The Power to Destroy

Introduction

Raising boys has made my wife and I realize that there are many differences between little boys and little girls. Indeed, as the old adage says, “A little boy is the only thing God can use to make a man.” One of the blessings of children is the theological truths you learn as you watch them grow. I want to share one such truth I’ve learned through my sons, I’m going to post it in three installments.

Little boys crave power. They want to feel powerful, be powerful, and be recognized for being powerful. Knowing this truth has changed the ways we’ve watched our sons grow and how we try to channel their energy for good. Titus Haddon, our littlest boy, is a perpetual sermon illustration, especially concerning power. He loves to destroy things, he loves to use words that hurt, but he also loves to help in meaningful ways, and – when he understands what the final purpose is – he loves to build things.

I would like to introduce you to three stages of power and how they relate to us, and how they relate to our Creator, and how we can grow in each of these. These three are the power to destroy, the power to preserve, and the power to create. This first installment will focus on the power to destroy.

1. The Power to Destroy

All children – especially boys – realize early that they have the power to destroy order and hurt people through their actions. Kicking, biting, and smashing are all ways which children can express their anger and frustration. As they grow they will also start to use words. “The tongue truly is a small member, yet it boasts of great things! How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness” (Jas 3:5-6).

It is no surprise that the power to destroy is the first thing little sinners learn and grasp. A tiny person who feels like they have no power sees their parent reel when they use a hurtful word, and they realize they do have a tool to inflict as much rage as they are feeling. Studies on troubled children – specifically those with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) – also point at the power children feel is using excrement and fire to multiply their power.

The power to destroy is established in the antithesis of what God is doing in the universe, “the thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy” (John 10:10).

But even in this role our power is limited, for Christ warned, “do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matt 10:28). God’s power is perfect, but it is not capricious, for when you see God destroying something it is after much patience that he executes judgment, and it is never solely for the sake of demonstrating his power: but as a warning, as a means of blessing his church, and to purify his creation (cf Gen 6:13, Lev 23:30, Ps 58:10-11, 2 Pet 3:10-11).

Being made in the image of God we also have the power to destroy for good. We have the power, given through the Holy Spirit, to cut off sin, such as John Owen warned, “Be killing sin, or it will be killing you.” We have the power to discipline sinful habits out of tiny people and to administer correction when they err. And while we have the power to lash out, we must restrain ourselves like God, and leave vengeance up to him, for he is far better at it than we ever could be.

Finally, destruction should be used to clear the path for rebuilding. We should not – like certain nations have recently done – topple the government of a warring nation only to watch the populace devolve into anarchy. We must rebuild and maintain, which are topics for a future discussion.

The gospel in this is that we were without peace and without hope in the world when Christ laid down his life for us. He faced the full destructive power of his Father on the cross which otherwise would have been directed at us, and in our place he faced the crushing pain that we deserved.

He himself is our peace, who has made us both (Jews and Gentiles) one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility... ~Ephesians 2:14

So the next time your boys demonstrate their power through destruction you have two options:

1. Encourage them to voice their anger/disapproval in a different way.

2. Redirect their energy to destroying something that needs to be destroyed (cardboard is a great target!). 

The "Just Say No" Game

I’m reading a tremendous book by Robert Wolgemuth right now called, She Calls Me Daddy. I recommend this book for all of you with daughters. My biggest takeaway (and there have been many) is something he calls the “Just Say No” game. This has borne fruit in my life already and I hope it bears much fruit in the lives of my family.

What this game is is the opportunity throughout the day to just say "no" to something, whether good or bad or indifferent, because it’s teaching your flesh that it’s not in charge. Wolgemuth bears witness to the game's work in his daughter’s lives, that they would regularly report as young girls that they had purposefully said no to a snack or a fit of anger, and that it had grown with them to resist larger and larger temptations. He makes an excellent point that you should always praise an act of willpower, no matter how ridiculous it might sound, in youngsters.

So I’ve been trying it and encouraging others in my family to try it. I’ve been amazed, I have a bag of trail mix on the upper shelf of a cupboard right now. In the past this trail mix would not have lasted a day or more. Just because it’s there it seems like I have to eat it. But this week (yes, 7 days), I have only gone to it a few times for energy, which is what I intended it to be for when I bought it! Multiple other times I’ve found myself heading that way but questioning my intentions along the way and asking, “Do you need energy?” No. “Are you hungry?” No. “Are you on a hike?” No. Then the answer to the trail mix is “No.” The god that is my belly (Phil 3:19) screams at me, but you know what? He’s not the boss of me…at least not all the time…and hopefully less from this day forward. There are better things out there than a trip to the trail mix cupboard: for one, staying in some semblance of shape, but two, the weight of glory that I’m being prepared for through sanctification, and three, setting an example for my children to follow with this utterly biblical game.

If I have one minor quibble with She Calls Me Daddy is that though a lot of the principles are firmly found in scripture, Wolgemuth doesn’t give a scriptural reference for many of his principles. But even that has been a blessing for me because it’s caused me to think of my own prooftexts on why this little game is so powerful.

You know who else played the “Just Say No” game? Lots of great saints throughout history, that's who! Look at how Moses is described, “when he was grown up, [he] refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward (Hebrews 11:24-26).” He played the "Just Say No" game with some really ornate and valuable temptations, but we know he's received his reward (Mark 9:4)!

Who else? Paul, “I discipline my body and keep it under control (1 Cor 9:27, also pretty much the whole of chapter 9).” And “while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come (1 Tim 4:8).”

Others, like Saul, have good intentions at the outset, but every time a temptation comes around, they jump right into yes. Read 1 Samuel for dozens of examples, here’s one:

Saul listened to the voice of Jonathan [regarding the loyalty of David]. Saul swore, “As the LORD lives, he shall not be put to death!”…and David was playing the lyre…and Saul sought to pin David to the wall with the spear. ~2 Samuel 19:6,9-10

Think of others who failed at the “Just Say No” game: Demas (2 Tim 4:10), Judas (Matt 26:15), Solomon (Ecc 2:10-11),  Samson (Judges 14:3), Esau (Hebrews 12:16-17), Cain (Jude 1:11), Eve (Gen 3:6), Adam (Genesis 3:17), Lucifer (Isa 14:12-14)…

Time would fail me, beloved, to name every person we should emulate who said "no" to a fleeting pleasure, and every person we should use as a warning who gave in and said "yes."

