This post is a chapter from the book, Hope in the Loss of a Baby: A Deeper Dive into what the Bible says about Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death, which is the culmination of much study, counseling, and sermons shared over twenty years. Since this book was meant to bless the church I am also making it available on this blog.
It is a cruel and unscriptural
though to suppose that those who suffer more than others are greater sinners
than others. It is a thought that is continually contradicted by facts. ~
J. C. Ryle
When a child dies, amidst our compassion, sorrow, and shock,
we often find ourselves asking “whose fault is it?” You may even feel regret
for wondering on this complicated question. Despite the pain, it is a valid
question, and it’s at the forefront of most minds even if we don’t want to ask
it. Sometimes the answer is obvious that someone is clearly at fault, other
times it’s hidden, ofttimes no one is to blame, and sometimes we just won’t
know.
Certain religions would say that a baby who dies before
birth or shortly after birth is being punished for either sins in a past life
or for sins that they would have committed later in life. The Judeo-Christian
world-view is not immune from this erroneous belief as evidenced by John 9:1–2
when Jesus’s disciples asked if the man had been born blind because of his sins.
We can trace their line of thinking to extrabiblical rabbis who said that
suffering had to be caused by sin.[1]
We also see this when Bildad, a companion of Job, blamed
Job’s children for their death, “If your children have sinned against [God], he
has delivered them into the hand of their transgression” (Job 8:4). Bildad is
later rebuked by God himself for this foolish statement (Job 42:7–8). Sometimes
it is true that people are killed for their own sins (see Numbers 16:30 and
Ezekiel 18:20), but in Bildad’s case, he made a confident assertion without
having any evidence. As a counselor I’ve heard my fair share of these
mean-spirited and uninformed answers; one that especially stands out as
deserving a rebuke directly from heaven was, “Well it’s no surprise, she’s not
a healthy mother.”
On the other side we don’t want to pretend that there isn’t
a purpose. I’ve heard more than one well-meaning counselor say, “These things
just happen.” But God is in all of the details, and if not even a sparrow can fall
to the ground apart from our Father (Matthew 10:29), then these things don’t
just happen, there is a cause and a purpose behind them, and God is indeed in
all of the details. Seeking out the answer allows for three main helps:
· If repentance is due, we know how to repent.
· If forgiveness is required, we know who to forgive.
·
So we can trust God in all the details so that
our imaginations, consciences, and bitterness don’t consume us.
Before we examine specific causes, we should consider that
all death is caused by general sin traced back to the first sin.
The Origin of Death – Adam’s Sin
It’s helpful to start with the fact that the universe is not
as it should be. We see that sin entered the world through one man, and death
through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned (Romans 5:12),
and it has affected not only human beings, but all of creation,
For the creation was subjected to
futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the
creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the
freedom of the glory of the children of God. ~ Romans 8:20–21
We see corruption and death existing everywhere; we see the
largest stars supernova and die, we see life snatched in the prime of life, and
we see that even the tiniest of babies are vulnerable. Through the most
powerful telescope and the best microscope we can see that death is still
reigning, and will reign until Christ tramples death under his feet (Romans
5:21, 1 Corinthians 15:24–26).
Even with our own eyes we can see the brokenness of the
world. When my family lived in South Dakota, one of our state’s giraffes died
unexpectedly in seemingly perfect health just weeks after we visited. A drive
down any highway will reveal animals that were snuffed out in an instant. Anywhere
we look we see billions of dead animals fossilized in rock layers laid down by
water all over the earth.
Death is not natural and we should be grieved by every loss
of life. That giraffe still pains me, especially looking at pictures and videos
of my kids feeding it. One of the most fruitful conversations I ever had about
the gospel was after a new driver hit and killed an antelope and the weight of
death and guilt she felt led her to seek out answers and the God who makes all
things new. And we have to remember that the great flood didn’t just kill
dinosaurs and soulless animals, but millions of people of all ages who had
rejected God and rebelled against his creation order.
When death entered the world through Adam’s sin, the knowledge
of good and evil came with it. Without his sin we would not be in this position
to ponder why such evil as the death of an innocent baby could be possible. Death
in the world is first and foremost to teach us to love God who brings forth
life and to hate sin which brings forth death. In this we hate sin in a general
sense. When death visits us personally, we also learn to hate sin in a specific
sense. Sometimes the sin is ours to hate and repent of, other times it’s
someone else’s sin to hate and forgive, and sometimes it’s no one’s fault to
show that God is working in every detail.
