemingly wasted, but more-so that they feel betrayed by God who took away their gift before they’d even received it. One young mother who lost multiple babies said, “I was supposed to walk out of the hospital with my babies in my arms. It’s not right to walk out with empty hands.”

Jenny Marx–wife of Karl Marx whose philosophy has led to untold suffering and death including the deaths of four of his own children attributed to malnutrition–reportedly lived in constant bitterness and anguish and according to her husband wished every day that she and her children were safely in their graves. In the midst of such suffering and bitterness, death seems like a release.

The only time that it would be better if you had never been born is if you’ll die without Christ and face the wrath of God. In this case, Jesus himself tells us it would have been better if Judas Iscariot had not been born (Matthew 26:24, Mark 14:21).  If you’re reading this now and you don’t know Christ, it’s too late for you never be born! So you must seek him while he may be found! I implore you to be reconciled to God today. Read the chapter on “How Do You Get to Heaven?” and the last chapter on “Mary’s Sword” and don’t go to sleep until you’ve found forgiveness (Proverbs 6:4-5, Psalm 132:4-5).

No matter how hard your life is, cursing your birth and lamenting your life leads only to resentment and defilement, leading to an exponentially more difficult life and eternity.

The true cure to life’s trials is the hope of God’s faithfulness in every circumstance. Let’s look at an example from the scriptures.

Paul’s Joy

The Apostle Paul was similarly set apart from before birth to go to the nations (Galatians 1:15-16), and he faced similar persecutions as Jeremiah. He was rejected, beaten, slandered, imprisoned, and yet he was adamant that what had happened to him had provided a blessing,

I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel... ~ Philippians 1:12

He would go on to say that his hope was to honor Christ whether by life or by death (Philippians 1:20), and that “to live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21).

W. A. Criswell gave me an idea about how dying could possibly be gain; the idea is his but the words are mine:

If to live is possessions, then to die is loss.
If to live is friendship, then to die is loss.
If to live is old age, then to die is loss.
If to live is parent, then to die is loss.
If to live is family, then to die is loss.
If to live is money, then to die is loss.
If to live is travel, then to die is loss.
If to live is fame, then to die is loss.
If to live is sex, then to die is loss.
But if to live is Christ, then to die is gain.

This leads to one of the hardest questions Jeremiah brings up, or that perhaps anyone could ask: Is it better to die as a baby and go straight to heaven, or to live a short time on the earth and glorify God in your life and death?

Paul goes on, “If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me…to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account” (Philippians 1:22,24). Peter mirrored that thought at the end of his life, “I think it is right, as long as I am in this body, to stir you up…” (2 Peter 1:13). Paul’s sincere desire was to depart and be with Christ, but he knew that for the time God had allotted to him, he wanted to make as many disciples as he could, and strengthen them in the truth. Elsewhere he said that God had called us by his grace and created us for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them (Ephesians 2:10). I hope you see the implications that God knew you just as much as he knew Jeremiah and Paul before your birth (compare Psalm 139:13-16). He has a plan and a purpose for your life and your suffering.

We long for the peace of heaven, but as long as God sustains us and Christ tarries, we walk in joy and not disdain for the ministry he has given us. Sorrow, tears, mourning, and weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5).

Beauty From Ashes

If there is comfort in Jeremiah’s bitterness, it’s that he still knew that it was not condemnation to die in the womb. He, Elijah, and Jonah may have prayed imprecations on themselves, but they did not wish to be cut off from God or face his anger or wrath forever. Jeremiah shows us that whatever God ordains is right, even when it is extremely painful in the moment (compare Hebrews 12:10-11). He is bringing beauty from ashes, joy out of mourning, dancing from wailing, life from death, love from hatred, and gardens out of deserts.

I hope Jeremiah knows today how much his book has meant to me and so many others. I am sure he wouldn’t change a thing about his life now that he’s seen how God has used it. While I’m sad for how he suffered, I’m exceedingly thankful that God had him walk this path so that we can see his temptation towards bitterness. Even God’s most faithful prophets faced this temptation. Jeremiah, in his exceedingly great trials, truly paved the way to understand that the joy and glory to be revealed in heaven is nothing in comparison to the sufferings of the present time (Romans 8:18).

Samuel Rodigast wrote the hymn, Whatever my God Ordains is Right. It reminds us that God has a hope and a future for us, and that his plans are perfect, even when we can’t see what he’s doing, and even when we may, like Jeremiah, desire to accuse God in our circumstances,

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
he never will deceive me;
he leads me by the proper path;
I know he will not leave me.
I take, content, what he hath sent:
his hand can turn my griefs away,
and patiently I wait his day.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
here shall my stand be taken;
though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
yet I am not forsaken.
My father’s care is round me there;
he holds me that I shall not fall:
and so to him I leave it all.

How can God say that this is used for good and how can Jeremiah’s words be used to plant and build? It’s because God intends for our highest and best good to be in heaven, and for his power to be magnified in weakness, pain, and calamities (2 Corinthians 12:10).

Jeremiah was driven to despair in his day, but since then God has used him to plant and build beyond anything he could have hoped or imagined. If Jeremiah could have looked forward (1 Peter 1:12) to the glory that God was going to receive and display in his ministry, I believe he would have wholeheartedly endured the suffering for the joy set before him (compare Hebrews 12:1-2).

If you trust Christ, it is very good that you have been born, and I’d encourage you to stay and minister for as long as God gives you breath. If you think that there is no other work for you to do, I say that as long as Christ leaves you on earth, there is someone to pray for, someone to encourage, someone to comfort, someone to exhort. When I speak in the counseling room I often say,

As long as your heart is still beating,
As long as your lungs are still breathing,
As long as your brain is still waving,
Christ is not through with you.

If those three things are still happening within your body, then no matter how difficult your day, week, month, year, or life is going, you can pray with Micah,

Rejoice not over me, O my enemy;
when I fall, I shall rise;
when I sit in darkness,
the Lord shall be a light to me. ~ Micah 7:8

If you don’t have the strength to go on, consider this poem from Annie Flint. Make it your prayer today, but whatever you do, remember that what God ordains is right, and he’s doing a work in and through you that you cannot fully comprehend. Certainly, once you’ve reached heaven, you wouldn’t want to change a thing.

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again. ~ Annie J Flint