But time must allow for the greatest example of this game. He reminds us that this game is not a game of competition. I’m not going to gloat over my wife if I say "no" to an egregious sin and she only says "no" to a smaller one. This is a race that we’re running together, when I discipline my flesh, she wins, and when she disciplines her spirit, I win, and vice versa. Because, if this were a competition we would all lose terribly to someone who played it perfectly.

Jesus of Nazareth was offered the whole world and an escape from the suffering that he was preparing for, “All these [kingdoms] I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me (Matt 4:9).” He was also tempted with salvation from the cross, “Do you think that I cannot appeal to my Father, and he will at once send me more than twelve legions of angels (Matt 26:53)?” But he said "no" to the opportunity to gain the world without enduring the cross. And do you understand why he said "no?" Because if he had said "yes" to those temptations, not only would he have failed in his mission of perfect obedience to his Father, but he would have left us without a propitiation for sin. We would still be dead in our sins and trespasses, and without hope and without God in the world!

So he said "no," and the immediate pain and suffering and separation and cost were more dire than any of us can comprehend or ever will comprehend, but “for the joy that was set before him [he] endured the cross, despised the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God (Hebrews 12:2).” Because Jesus said "no," to a temporary fleeting pleasure, you now have a perfect sinless Saviour who can wash away every one of your sins, make you complete, and give you his Holy Spirit to war against the flesh, and who is glorified forever as both Creator, Man, God, and Saviour.

Beloved, you are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, so "Just Say No" to every sin…those sins will cling tightly and easily, but you have a race to run, discipline to subject yourself to, an example to follow in Jesus, and an example to set for your imitators.

I love that Wolgemuth asked for weekly updates from his daughters. His reasoning was that if you can say "no" to a second cookie today, tomorrow you are prepared to say "no" to a besetting sin that will rob you of your joy and quite possibly your eternity (He didn’t quote it, but John 10:10 comes to mind).

I look forward to hearing ways that my children, my wife, and myself "Just Say No" to temptation in our lives. And beloved, if you play, and I pray you do, I’d love to hear your victories as well!

Listening Comprehension Quiz

This video shows a dangerous situation that ended better than it could have. The analysis by the pilot shows that this successful emergency landing was not on accident. The following quiz uses this entertaining video to teach them how to listen. Recommended ages 5-105.

P-51 Emergency Landing at Duxford – Listening Comprehension Test 

When did the pilot, Mark Levi, say he needed to know the emergency procedures?

   a.       When the engine stopped

   b.       When he realized he couldn’t make it to the airport

   c.       Before he ever flew the airplane and before every flight

   d.       Before he got his pilot’s license

The pilot said “Don’t make your emergency someone else’s emergency.” How did he do this?

   a.       By keeping the canopy on the airplane so it didn’t land on anyone

   b.       By not trying to cross the freeway to reach the airport

   c.       By turning away from the airport which was crowded with people

   d.       All of the Above

When the engine sputtered the first time, what did the pilot say he SHOULD have done?

   a.       Ignore it since the engine started running again

   b.       Make a precautionary landing

   c.       Deny that there was a problem

   d.       Get ready for it to happen again

Is it more important to save the airplane or the pilot? Extra credit: Write out why below.

   a.       Pilot

   b.       Airplane

When you know you are going to crash, what should you do?

   a.       Give up because you can’t land safely

   b.       Fly the airplane as far into the crash as you can

   c.       Get close to the ground then hold on tight

When you have too many things going on, what is it called?

   a.       Task Saturation

   b.       Over busy

   c.       Underwhelmed

   d.       Overwhelmed

What mistake did task saturation cause the pilot to make?

   a.       Lowered his landing gear because someone told him to, even though you should not land a P-51 off-airport with the gear down, and it causes you to slow down in the air too quickly

   b.       Missed the airport

   c.       Landed in the wrong field

Church Nursery Help for Inconsolable Children

We made this video to help church nursery workers console young children who are missing their parents and who need some reassurance that they'll be back, and that their emotions are understood.

If this song doesn't help then there is much more work to be done, consider a previous article, Pay Attention to Your Kids!

Please send any feedback, helps, or questions!

Pay Attention to Your Kids!

One of the most unexpectedly beneficial books I have read is called How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen by Joanna Faber. It is far from a biblical book, but it makes the point that many meltdowns from toddlers come from feeling not listened to and not being able to communicate.

That leads into this article, that one of the most important things we can do in our lives and for our children is focus our attention. I’m writing this article in the solitude of a café waiting for my next meeting at work, my attention is focused on writing. Human beings, despite our pride, are not—and never will be—good at multitasking. When I’m teaching or playing with my kids I make every attempt to be there fully, not pulled between work or my phone or writing. I recently attended an online conference for work and at several points I had to lock the door to the office because by dividing my attention between kids running in and the speaker on the screen led to both getting far less than even 50% of my attention.

Attention is so important in my life that I’m writing a dissertation on teaching it to the church. My primary text is Nehemiah 8, “And the ears of all the people were attentive to the Book of the Law…Ezra opened the book in the sight of all the people…and as he opened it all the people stood.” Long story short, the best way to hear God is by really being attentive to his Word, to remove distractions, and to realize the value in hearing, responding to, and applying it. This is reiterated over and over throughout the Bible, many preachers have pointed out that they have seminary degrees in preaching, but no-one ever receives a degree in listening, when the Bible teaches much more on listening than preaching (Boice, Piper, MacArthur, etc). Jesus said, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear (Luke 8:8).”

The importance of undivided attention cannot be overstated when listening to the Word of God. But that is not the only place you should learn to focus your attention. When interacting with people it is important as well. A child who doesn’t feel listened to is a child who is prone to feel out of control, unloved, and hopeless. Try it the next time you have a temper tantrum, hold the child until they are calm, then work through what they wanted and see if you can’t figure out how they were asking for it. 