Paul tells us to “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this
is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). It’s easy
to rejoice when everything is going well, and everyone is living and laughing;
it’s harder to rejoice when life has been taken and silence and darkness surround
us. We still rejoice because if we are in Christ, then all things are being
used for good to transform us into the image of Christ (Romans 8:28–29), which
is God’s good, acceptable, and perfect will for us (Romans 12:2), leading to
our sanctification (1 Thessalonians 4:3). He has a plan behind every
circumstance, whether it’s been caused by our own sin, someone else’s sin, or
his own doing.
Direct Sin
The clearest statement made in scripture concerning sin that
led to the death of an infant is after David stole another man’s wife,
impregnated her, and then had the woman’s husband covertly murdered. Nathan
tells him,
Because by this deed you have utterly scorned the Lord, the child who is born to you shall die. ~ 2 Samuel 12:14
A broader, but similar story, is Hosea 9:10–17, where Israel’s
sins lead directly to miscarriages (v.14) and a nation bereaved of its children
(v.12).
God takes sin exceedingly seriously and so must we. Sin is
the means by which the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, and there are
consequences for rebelling against heaven.
It is nearly impossible in most cases to discern if our sin
is being punished in this way. Let me repeat that: in almost all cases this is
not discernible. However, our hearts will still consider it, so it is always
good to search our heart and conscience to determine if there is any deceitful
way found in us.
This is a hard saying, but if you have any inclination in
your heart of a hidden or overt sin that caused the pain or death of someone
else, then seek the Lord while he may be found. If
your heart condemns you, know that God is greater than your heart, he knows if
you’re guilty or not (1 John 3:20), and either way he gives you this confidence
in him, that Christ Jesus is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near
to God through him (Hebrews 7:25).
There is a blessing in David’s story that points to God’s
greatest truth. This point is easy to overlook, but it’s God’s amazing grace on
display. Nathan tells David, “The Lord has put away your sin; you
shall not die” (2 Samuel 12:13). David should have died for his sin, yet God did
not hold it against him. God is not unjust to overlook sin, otherwise Uriah,
the murdered husband, would have had grounds to complain in heaven. While the
baby died, it was not his death that atoned for David’s sin being put away. The
baby died because of David’s sin, but not for David’s sin.
David would have another son (Matthew 9:27, 15:22, Luke
1:32, 18:38–39, Revelation 22:16) many years removed who would willingly die
for his sins, and not just for David’s, but for Bathsheba’s, Uriah’s, Nathan’s,
as well as your and my sin. He also died to ensure that the baby who died would
be welcomed into heaven, and so that David could confidently say, “I shall go
to him, but he will not return to me” (2 Samuel 12:23).
Beloved, in most cases, we cannot say for certain that our
sins did or did not contribute to the death of someone else. But I can say this:
my sin did contribute directly to the death of God’s own Son, Jesus Christ, who
loved me and gave himself for me.
Mine was the sin that
drove the bitter nails
and hung Him on that judgment tree. ~
Sovereign Grace Music
Hard examples abound where there is clear causation between
sin and the death of a child. The mother drank, smoked, and did drugs while she
was pregnant, leading to severe birth defects and subsequent death. The father
shook a crying infant until permanent and irreparable damage was done. The
mother put her own self before that of the children and drowned them one by one
in the bathtub or drove her car into the lake with them in the backseat. The father
was driving drunk and crashed the vehicle, leading to the child in the backseat
being killed. The mother drank before bed and accidentally smothered the baby
sleeping next to her.[2]
But it’s not as clearcut or straightforward as it seems,
because lots of babies survive and thrive despite neonatal substance abuse,
grow up with parents prone to rage, endure parents with severe depression, survive
severe car accidents, and spend their whole infancy sleeping in the bed with
mom and dad. Sometimes sin leads to death, and sometimes it leads to grace.
To muddy the water even further, less clear examples are the
toll that bitterness and complaining take on the human body, as well as hidden
sins like pornography addiction, or adultery, or murder. Can these covert sins
still lead—like they did in David and Hosea’s day—to consequences on others?
This is not as spiritual as the example given in the Bible,
but consider a father who is using and selling drugs and goes to prison. His
wife then loses the house, has to move into a dangerous neighborhood, and their
child is killed by a stray bullet. Did the child die because of the father’s
sin? These are hard questions without easy answers, but remember, our goals are
to be able to discern:
·
If repentance is due, we know how to repent.
·
If forgiveness is required, we know who to
forgive.