One of the greatest joys in our life was the day, not so long ago, when our twins learned to buckle their own car seats. This is only partial hyperbole, it truly is a burden lifted not to always be climbing into the back of the car to latch them in. On Wednesday my attentive wife pulled out of the driveway and Titus cried out, “Oh no! You’re driving!” and proceeded to lose his little mind. It took a few moments but my wife encouraged him to use his words and all he could get out was, “I’m going to die!” A little more prodding and she discovered that, “I’m not buckled!” She was then able to pull over and get the troublesome latch buckled and he did not, in fact, die.

Now, being attentive to your spouse, your kids, your coworkers, and your Saviour can play out in a million ways and I’m not going to try to—nor could I—give you an authoritative list of do’s and don’ts. But I will give you a couple and some principles.

Notice in Nehemiah 8 the full attention of the people led them to “stand up” when the Word was read. This was not, as some have surmised, “out of respect for the reading of God’s Word”, this was to focus their attention on what they were about to do. Always stop what you’re doing when something worthy of your attention arises. 

Always stand up when greeting someone, always put your phone down when someone asks you a question, pause your podcast and remove your headphones (both!) if you need to speak to someone, close out your last conversation/project before starting the next one. Don't be easily distracted from an important task or conversation.

My two-year-old is in the “Come with/Come see” stage and she lifts her little hand up and squeezes to say grab my hand! I don’t want to squash that in the least so I happily grab her hand and go see. Just because it might not be groundbreaking to me doesn’t mean it’s not important to her, and I want to be involved in her growth and let her know that I pay attention to what is important to her.

So, beloved, take every opportunity to be focusing your attention, reject multi-tasking, and love your kids by listening to them and participating in their lives.

A Brief Thought on Children's Devotionals

When it comes to children’s devotions or books on the Bible there are no lack of options, but unfortunately, finding a good one is a difficult task. Charles Spurgeon said, “It does seem to me as if some people say, ‘Here is a place of worship. There is sure to be a sermon, let us go in and hear it.’ Ah! but all that is preached is not Gospel and it is not all hearing that will be valuable to your souls.” It does seem to me that many people say, “Here is an illustrated book on the Bible for children, let’s open it and learn some truth.” But not all that is drawn or paraphrased is Gospel and not all children’s books are valuable for your children’s souls!

I'm writing this post to encourage you in my three favorite resources, and to warn you against one of the most popular.

The One Year Bible for Children – V. Gilbert Beers

First, by far the best from an under-10 year-old standpoint is The NLT One Year Bible for Children by V. Gilbert Beers. This is an illustrated book working through the Bible in chronological order over one year, it lays a good foundation of Bible stories and most importantly it continues to tell the Bible story in one contiguous narrative. Quotations are taken directly from the Bible and I’ve yet to find a devotion that was not biblical.

The illustrations are phenomenal, and I don’t use that word lightly. Even if you don’t have children I’d recommend this book purely from an artistic value. When Joshua led the Israelites across the Jordan River bed the painting clearly depicts dry dust coming up from the feet of those crossing. This level of detail is one that is repeated in many of the stories. It’s not my intention to tell you all of the awesome paintings in this book, but be sure there are many that will astonish you.

The application in the Old Testament is sometimes lacking, but the stories are always faithfully told. Many times the quality of the story has taken us to places that a wooden application would have constrained us in. For example, yesterday’s devotion was on the men who stayed back with the baggage when David destroyed the Amalekites. The application mentioned nothing about the different members of the body or the different members of the church or different roles we all fulfill, but that’s where we went and had an entertaining and beneficial conversation about if we were made up of only eyes or ears or feet.

The greatest failing is that Jesus is almost always left out of the Old Testament. Especially in the story of the Bronze Serpent lifted up by Moses I though that Beers should have at least mentioned that the story was quoted in John 3. I could almost defend him however, that maybe he is considering that if children know the Old Testament reference then when they are reading the New Testament they will draw their own connections instead of being explicitly told about it.

So, I recommend this book with the caveat that you need to be prepared to share the application or at least help your children flesh out the Gospel story. Each lesson is short, ten minutes or less, but the quality of the content makes it beneficial if you only read it to your children, or if that reading leads into a much deeper conversation.

Long Story Short – Marty Machowski

The second devotional I recommend is Long Story Short by Marty Machowski. This book is for older kids, I’d say this one really works for kids over five, and that might be a tad too young. Long Story Short takes a single narrative and spends five days fleshing it out. This really drives the point of the story home and adds on it every day.

Parents, where this book is not easy is that you can’t just pick it up and go, it requires some preplanning and some sort of preparation. For example, one lesson requires you to have a trumpet or a kazoo (or anywhere in between) to blow at the walls of Jericho. I found this out after we started reading that particular devotional and had to scramble to make something work. Of course, the kids loved the trumpet played in the house and trying to make it make noise itself, but if you’re looking for a book you can just pick up at the end of the day and let it do all of the work, this book will not work for you.

I love the idea of this book and the depth, but I think five days is too long for a children’s devotional. When we pick it back up in a year or two we’ll modify it a bit, either compressing each story into three days, or intertwining them so that it’s not always the same story.

However, the emphasis on the Gospel is wonderful and it introduces children to the depth of Bible study in a way that is both fun, engaging, and most importantly, memorable.

Built Upon the Rock – Brooke Snyder

My third favorite is Built Upon the Rock: Devotions for the First Years by Dr. Brooke Snyder. Now, I have to confess that Dave and Brooke Snyder are dear friends of ours and our copy is not only signed, but was a gift. But, it is also masterfully written and comes with a passion for child rearing that is not manufactured just to write a book, but because the Snyder’s truly love their children and want them to know Jesus, and want to help you help your children known Jesus.

Built Upon the Rock is written on the premise that we don’t want there ever to be a time in our child’s life where they did not hear the name of Jesus in the home, or know the power of the Gospel.

Unlike the other two books, this is not a yearly devotional, but a collection of great ideas to teach deep spiritual truths to growing minds. However, Brooke identifies that if you take one devotional a week, it will cover a year. It has been several years since I read this book, and in writing this it has spurred me to read it again, but the truly important thing that I have taken away from this book is that you are never too young to be building a spiritual foundation.