·
So we can trust God in all the details so that
our imaginations, consciences, and bitterness don’t consume us.
If there is sin in your life, regardless if you know it
caused harm to someone else or not, now is the time to repent. Lay it at the
foot of a blood stained cross and give your burden to Jesus (Matthew 11:28).
Seek the forgiveness freely offered by God purchased by his Son. Trust that he
is using all things for your good and his glory.
While it's hard to discern our own sin, ofttimes someone
else’s sin is clearer in both what it is and how it leads to death. But it
doesn’t make it any easier to endure.
Someone Else’s Sin
Much easier to discern is when the sin of someone else is
directly attributable to the death of a baby or child. Some examples are abortion,
negligence, and violence.
Real life examples of extraordinarily tragic events include
the crew of a classified Soviet military aircraft that crashed directly into a
kindergarten in Svetlogorsk on the Baltic Sea, killing twenty-four children
immediately. In the aftermath it became apparent that the crew was hungover or
still drunk from the night before, as well as maintenance was partly to blame,
and there was probably a significant navigational error. While the specifics
are debated, it’s clear that someone was to blame for the death of that crew
and those children.
In Aberfan, Wales, a mining accident swallowed the
elementary school and led to the death of one-hundred-sixteen children. Today
there stands a memorial at the mass grave of those children and the others who
died. Blame abounded for missed warnings and lax regulations, which ultimately
fell on the National Coal Board Chairman who resigned in the aftermath. Many
others were considered culpable and/or ashamed for their part in the disaster.
The terrorist attack on the Oklahoma City Federal Building
was driven by hatred for a very specific government agency. The attacker’s
stated goal was targeting who he thought were evil men. In the aftermath, there
now stand one-hundred-sixty-eight empty chairs where the building once stood;
nineteen of those chairs are small to represent the children who died in the
attack. We call that a bombing, but it was really the sin of hatred and murder.
In the Bible we have examples where evil men have no mercy
on children and kill them in the street and in the womb (Isaiah 13:16–18). We’ll
examine these more when we look at Babylon’s babies, but for now let’s look at
when forgiveness is an impossible, but required, response.
Murder
The murder of infants is prevalent throughout the Bible. The
Bible is a hard book to read if you’re looking for comfortable stories and a
reassurance that all is well in the world. It tells of real evil, real
suffering, and points us to a real God who has been working from the beginning
and is working still to prepare his people for a future peace and hope.
It's tempting to only think of the evil and danger coming
from the outside, but much of the infanticide in the Bible comes from wicked
people in Israel. If you want to test just how bad things are in Israel at any
given time, consider how they are treating their infants. It may be bad, but is
it bad enough that they are murdering their children?
None is so wicked as Manasseh, king of Judah. While he
committed many heinous sins, his most diabolical was, “And he burned his sons
as an offering in the Valley of the Son of Hinnom…He did much evil in the sight
of the Lord, provoking him to anger” (2
Chronicles 33:6, 2 Kings 21:6, Ahaz committed the same sin in 2 Chronicles 28:1–4,
2 Kings 16:3). This is further explained by God to Ezekiel,
And you took your sons and your
daughters, whom you had borne to me, and these you sacrificed to them to be
devoured. Were your whorings so small a matter that you slaughtered my children
and delivered them up as an offering by fire to them? ~ Ezekiel 16:20–21
Other examples include two women who agreed to kill their
children so they could survive the siege of their city (2 Kings 6:26–31), a
woman who was willing to cut a baby in half to spite her neighbor (1 Kings
3:26), a time when the people began intermingling with foreign gods leading to
them sacrificing their children to those same gods (Psalm 106:34–39), and the
long story of the Northern Kingdom’s fall which started by rejecting God’s appointed
sacrifices and substituting their own, which included the sacrifice of their
precious children (2 Kings 17:16–18).
My amazing then-eight-year-old became irate with her
then-four-year-old brother and threw a makeshift spear at him with surprising
force and accuracy. She missed his eye by about 12 millimeters. I packed both
of them in the van and we headed for the hospital. Several hours in the
emergency room and through lots of tears she confessed her sin to every doctor,
nurse, and person in the waiting room who would listen. When we were all
stitched up and ready to go one man shared with her the importance of
confessing her anger to God and asking Jesus to forgive her. I hope God redeems
her hatred for her brother to show her and us the love and forgiveness of God
(compare 1 John 3:10–12, 4:19–21).