Recently my kids were playing with playdough and because of this book I though it would be a great time to consider spiritual things. We grabbed a rock of similar size to a lump of playdough and took turns trying to form the rock and the playdough into something. Readily enough my kids learned the meaning of a malleable heart. But then we took that playdough and pulled it in every direction and learned why being too pliable, pulled around by every influence, is bad as well.

While I don’t think this is a devotion from the book, the idea of it certainly came from Brooke’s influence in my life, and for that reason I’ll be forever grateful.

In order to set your heart, dear parent, on spiritual training of your children, I recommend this book to you.

The Jesus Storybook Bible – Sally Lloyd-Jones

Arguably the most influential children’s devotional of recent times is The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name by Sally Lloyd-Jones. This is one of my least favorite devotionals, and one I want to caution you from reading to your children.

First, though, the Jesus Storybook Bible does make a very good point that Jesus can be found in every story of the Bible. I know at least one person who has been deeply helped by this point and I am glad for that.

Second, some of the details are very useful, especially the mention of the little girl of 2 Kings 5:2 who sent Naaman to God's man for help. There are gleanings from this devotional.

However, the most important thing about this book is that it is NOT a Bible. It makes no effort to follow the biblical dialogue and regularly injects unbiblical language. Second, it is far from exhaustive, it spends a lot of time in the Pentateuch and a spackling through the prophets, but then BAM, you’re in the New Testament without any mention of the Bible that has been left out.

But most importantly, Sally Lloyd-Jones has arguably ridden into the lime-light on the power and credibility of her last name. Only recently has there been any discernible effort to make the distinction that she bears ZERO relation to Dr. Martin Lloyd-Jones. Her theology, her writing, and her understanding of the Gospel fall far short of the Doctor.

Cody Libolt has written a masterful argument about this devotional and that the main theme of God’s glory, grace, and wrath is utterly missing from Lloyd-Jones’ book. I encourage you to read his article called, The Core Theme of the Jesus Storybook Bible is Wrong.

The Bible

Finally, I know more than one family who have opted to read from the source itself, the Bible, to teach children. Beloved, I think there is great wisdom in this, but also a great danger. The first time I tried to read the Bible I was sixteen and started in Genesis 1. I don’t think I got past about Genesis 5 before setting it down. Why? Because I was not spiritually discerned. Neither are our children. Keep that in mind as you take them through the Bible, they aren’t able or interested in knowing the nuances of who begot who or who married who or the exegetical jewels of the book of Leviticus, or the intricacies of eschatology.

My five year old, three year olds, and two year old don’t like steak. It blows my mind, if I cut it up really fine like it’s hamburger then they’ll eat it, but my five year old recently told her grandmother, “I don’t like steak, my daddy likes steak, but I don’t like steak.” She even made a terrible face to drive the point home...Thank God for her candor. My two year old, on the other hand, practically lives off of milk. She drinks so much milk you’d think she was a calf. This is exacerbated by the fact that she recently learned to fill up her own cup.

Conclusion

So, as you’re teaching your kids from the Bible or a devotional, keep in mind that the most beautiful fillet mignon of a Bible study served up to a toddler is going to end up picked at, discarded, and asking for a snack later. Whether you're cutting up the Bible yourself so that your kids can digest it, or you're hiring someone to help you, keep in mind that children think like children, so teach them in a way that they can grasp but that points them to the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I like The One Year Bible, Long Story Short, and Built Upon the Rock because they have served up the Bible in small bite-size chunks for your kids to digest, enjoy, and move towards those meaty studies that will come later in their lives.

Daddy Tax!

Today marked an Easter Egg Hunt which provided each of our children with about 2lbs of candy. As they started to tear open wrappers and sort chocolates from sweets from sours from gum I saw my chance. Not just my chance to have some candy, but my chance to instill a lifelong lesson on generosity and the source of all good things.

“Daddy Tax!” I declared as I picked out some of my favorites from the candy buckets. Only the littlest one looked at me with a scowl before it quickly melted into a smile. All of the rest know the routine.

I’ve been doing this for a while, but I’ve been consistent in it since early 2016 when we were providing care for a five year old girl. She asked for a snack and I happily gave her some gummies and Goldfish®, then, out of habit, I said, “Daddy Tax”, and helped myself to a few fish and gummies from her plate. Her wrath was quickly kindled, “Hey! That’s mine.” Words fail me to describe her meltdown that ensued. After gaining some semblance of calmness I asked, “Did you pay for these?” “No.” “Did you go to the store and bring them home?” “No.” “These aren’t yours, these are mine, and I’ve decided to give you some because I care about you.”

This is a vital lesson to teach your children, that everything they have, from their snacks and candy all the way to the air they breathe belongs to God. Not a single thing we have has come from a source other than God. He explained during the rebuilding of the temple that it wasn’t small or unassuming because God couldn’t afford a better temple, but because it’s what he intended, “The silver is mine, and the gold is mine (Haggai 2:8).” Elsewhere this is reiterated, “He is not served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything (Acts 17:25).”

You may come up with a better name than I have, I tried variations on “tithing” but they just didn’t stick for the kids. It is meant to be silly and fun in one sense, but it is also meant in another sense to turn their hearts to the realization that is God who gives them every good thing.

After Notre Dame burned earlier this week over $1B was pledged to the rebuilding. There was some very strange entitled backlash against those pledges. Some said, “The fact that billionaires have pledged…to fix it just really puts into perspective how easily rich people could help solve world issues if they cared (cited from the Public Domain).” I hope to be teaching my children that the problem with the world is not a lack of stuff or money or food, because God has lavished on us every thing we need, but the problem with the world is a matter of hearts that rebel in every way against Heaven and put their hope in everything but God.

My children’s problem (and yours and mine) is that our natural heart inclination is that we can be sufficient in and of our own selves, that if we only had more, owned more, knew more, lived more, were given more, held onto more...then we would be happy. "Daddy Tax" is one effort to teach that every good gift we have comes from above, and that God gives us much more than we can ask or imagine. If he gave us his Son will he not give us graciously all things?

For further reading, see 2 Corinthians 8 and 9!

You will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way! ~ 2 Corinthians 9:11

The Importance of Routine

We have an evening routine that goes like this:

1. Read

2. Sing (Hymnal or Otherwise)

3. Pray

4. Sing (Bedtime)

5. Hugs and Kisses

Having a routine is a hard thing to do. I am tempted to say, “In today’s day and age” but I believe routine has always been hard to do, and I won’t give you or I the excuse that our smart-phones are to blame. If we’re not redeeming our time and planning our lives then we have ourselves to blame first.

I am far from perfect in this regard, but I see the value in it. I recently heard someone say that the first step in teaching a boy to resist the temptation of pornography starts years before when we teach them that bedtime means bedtime. I see the truth in this, it is training a child in the way he should go, so that when he is old he will not depart from it.

Your routine doesn’t have to look like our routine, as long as it looks like your routine.

We start our bedtime routine about forty-five minutes before bedtime. We begin by reading something, future articles will address some of the books we’ve especially enjoyed and some different Bible devotionals, but the important thing here is that you are reading to your kids. This teaches them to sit down, focus their attention, and that there is more to learn and hear than mom and/or dad can offer in the world. I would only recommend to start that you pick something you agree with, but within only a few months I believe it’s fine to read books that need to be discussed.

Then, we sing a song or two. If I’m especially prepared then I’ll have something prepared that matches the reading, but I’m not usually that prepared. For example, we recently read about the Bronze Serpent lifted up in the wilderness and then sang “Set Your Eyes” by Jonathan and Emily Martin. We have two hymnals, the Baptist Hymnal, and Hymns of Grace, and we employ both regularly. We also assign each child a hymn that we have chosen for them, and then they usually choose one for themselves also. Our oldest daughter for example was assigned “Before the Throne of God Above” but she chose “Joy to the World” as her personal hymn. We usually allow dancing during the singing, but we really encourage singing along. Sometimes we throw in a silly song like Baby Shark or 5 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed (since that song is about our middlest daughter).

Then we pray about the events that happened that day and for the events coming up. The age of your kids and their discipline level will dictate how long your prayer is, as well as the other parts of your routine, but we usually keep ours less than two minutes as our kids are pretty young. Sometimes I encourage a child to pray, and if they leave some things unsaid then either Tina or I will pray. The routine of prayer is what is important, not necessarily what is prayed about.

Then we sing two songs, what is called the sleepy-time song and the doxology (Ironically the doxology was meant to start the day, but it works better as a bedtime song). In a future blogpost I’ll share the sleepy-time song which needs some revision, but the routine certainly tells the kids it is bedtime.

Finally, everyone is encouraged to love on each other and then we head for bed. All snacking/drinking/chores are expected to be accomplished before this routine so it should truly close out the day. I have experimented with visiting children in their bedrooms to review the day, and sometimes this is well received and other times it riles them up. Like I said, your routine should be your own.

These routines are doing more than establishing that it is bedtime. I hope that they will be fostering discipline, displaying order, ensuring there is a time for reading and prayer in the day, and encouraging bonding.

These especially help when one of us cannot be at bedtime, such as for work or other commitment. The routine doesn’t take the place of the absent parent, but it establishes a precedent that just because something is different, the plan is the same. God’s plan is perfect, and while our circumstances and location may change, our relationship with God and our worship should continue in Christ. Even when we need to fly through this routine in a few minutes it still has the desired effect of establishing bedtime.

When Daniel was in exile and the law came down that no-one could worship anyone other than the king, he did not hesitate to pick up his routine of praying (Daniel 6:10), because it was what he had trained himself to do, and it had fostered a courage in God that could not be shaken. I pray that my children will forever read their Bibles, sing praises to the true King, pray, and love each other, no matter what else in their life changes.

Punishment Versus Correction

You should never punish your children. That is not a cunning statement, don’t read it any other way than it is written. You SHOULD NEVER punish your children.

We have a “Get Along Chair” sometimes called a “Work it Out Chair” where many a time you can find two or more of our children banished from their freedom in order to enjoy their sibling and talk in a reasoned and close conversation. Is that punishment? Heaven forbid they would equate spending time with one another and working through struggles as punishment!

If my children grow up to see that chair as punishment, then I will have failed. It is CORRECTION, DISCIPLINE, REPROOF, CHASTISEMENT, and it is meant to take an unacceptable behavior—such as disagreeing with your sibling and resorting to violence to get your way—and replace it with an acceptable behavior aimed at the heart—in this case talking through problems, recognizing that their relationship with their brother or sister is more important than a toy, and that reconciliation is better than strife. Likewise, your children should not see your discipline as punishment, and you ought not be punishing your children. The discipline of a parent should always be aimed at correcting behavior and emphasizing grace, mercy, and justice in the child’s life.

And what does God say about this? A lot, unsurprisingly.

First, punishment is not meant for correction, punishment is purely punitive and sums up the justice in the quip, “Justice is when we get what we deserve, mercy is when we don’t get what we deserve, and grace is when we get what we don’t deserve.” Every sinner deserves justice, and your children should know well the commands of Leviticus 20:9 and Deuteronomy 21:18-21 concerning the stoning of disobedient children. Justice demands punishment, but love covers a multitude of sins. Someone will or already has paid for your child’s sin, either your child will pay for it for eternity, or Jesus paid for it on Calvary. Note the way Jesus speaks of Hell, “and these will go away into eternal PUNISHMENT (Matt 25:46, emphasis mine).”

Next, punishment is not your job. “Vengeance is mine: I will repay (Rom 12:19, et al)!” says God. Your job is to describe God’s law, his grace, and his wrath and to provide goading correction along the way. Even if it were your job to punish your child, your punishment is weak and unjust and ineffective and incomplete and imperfect, Jesus said, “Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul, rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in Hell (Matt 10:28).”

Thirdly, your job is to keep your children from punishment. "It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the Living God (Hebrews 10:31)!" It is your job to teach them God's law and his grace so that they will hear and respond to the call of Jesus Christ to come. It is your job to teach them that there are consequences for disobedience and that someday God will no longer strive with them and that the patience of God is a temporary salvation granting them opportunity to find lasting salvation in the cross of Christ.