Hatred, especially the murder of infants, is the opposite of
Jesus’s command, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 19:19, et al). It is
the opposite of God’s command to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth
and subdue it (Genesis 1:28). When Cain killed his brother Abel, he wiped out
twenty-five percent of the world’s population. If hatred is so horrible, why is
it so prevalent in the Old Testament, throughout history, and today?
One reason comes from Ezekiel 16, that their “whorings” were
too small a matter in their sight: they worshipped sex over their creator. Isaiah
expands on that idea by tying lust to murder, “You who burn with lust among the
oaks…who slaughter your children in the valleys” (Isaiah 57:5). Micah asks,
“Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the
sin of my soul?” (Micah 6:7). Children are a heritage from the Lord and a
direct result of his gift of sex, yet when we worship sex and reject our
creator, children often pay the brunt of the price for our sins, which is a
hefty penalty (compare Romans 1:26–27 and Psalm 106:38–43).[3]
Another reason infanticide is so prevalent is the forsaking
of God’s laws. God said to Moses,
You shall not give any of your
children to offer them to Molech, and so profane the name of your God: I am the
Lord. ~ Leviticus 18:21
This idea occurs throughout the writings of Moses, Jeremiah,
and Ezekiel, among others. God does not accept human sacrifice and directly
condemns it.
The third reason for infanticide comes from who the god
Molech was purported to be. Molech was supposedly able to give many gifts, such
as wealth, prosperity, comfort, protection, etc. We know that their end is
death, despite so many false gods, prophets, and people promising life apart
from God’s truth or Son.
Children are often expensive and inconvenient. I combat
their cost by saying, “Why are children so expensive!? Because they’re worth it!”
For those who don’t see their worth, it seems a viable alternative to offer
them to the god of comfort, prosperity, and ease. One worshipper of money
openly stated that murdering babies has been good for the United States
economy. We’ve called him Molech, Milcom, and Asherah in the past, today we
call him by other names like financial freedom, reproductive health, or choice,
but that doesn’t make this idolatry any less evil. It might even make it more
evil by labeling our sin with nice sounding slogans.
The final reason why children are regularly killed by action
and decree is because the world hates God and loves death. We know that
children are created in the image of God, and it’s the main reason we speak up
for them. When the true God came to earth, they rejected and crucified him. He
said, “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you”
(John 15:18). The name Molech comes from the Hebrew word for king, so we should
expect the true King, Jesus Christ, to be the clear and direct threat to the
one the world wants to set up as their king.
This is why the Pharaoh of Egypt killed the Israelite male
children, so they could not rise up against him (Exodus 1:9–10, 16). This is
why Herod sought to kill the baby Jesus, because he wanted to retain his seat
as the king of the Jews (Matthew 2:2–3, 8, 12–13, 16).
One pastor made an impassioned plea to invest in their
children’s outreach, “Every child in your neighborhood has two things in
common: God loves them and Satan hates them.” I think he may have chosen
“neighborhood” to remind us to love our neighbors! Unfortunately, Satan and his
followers will continue to hate children and murder them as often as they are
able. At the moment “the whole world lies in the power of the evil one” (1 John
4:19).
Child sacrifice—which we’ve renamed abortion—has occurred
for six-millennia. We’re not going to defeat it with policy or law, but we can
fight it with love and compassion.
Chaplains, pastors, police officers, firefighters and others
can certainly tell you horrible nightmare-inducing stories of babies who were
shaken to death, died through willful neglect, were poisoned, strangled, or
drowned. Certainly, there are many heinous ways babies have been and will be
murdered.
If you are a victim or a perpetrator of such violence, know
that there is forgiveness and hope in abundance: the blood of Jesus Christ
cleanses from all unrighteousness, both what you’ve done and what has been done
to you. Though your sins were like scarlet, they may be washed whiter than
snow.
Malpractice, Negligence, or Accident
I’ve assisted in the aftermath of two miscarriages where it
was clear that someone was at fault, though they did not set out to kill anyone.
In one case it was improperly prepared food and in another it was someone
claiming to have training and credentials that they had fabricated.
Other babies have been killed in automobile accidents or
through negligence, and recently an untested vaccine led to many avoidable
miscarriages. Only God knows if these were driven by malevolence or just
malpractice or just an accident. Concerning the vaccine, certainly in the case
of many parents these deaths were inadvertent. However, because the world is
broken, the best of intentions can end in sorrow and death. Even when the way
seems right, it can end in death (Proverbs 14:12).