Lastly, punishment is not loving, it is entirely devoid of love and is entirely wrath, thank God that for all of the responsibilities he has bestowed on us, this is not one of them. Remember, there is no fear in love, because perfect love casts out all fear, why? “Fear has to do with punishment (1 John 4:18).” Your job is to love your children, and punishment is devoid of love. Rather, listen to what Jesus said of some severe affliction he was placing on his church, “those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent (Rev 3:19)!”

This is not a systematic theology on discipline and punishment, there are far more passages to study and consider (cf. Hebrews 12:5-11ff, Prov 13:24, Prov 23:13, etc, etc). However, beloved, this is an exhortation to consider how you are responding to your children. Do they consider it harsh punishment (there is a whole sermon there on how Cain received his reproof (Gen 4:13)) or do they consider it painful loving discipline?

Do they welcome correction or do their scorn it? One of your jobs is to teach your child to love correction and so that when he receives it from men he will be better for it, and when he receives it from God he will repent and rejoice that he has a heavenly father who cares for his eternal soul.

And please remember, you should never punish your children.

Reprove a wise man, and he will love you. ~ Proverbs 9:8

Discipline Starts in the Parents

This is the first in a long line of parenting posts I have been considering. It will deal with where child raising begins, which is in the parents. I have been convicted and have been praying about changing the direction of my webpresence. Historically I have focused on theology and evangelism with a bit of application sprinkled in. I have decided to change the focus to an application driven blog laid on a foundation of theology.

One of the reasons this transition has been so long in coming is because in my own authority and wisdom I am not a perfect father, far from it. But in the grace of God, and by his authority, and through his Word, and the godly wisdom of great saints I have been endowed with the authority and wisdom to offer some advice and administer some commands to parents struggling with parenting or who recognize that they have room to grow.

This blog is inspired and titled by my dear pastor from Florida, Randy Kuhn. He told me on more than one occasion and it has stuck, “Discipline starts in the parents.” Let me tell you again, if you only get one thing out of this: Discipline starts in the parents!

I’ve read more parent-help books than I’d care to admit, and very few have been without something helpful, but I’ve noticed the trend that they are all focused on the child’s heart, or the child’s behavior, or correction techniques, or tips & tricks, or presenting the Bible in just the right way. I am not against these things, but they are not the fix you’re looking for, and it’s why so many parents have “tried the techniques” and are still not seeing results in their children.

I recently came to an epiphany—if you can come to an epiphany—that teaching discipline is not a feat that can be accomplished by listening to one sermon, attending one Bible study, writing one dissertation, or talking with one family that has it right: it requires training of the heart that is made effective through practice (cf. Philemon 6, Deuteronomy 6:7, Proverbs 22:6). This applies to parents and to children, and requires constant practice, and Christian parents have a benefit that children rarely have, and that being the Holy Spirit (cf. Philippians 1:6). One of the wonders of Christianity is that God uses the personalities of men in conjunction with the working of his power, and those personalities are formed long before we walk with God. I am blessed to have a work ethic that was ingrained in me from a young age. I remember being four years old building a house with my father, and throughout my entire childhood working on all sorts of equipment with him, and as an adult working well into the night to finish a tile floor just days before I joined the Air Force. But get this, my father is not a believer (I am deeply appreciative of your prayers for him), and neither was I until my third year in the Air Force. But I still see that work ethic (honed in the gospel) find its way to the forefront of my life time and time again.

I am daily tempted to not hold my children to a high standard considering that they are little sinners enslaved in their sin who daily scorn the Saviour’s love. But, beloved, my temptation is not the truth! Throughout scripture we read of fathers training up children in the truth long before they met Christ. Time would fail a full list, but I will briefly name Jacob, Manasseh, and the prodigal Son who were well served by godly upbringings prior to their reconciliation with God. I chose to include Manasseh on that list, and would also put forward Samson, as examples who went far astray, but who returned to the God of their father’s before the end. I cannot promise you an easy upbringing of your children, but I can promise you the peace beyond all understanding that comes in knowing and resting in Christ and his work, and walking the path he laid out before time for you.

This discipline must be constant and predictable. I am in a slightly more elevated observation point than many in that we have six children. If you have one or two you might not notice the damage done by letting a child get away with an infraction because it probably doesn’t instantly cause other issues. But with six, if I let one disobedience slip I’ll see the instant ramifications in one of two ways, either the other five will start to act up, or one of the other five will complain about the unfairness of the injustice.

Loved ones, if you follow a Tedd Tripp book or an Elizabeth Krueger book or a Focus on the Family book or a Ken Ham book or a Ray Comfort book…or any other book…what I would ask you to do is stick with the principles in those book(s) that align with the Scriptures (namely Proverbs which spends much more time in childrearing than most parents realize). You’re not going to find a trick in any of those books (even Proverbs) that is going to give you a quick fix, and it is bordering on provoking your kids to anger to continually change tactics, requirements, and methods on them. Speak with godly counsel, read Proverbs, and make your plan, then stick with it. There is, of course, room for modification, but not a single discipline method can work if you don’t have the discipline to stick with it.

Discipline in the parents requires you to be disciplined in three areas: 1. Striving to grow closer to Christ yourself. 2. Training your children up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. 3. Providing correction when they sin.

In closing, I want to emphasize that this is not easy and there is no checklist, you must make this decision now to be disciplined in your parenting. Matt Chandler exhorted fathers once that it is a father’s job to be exhausted. Having that mindset has been freeing to work hard and press through tiredness; likewise it is your job to be disciplined and administer discipline. Don’t worry about what this does to your friendship with your children, you’re called to lead them to Christ, not to be their friend. You can be their friend when they are your brother or sister in the faith, but now you are called to embark on the exhausting, relentless, and rewarding journey of being a disciplined parent.

The Daughter of Mordecai

In the wonderful biblical book of Esther are many godly lessons to be learned. As a father of three boys and two girls and having a third girl stay with us temporarily, I noticed something in Esther that I had never seen before: I noticed the fatherly role of Mordecai and the things he taught Esther in her youth that blessed her and her people when she became an adult.

In Mordecai we have not only a righteous man who stands for the truth, stands against (in refusing to physically stand) evil, and who rests on the providence of God, but we also have a great example of a biblical father. We see him teaching Esther obedience, compassion, prayer, and courage, among other things.

Mordecai Stepped up to Raise Esther

"Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world (James 2:27).” We see Mordecai stepping up to raise the orphaned Hadassah (later called Esther) in the death of her parents, who are Mordecai’s uncle and aunt.

He was bringing up Esther, the daughter of his uncle, for she had neither father nor mother…Mordecai took her as his own daughter. ~Esther 2:7

Mordecai Cared for Esther

Mordecai not only stepped up to take care of Hadassah, but he stepped into the biblical role of father, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).” He was much older than Hadassah, and so perhaps he might have thought that it would have been better to turn her over to a younger Hebrew family, but as we see later in the book, he trusted in the divine providence of God, and perhaps, he thought, she had come into his house for a reason.

Mordecai loved and cherished and cared for Hadassah. When the king of Persia sought out a new beautiful young queen, Hadassah was gathered into the citadel. During her time of preparation, one year, to meet the king, the Bible tells us, “Every day Mordecai walked in front of the court of the harem to learn how Esther was and what was happening to her (Esther 2:11).”

In his love for her, he looked after her safety and made sure she was being taken care of. Mordecai had raised Hadassah to walk in the way she should, and he had done a good job.

Let’s look at some things that Mordecai had taught his daughter.

A Meek and Obedient Heart

The time in which Mordecai and Hadassah lived in Persia was a very dangerous one. And to make matters worse, Haman the Agagite held onto a 550 year old family feud with the family of Kish, which just so happened to be Mordecai and Hadassah’s great-grandfather many times removed. Haman greatly desired to put an end to the Jewish people. For this reason Mordecai felt it wise for Hadassah to conceal her genealogy.

Mordecai commanded Hadassah to keep quiet in this matter (Esther 2:10), and she did. This was not the first or only time that Hadassah had obeyed Mordecai, she was obedient in this very important matter because she had been brought up in obedience.

Esther had not made known her kindred or her people, as Mordecai had commanded her, for Esther obeyed Mordecai just as when she was brought up by him.
~ Esther 2:20

Obedience in the small things will be translated to obedience in the large things. Beloved, it is not a stretch of the imagination to see that if your child listens to you in your living room when you command them to put their shoes away, that it might save their life in a busy parking lot when you command them not to step off the curb, and it certainly will save their soul when they hear the command of God to obey the gospel of grace (cf 1 Peter 4:17).

Hadassah was quite possibly the most beautiful woman in Persia, she was well liked by everyone she met, she had her own entourage; she most certainly could have chosen to disobey Mordecai seeing as her political position was higher than his, but her strength bowed to Mordecai’s will, and it saved not only her life, but the lives of countless others.

Hadassah loved, obeyed, and respected her father.

A Respectful Demeanor

When Hadassah meets the eunuch who has charge over her, she wins his favor. We see in Esther 2:15 that the would-be-queens who go to meet the king are allowed to bring something with them, but Esther, in her trust in God, chooses to bring nothing special with her, except that which her Eunuch, Hegai, instructs her to bring. She respects his wisdom and position, and though she knows she has God’s favor and needs to bring nothing to meet the king, she respects Hegai and takes what he advised.

Because of this, she not only won the respect of Hegai, but also that of everyone who saw her (Esther 2:15). This was in no small part because of her respectful heart and demeanor. And where did she learn these things? From her father, Mordecai. Esther was kind to everyone, not just those that could benefit her, this was not something that could be taught with words, undoubtedly Esther learned this through watching her father interact with others.

It ought to be every Christian’s goal to be “well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil (1 Timothy 3:7).” The Christian ought to live a life of kindness, generosity, respect, and love. Surely the message of the cross is offensive and the Christian will be hated for it, but the only offense of the Christian ought to be message of the cross, not of a failed and offensive character (cf also 1 Peter 2:11-12).

Hadassah, just as all Christians, could show grace to a lost and worldly people because of a complete trust in God to grant mercy or mete out justice according to his infinite wisdom.

Trust in God

The maidens who appeared before the king of Persia had the option of asking for accompaniment into the king’s court. Some have speculated that this may have been music to show their prowess in dancing, or an expensive wine or perfume to seek to sway the king’s heart, or an important escort such as a prince or politician to show the king their importance. But Hadassah chose none of these things, she trusted in God that he would go before her and grant her favor in the eyes of the king. While Hadassah was very beautiful, she knew the Proverb, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30).” Hadassah knew that if she won the king’s favor with her beauty, then in time when the years had eroded away at her beauty and figure, the king might replace her for a younger woman. Instead, Hadassah trusted God and met the king with her true and lasting beauty, the beauty of her spirit. Peter would write five hundred years later, “Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quite spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious (1 Peter 3:3-4).”

Hadassah undoubtedly won the heart of the king through her respectful and pure conduct (Esther 2:17).

Purity

As we sit in the 21st century it is easy to think that sin is easier to find than it ever has been. We have television that brings wanton immorality straight into our homes, we have the internet that with just a keystroke can open up destructive things that will scar our souls for a lifetime, we have sexualized culture in every facet. But beloved, things were no easier for Mordecai and Esther. Sin has always been treacherous and abundant, and no temptation has appeared in the 21st century that has not always been common to man.

This is abundantly clear in the twelve month waiting period before a maiden would meet the king. These girls were locked away in the citadel with no men but eunuchs to guard them. It has been accurately surmised that the yearlong wait was partly meant to filter out the girls who were pregnant when the king’s decree was made. And while the Bible does not say so, I suspect at least a few girls were disqualified from meeting the king because of the wait.

Mordecai had trained up his daughter in such a way that she was chaste, pure, and worthy to marry a king.

Graceful and Submissive

One of the reasons that the king was in search of a new wife was because his previous wife had been contentious and disobedient. It must have been a tremendous relief to him to meet Esther in her submissive and graceful demeanor. “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels (Proverbs 31:10),” and “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all (Proverbs 31:29).”

Fathers, did you know, or more importantly does your son know, that Proverbs 31 is not written to teach women how to act? It is written to a son to instruct him on the value of a virtuous wife. I pray that I will raise my daughters to be a blessing to their husbands as they exhibit grace and embrace submissiveness and that my sons will not be destroyed (Proverbs 31:3) by worldly women.