Mephibosheth was five years old when his father and
grandfather were killed in battle. As an heir to the throne, he was potentially
in danger of being murdered by the ascending king, so his nurse picked him up
and fled. In her haste it sounds like she tripped and fell on the boy, causing
permanent damage to his feet. She clearly wasn’t trying to injure him, rather
to help, yet there were lifelong ramifications for this accident (2 Samuel 4:4).
The clearest line I can draw from her mistake to the modern day is when a baby
is left in a hot car.
My then-four-year-old was playing with his siblings while
the van was parked in the back yard. A door was open and either he got in the
van and closed the door, or someone closed the door after him. He told me later
he didn’t know who closed the door, but he teared up as he told me he couldn’t
open the door on his own. It was only after he was so overheated, scared, and
wailing that someone heard him and rescued him! There was no damage, though he
was drenched in sweat as he recounted the story to me through tears and sobs.
Had he not been rescued, it would have been absolutely tragic but undeniably an
accident.
When negligence leads to death and manslaughter, the Bible
sets up what are called “Cities of Refuge” so that perpetrators may be spared
from death, rescued from consequences, and live to be restored (Numbers 35:25–32).
We are tempted to require an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, and a life
for a life when someone is injured, but Jesus expressly instructs us to return
blessing for cursing (Matthew 5:38–42). We can’t fight death with death, we
must fight death with life; after all, didn’t Jesus himself come to give life
abundantly, and ensure that though “the wages of sin is death, the free gift of
God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 6:23, John 10:10)?
Beloved, the temptation is to be embittered against the
perpetrator and to hope God holds their sin or carelessness against them
forever. After all, they’re guilty and someone has to pay for the consequences!
For those who are guilty, there is a Saviour from sin who
did pay for the consequences of their sins. For those who were negligent there
is a refuge.
The response is the same: we are thankful that God’s justice
and mercy are perfect. We pray for those who have wronged us. We implore them
to be reconciled to God, to repent, to be restored, saved, and redeemed. We
pray that God would not hold their sin against them, we desperately want God to
use our tragedy for everyone’s good, and we want love and grace to abound in
the aftermath of evil and death.
Or at least we should. But many will grow embittered and
will face their own consequences.
The Soul that Sins
For young children who die, if we’re going to be faithful to
the Bible, we have to at least consider that there was a time when children
died for their own sins. That story is found in 2 Kings 2:23–24, where Elisha
the prophet had just watched his master and mentor, Elijah, be taken up in a
chariot to heaven.
As he’s trekking home, at least forty-two little boys come
running out of the town of Bethel to jeer at him, mock his appearance, and
basically say, “Get out of here!” by telling him to leave just as Elijah had
left. We don’t know how old these boys were (we’ll examine the age of
accountability later), and there is probably a good expectation that they
ranged from small boys to early teens. In the face of their rebellion against
God, Elisha cursed them and immediately two bears appeared out of the woods and
tore forty-two of them to shreds.
Forty-two little suppers were not
eaten! Forty-two little beds were not slept in! Forty-two little funerals took
place the next day!...God took notice of the "little children" at
Bethel, and punished them for their wickedness. Remember, I beg of you, that
God has not changed. He is still the same. He is every day taking notice of
you. ~ J. C. Ryle
Ryle emphasized that there was a prophet’s school (we’d call
it a seminary) in Bethel, where the boys were from. They should have known
better. It’s tempting to blame their upbringing, their spiritual leaders, their
surroundings, and their parents; but God corrects people who were blaming their
upbringing for their troubles,
The soul who sins shall die. The
son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for
the iniquity of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon
himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself. ~ Ezekiel
18:20
God here is rebuking a specific people who were blame
shifting and making themselves victims. The main point of the passage is that
if we make ourselves victims, then we are cut off from accepting responsibility
for our own sins. As we’ve seen, this is not how God always works, such as when
David’s baby died or Mephibosheth was made lame, but often we blame others when
we are clearly at fault.
We can’t overemphasize that most of our pain, suffering, and
guilt come from within and we should encourage everyone to acknowledge and
repent of their own sin. It’s only by the grace of God that I can tell a few
stories to illustrate, where sin did not end in death but could have, and the
blame would have been placed squarely on the child.
My then-three-year-old wanted to go sledding but the only
snow that hadn’t melted was where the snow-plow had pushed it up on the edge of
the street. He snuck into the garage, got his sled, made his way through a
child-proof gate, and proceeded to sled in the street that had a 45-mph speed
limit and a blind hill. Fortunately, our neighbor (probably accompanied by his
guardian angels) found him quickly and delivered him safely to our front door.
Our then-seven-year-old got frustrated with her family on a
hike in the Grand Canyon and decided she was going back to the parking lot.
Gravity got ahold of her and she was descending into a remote part of the
Canyon known to have cliffs and mountain lions. If grandpa hadn’t found her, I
shudder to think what might have happened.
I thought I learned my lesson teaching a friend’s
eight-year-old how to do some woodwork as we built a castle for a school
project. He decided he could run the miter saw without training or permission.
Fortunately, it only threw the piece of wood he was cutting across the garage
and he was unharmed, though quite startled. I installed a safety switch so it could
never happen again. Yet, years later our eleven-year-old lied to his mom that I
had said he could use the miter saw. Apparently, he had watched me and knew how
the safety switch worked but didn’t have a clue how the saw worked. Providentially,
the piece of wood broke the saw and jammed the blade so it stopped nearly
instantly.
My mother was six years old and forbidden to touch anything
on the stovetop. In her rebellion she grabbed the handle of a pot and spilled
scalding water on her arm. After months in the hospital—some of which were in a
sterile “bubble” because the tiniest infection could have killed her—she was
finally well enough to go home. She bore that scar and memory for the rest of
her life.
Any of those incidents could have been the end of those
kids, and there would have been a direct sin on their part that led to it. I
still shudder and count myself blessed that death was averted.
By the grace of God, I have not officiated a funeral for a
child who died because of their own sin. However, I do know of a funeral for a
sixteen-year-old high school student who died in a car crash while driving
drunk. The parents asked the pastor of a large local church to officiate since
they had attended many years in the past. They wanted the pastor to speak of
the boy attending Vacation Bible School (VBS) and other events and basically
“preach him into heaven.” The pastor told the truth about sin and the
associated dangers, and used the boy’s sin and death to call others to
repentance and point them to the Saviour. You might expect backlash, but God
blessed that church abundantly for their pastor’s steadfast and mostly-gentle stand
for the truth. It would unfortunately be very easy to either compromise or be
so harsh that the opportunity was wasted.
Ecclesiastes tells us that it is better to go to a funeral
than a feast (Ecclesiastes 7:1–2). If a child died because of sin, please
redeem their sin by warning others. Obviously do so with gentleness, respect,
and patience. Dying in the midst of sin does not mean they were out of the
grace of God, for where sin increases, grace abounds all the more (Romans 5:20–6:1).
In the case of an older child who may have reached the level of accountability,
consider the story of several men who attempted suicide by jumping off of the Golden
Gate Bridge yet survived. They said that the second they jumped, they regretted
everything and had a whole conversation with God in the ensuing seconds before
they hit the water. We don’t presume everyone gets a second chance after sin,
but we don’t lose hope.
If you’re trying to determine an older child’s relationship
with God and suspect they died in sin, the chapters on the age of
accountability and how to get to heaven will help you work through it. I would very
much encourage you to find a godly counselor, pastor, or friend to help you
navigate such a heavy topic. God is working in your life, even if people who
you love have died and are lost forever, and he may yet use you for mighty
purposes to publish his peace and works to the world.
When No One Sins
Last, let’s consider if no one sins and tragedy still
strikes. While it’s human nature to assign blame, sometimes no one is at fault.
Let’s look at the blind man from John 9 again; Jesus was asked if it was the
man’s sins or his parents’ sins that led to him being born blind.
Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his
parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him” (John 9:3). We’ll
look at Job’s story soon and realize that sometimes the cause is God sovereignly
working for his glory and his purposes and no earthly person is to blame.
Elsewhere, Jesus brought up the example of murdered
Galileans and the example of Judeans who were killed in a construction accident.
He asked rhetorical questions about whether they suffered because they were
worse sinners than others. Jesus doesn’t give a long answer, simply saying,
“No, I tell you, but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish” (Luke
13:1–5). So far as we can discern about those Galileans and Judeans, their
death was not a specific punishment from God, but a specific warning to all.
If we feel like we have to assign blame, many times we’ll be
thwarted when examining God’s purposes. More often than not the specific cause
of death is likely to fall into this category. Ofttimes we can’t get any closer
to knowing the purpose other than the world is broken, God is still on his
throne, and God is working in individual hearts specifically and the world
generally.
John Calvin encourages us to hope in God’s promises and not
ignore his invitation,
When misfortunes happen to any
persons, we ought to consider that God deals gently with us, in sparing us for
a time, to invite us to repentance. But if we abuse his forbearance, and do not
profit by the examples of others, we shall suffer a heavier punishment.