I pray that they will reach out to the poor, speak for the mute, and open their hands to lift the downcast up to see Jesus, to love mercy, seek justice, and walk humbly with their God (Proverbs 31:9,20, Micah 6:8).

How to Read People

When Haman gains the ear of the king he devises a plot to wipe out all of the Jews in the Mede-Persian Empire, which for all intents and purposes included every Jew alive at the time. When Mordecai learns of the plot, he is obviously driven to despair and tears his clothes, dresses in sackcloth, and heaps ashes upon his head. Hadassah, oblivious to the danger, sought to comfort her father by sending him new clothing to wear. When Mordecai refuses, Esther realizes that something important is happening. She did not press him to change clothes, or cheer up, but instead listens to him and hears his distress.

From her position, it would have been very easy for Hadassah to have assumed Mordecai was overreacting or being ungrateful to her husband the king or sought to press him to end his lamentations (cf Nehemiah 2:2). Mordecai had probably taught her the proverb, “Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda (Proverbs 25:20).” So instead of fighting Mordecai, she empathized with him, and accurately identified that she needed to invest more time and effort into his current situation.

Hadassah knew how to read Mordecai, and knew that his distress was important to him, so she made it important to her, and in so doing she saved many lives, including her own.

Compassion

When Hadassah learns of the plot to exterminate the Jews she acts and in so doing saves not only the lives of her people, but also her own life. A case could be made that she acted only out of self preservation and not a compassionate heart. But that does not stand up to scrutiny, for by Esther 8:3 Hadassah is safe from harm, but she once against entreats the favor of the king to save her people. She puts her own life in danger (Esther 4:11, 8:3) to intercede for her people, even when her life is quite secure.

Mordecai had taught her well to love God and love people, and to make sacrifices in order to help, protect, and even save others. May we, like the Messiah Jesus, be teaching our children that it is “More blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:35).” May we, like the Apostle Paul, be willing to sacrifice everything for others (Romans 9:3). May we, like Christ, do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than ourselves, looking not only to our own interests, but also to the interests of others (Philippians 4:3-4).

Let us set the example for our children, as Mordecai did in adopting Hadassah and raising her, and then pray for them that they would be imitators of us as we are of Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1).

Prayer

The most important lesson that Mordecai taught Hadassah was how to pray and seek God. When the disciples approached Christ they did not ask him to teach them how to walk on water, or turn water into wine, or multiply fishes, or heal the sick, or even to raise the dead, they asked him to teach them to pray (Luke 11:1). Beloved, if you teach your children only one thing, teach them how to come to God (John 14:6) and know the one true God and Jesus Christ whom he has sent (John 17:3).

When Hadassah was faced with impossible circumstances she did not despair for her life, but turned to God in prayer and fasting, and entreated all of the Jews in town to likewise fast and pray for her (Esther 4:16). Hadassah did not suggest a menial prayer at mealtime, she called for a three day fast of food AND water. Three days without water is nearly fatal, but without God’s favor the Jews would surely die. Hadassah took her entreaty to God very seriously, and found faith, favor, and courage in God’s providence. For after all, if God is for us, who can be against us (Romans 8:31)?

Courage

Finally, in Hadassah’s life we see a tremendous amount of courage. She takes her life in her hands when she walks uninvited into the presence of the king, not once but twice (Esther 5:1, 8:3-5). She had replaced an unsubmissive wife and so contextually she was in far more danger than most in stepping into the king’s court without being summoned, but the necessity outweighed the risk and she put on strength (Proverbs 31:25) and accepted the danger. She told her father, “If I perish, I perish (Esther 4:16).”

I imagine a five year old Hadassah sitting on her grey-haired father's lap and him telling her, “Fear not those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear God who can destroy both soul and body in Hell (Matthew 10:28)." Esther put away her fear of man and kings, she took courage in the providence of God, and knew that God does not believe in coincidences and had not put her in the palace for no reason (Esther 4:14), but that she was to, as William Carey put it 2300 years later, “Expect great things from God, and attempt great things for God.”

Courage is something that God can muster out of nothing, but more often it is a character trait trained through years of practice. Young David did not rush out to meet Goliath without a character of courage that had risked life and limb earlier in his life (1 Samuel 17:34-36). Certainly Hadassah had not decided to be courageous for the first time in the king's palace, but Mordecai had raised her up to walk in courage and know that it was God who walked before her, and who commanded angels to guard her in all her ways (Psalm 91, especially Psalm 91:11). Hadassah was trained in courage, so when great courage was required of her, she was prepared to rise and meet the challenge.

Conclusion

Mordecai was undoubtedly proud of the things his daughter accomplished through the sovereignty and working of God. But beloved, I doubt he was surprised by them. He had ingrained these things in his little girl from the time she could understand his words, and probably even before that. He had trained up his child in the way she should go, and when she was older and a queen in a hostile and strange land, she did not depart from the statutes of God.

Take Mordecai’s example, step up to be the father your children or the children in your house (church, community, etc) need. Care for their needs, see that they are safe, and bring them up to fear God and be used by him in the way in which he has prepared (Ephesians 2:10). Teach them to respect others, to show empathy and compassion, to obey your commands so they will obey God’s commands, to submit and trust to God’s will, how to pray, and how to be strong and courageous. Teach your boys, and even your girls, to laugh in the face of danger (Proverbs 31:25).

You have come into your childrens’ lives for just such a task as this. And who knows, perhaps you and God are preparing them to see nations saved and the name of Jesus lifted high as his peace is published throughout a foreign and hostile land.

In closing, Esther means “Star” and I believe it refers to God shining his righteousness and steadfast love through her. I am also apt to say that it is a partial fulfillment of the prophecy of Daniel, “Those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the sky above; and those who turn many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever (Daniel 12:3).”

May it be, and may your name and the names of your children be forever remembered in regards to your faith in the living God who loved us and gave himself for us, and by the many that you and your family turn to righteousness, just as Mordecai and Hadassah are remembered and immortalized in the Book of Esther and in the hearts of millions of Persian Jews who were saved from the snare of the evil one. May your family be a starry cluster trained up in the way in which they should go.