God’s Redeeming Grace
God uses calamity and evil for his purposes; remember
Solomon talked about how it is better to go to a house of mourning than to the
house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay
it to heart. We cannot presume in every situation to know God’s plans, but
sometimes his purposes are obvious such as when someone comes to faith at a
funeral. My goal is to lead as many people to Christ as possible, and it would
bring me immense joy if someone came to faith at my funeral or through my
writings after I’ve gone on to glory. My prayer for this book is that my babies
in heaven will be the catalyst to lead you closer to Jesus.
The weight of tragedy in the loss of a child is hard to
fathom or move past. Can their death be redeemed if someone comes to Christ
because of it? Many of us would happily suffer a little bit for our neighbor.
Dirty hands, a couple of paper cuts, an afternoon spent…we’d gladly endure it
or pay it. But when God asks for our dearest treasures, it’s much harder to say
yes or let go.
Corrie Ten Boom suffered mightily at the hands of the Nazis
for protecting Jews and supporting the Dutch Resistance during World War II.
After she and her family were arrested, they were able to lead a Nazi investigator
named Hans Rahms to salvation. Leading Rahms to eternal life cost the entire Ten
Boom family great pain, with Corrie’s father dying in jail, her sister Betsie
dying in a concentration camp, and her brother dying not long after the war
exacerbated by his time in prison. In our lament we may ask why it cost so much
or took the loss of our loved one to awaken someone.
J. C. Ryle considers the cost, “One single soul saved shall
outlive and outweigh all the kingdoms of the world.” He may have gotten that
idea from Asahel Nettleton who said, “If I might be the means to saving one
soul, I should prefer it to all the riches and honor in the world.” It is a
hard place to be, but it calls us to trust God more deeply and always point
people to the Saviour who died so that they could live. If it costs me dearly
to proclaim that word, then I’ll gladly pay it for the sake of my Saviour and
the sake of those whom he died for. It cost him more.
Unfortunately, we can’t guarantee that anyone will be saved at
a funeral. God may be doing so much more than saving people. He may be
strengthening the bereaved for a ministry focused on heaven and deepening their
relationship and reliance on him.
George Whitefield preached as a dying man to dying men all
the days of his life. He had invested his future heavily on a son who lived
only a few months. After his son died, he said that coming to understand God’s
purposes “made me as willing to go out to my son’s funeral, as to hear of his
birth.” After the funeral, Whitefield proved that he was a man who knew God,
knew the power of Christ’s death and resurrection, and knew that this world was
not his home as he looked forward to a day worshipping his Saviour face to
face.
Much of Whitefield’s passion and usefulness can be traced to
a prayer immediately following the funeral, that he would be rendered, “more
sober-minded, more experienced in Satan’s devices, and consequently more useful
in his future labors to the church of God.” Hundreds of thousands—if not
millions—of people have come to Christ and will come to Christ because of the
ministry of George Whitefield. Beloved, if that is not God displaying his works
through the suffering of the Whitefield family, I don’t know what is.
I very much look forward to meeting little John Whitefield
in heaven, and to hear of all of the people’s lives that were transformed
because his father was burdened by his tragically short life, yet not driven to
despair and did not give up his hope of the resurrection of Christ.
The Spirit of God is carrying [the
Word] on when [the people sharing the Word] sleep and can do no business, or
when they rise to go about other business. The prophets do not live forever;
but the Word which they preached is doing its work, when they are in their
graves. ~ Matthew Henry
Sometimes complications arise in the womb and the baby
cannot survive. Jackie Gibson, author of You Are Still a Mother: Hope for
Women Grieving a Stillbirth or Miscarriage, suffered a miscarriage and felt
the frantic flutter kicks as her baby was ushered out of this world into the
waiting arms of Christ. In her case, as in the case of so many others, I don’t
think anyone sinned, I believe that it was so the works of God might be
displayed in and through her. She has encouraged me and countless others by calling
those flutters her baby’s “goodbye kicks.”
I officiated a funeral for a baby who died of Sudden Infant
Death Syndrome (SIDS), also known as Crib-Death. As painful as it was for
everyone, I was blessed to watch as many in the audience heard the gospel for
the first time, looked to heaven for hope, and were brought nearer to God and
to each other.
I could never definitively say that the death of a child was
redeemed in how God interacted at the funeral and later; but that’s why I’m not
God, and his ways are higher than my ways and his thoughts are higher than my
thoughts (Isaiah 55:8–9). I do know that this is God’s will and that he wants
us to redeem it in our lives and the lives of others.
Jonathan Edwards preached twice on Isaiah 40:6–8, first for
a friend’s child who died, and later for his adult daughter who died. He titled
both sermons, “Youth is Like a Flower Cut Down,” and he made the point, “God is
pleased to cut down some to warn others.”
Very often we won’t know why a child has died or why a
catastrophe has occurred, but we do know that God is in control of all of the
details. If he told us exactly why he was doing things, then faith would be mute.
We trust him that he will display his works in us, in his timing, and in his
perfect will. Our call is to trust him with the details and the power.
Whatever the Cause
When a death occurs, we are reminded and warned that all is
not as it should be in regards to life and death. As we experience such things,
we come to know the end of all mankind.
Standing on the edge of eternity pondering and missing our
dearly departed has a way of making this world grow strangely dim as we look at
the unending expanse of eternity. William Booth, one of the most focused and
motivated men who has ever lived, summarized his passion this way,
Would that God would make hell so
real to us that we cannot rest; heaven so real that we must have men there,
Christ so real that our supreme motive and aim shall be to make the Man of
Sorrows the Man of Joy by the conversion to him of many.
May your dearly departed motivate you to love deeper, take
God’s Word more seriously, and know Christ more fully. May their death be the
catalyst for leading many, including you, closer to the risen Saviour. May your
ties with this lost and dying world be severed as you seek the kingdom to come.
Whatever the cause, know that God is working all things for
good to those who love him and are called according to his purpose (Romans
8:28). The death of anyone, especially a child, is not good, but God is able to
use it for good to conform you to the image of his son (Romans 8:29), and
remind others that,
Life is
short,
death is sure,
sin the cause,
Christ the cure.
If you think it would be beneficial to try to determine the spiritual
cause of death, then I would encourage you to have a conversation with a
trusted pastor, counselor, friend, or family member who loves Jesus and has a
high view of God’s Word. Even if the cause seems clear, having an outside view
of your situation is always advisable. Discussion is usually helpful,
especially if the person you’re discussing with has your highest and best
usefulness in mind. Remember that the cause may be that God is working in your
life and the lives of many and there may be no sin involved.
If the cause is sin, then there is need for repentance and
forgiveness. Always consider that God’s ways are higher than our ways. If anger
is due, leave all vengeance up to God. If forgiveness is due, give it freely
and without measure. Some would say that forgiveness has to be predicated by
repentance, and that forgiveness without repentance is only self-care; I say
that’s ridiculous: forgiveness is acting like Jesus. If someone should repent
but won’t, then you have an opportunity to trust God’s perfect justice which
will be fulfilled in hell forever or on a cross two thousand years ago. You refusing
to forgive and holding onto anger against them cannot help at all.
If you’re the cause, then know there is life and forgiveness
in Jesus Christ. He died for every sin to save to the uttermost those who draw
near to him (1 John 4:9, Hebrews 7:25). While we were yet sinners, Christ died
for us (Romans 5:8). His love covers a multitude of sins and calls us to love
others (1 Peter 4:8). Hear the call,
Come,
ye sinners, poor and needy,
weak and wounded, sick and sore;
Jesus ready stands to save you,
full of pity, love, and power. ~ Joseph Hart
Whatever the cause, there is great temptation and danger in
blaming God, refusing to trust in his providence, and in failing to move
forward. This bitterness will only harm you and those around you and miss the
fact that God is entirely in control.
Whatever your need, come to him today:
I come
broken to be mended,
I come wounded to be healed,
I come desperate to be rescued,
I come empty to be filled.
I come guilty to be pardoned
by the blood of Christ the Lamb,
and I’m welcomed with open arms,
praise God, just as I am. ~ Travis Cottrell
Even if we can answer the question perfectly on who sinned and we’ve trusted Christ in the outcome, there is still a temptation to think God is to blame, which is why we’ll look at Job’s story next. God himself will pull back the curtain and show us that sometimes we suffer even when we’ve done nothing wrong.
[1]Talmud
Shabbat 55a, a sort of commentary of the Rabbis, is the closest source
for this idea.
[2]Please don’t take this as medical advice, but know that
the use of alcohol, and drugs—as well as extreme fatigue or prescription
medication—significantly increase the risk of co-sleeping deaths.
[3]It’s tempting to write so much more on this, but to
stay on topic I’ll only recommend here the book Married Sex: A Christian
Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life by Gary Thomas and Debra
Fileta as one remedy for this sin.
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