This is a chapter from an upcoming book, Hope in the Loss of a Baby: A Deeper Dive into what the Bible says about Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death.
Who Sinned?
When a child dies, amidst our compassion, sorrow, and shock,
we often find ourselves asking “whose fault is it?” You may even feel regret
for wondering on this complicated question. As painful as it is, it’s a valid
question, because sometimes the answer is obvious that someone is clearly at
fault, other times it’s hidden, sometimes no one sinned, and sometimes we just
won’t know.
Certain religions would say that a baby who dies before
birth or shortly after birth is being punished for either sins in a past life
or for sins that they would have committed later in life. The Judeo-Christian
world-view is not immune from this erroneous belief, as we see in John 9:1-2,
even Jesus’ disciples asked if the man had sinned and that was why he was born
blind. We can trace their line of thinking mostly to extrabiblical rabbis who
said that suffering had to be caused by sin.[1]
We also see this when Bildad, a companion of Job, blamed
Job’s children for their death, “If your children have sinned against [God], he
has delivered them into the hand of their transgression” (Job 8:4). It’s
important to note that Bildad is later rebuked by God himself for this foolish
statement (Job 42:7-8). Sometimes people are killed for their own sins (see
Numbers 16:30 and Ezekiel 18:20), but in Bildad’s case, he made a confident
assertion without having any evidence. As a counselor I’ve heard my fair share
of these mean-spirited and uninformed answers; one that especially stands out
as deserving a rebuke directly from heaven was, “Well it’s no surprise, she’s
not a healthy mother.”
On the other side we don’t want to pretend that there isn’t
a purpose. I’ve heard more than one well-meaning counselor say, “These things
just happen.” But God is in all of the details, and if not even a sparrow can fall
to the ground apart from our Father (Matthew 10:29), then these things don’t
just happen, there is a cause and a purpose behind them. Seeking out the answer
allows for three main purposes.
1.
If repentance is due, we know how to repent.
2.
If forgiveness is required, we know who to
forgive.
3. Ultimately,
so we can trust God in all the details so that our imaginations, consciences,
and bitterness don’t consume us.
It’s helpful to start with the fact that the universe is not
as it should be. We see that sin entered the world through one man, and death
through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned (Romans 5:12),
and it has affected not only human beings, but all of creation,
For the creation was subjected to
futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the
creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the
freedom of the glory of the children of God. ~ Romans 8:20-21
We see corruption and death existing everywhere; we see the
largest stars supernova and die, we see life snatched in the prime of life, and
we see that even the tiniest of babies are not immune. Use the largest
telescope and the best microscope and you can see that death is still reigning,
and will until Christ tramples death under his feet (Romans 5:21, 1 Corinthians
15:24-26). Even with our own eyes we can see the brokenness of the world. When my
family lived in South Dakota, one of our state’s giraffes died unexpectedly in seemingly
perfect health just weeks after we visited. Any drive down any highway will
reveal animals that were snuffed out in an instant. Around the globe we see
billions of dead animals fossilized in rock layers laid down by water.
Death is not natural and we should be grieved by every loss
of life. That giraffe still pains me, especially looking at pictures and videos
of my kids feeding it. One of the most fruitful conversations I ever had about
the gospel was after a new driver hit and killed an antelope and the weight of
death and guilt led the young lady to seek out answers and the cure for death
and guilt. And we have to remember that the great flood didn’t just kill
dinosaurs and soulless animals, but millions of people of all ages who had
rejected God and rebelled against his creation order.
When death entered the world through Adam’s sin, the knowledge
of good and evil came with it. Without his sin we would not be in this position
to ponder why such evil as the death of an innocent baby could be possible. Death
in the world is first and foremost to teach us to hate sin which brings forth
death. In this we hate sin in a general sense. When death visits us personally,
we also learn to hate sin in a specific sense. Sometimes the sin is ours to
hate and repent of, other times it’s someone else’s sin to hate and forgive,
and sometimes it’s no one’s fault to show that God is working in every detail.
First Thessalonians 5:18 tells us to “Rejoice in all
circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” It’s easy
to rejoice when everything is going well, and everyone is living and laughing;
it’s harder to rejoice when life has been taken with silence and darkness surrounding
us. We still rejoice because if we are in Christ, then everything is being used
for good to transform us to the image of Christ (Romans 8:28-29), which is
God’s good, acceptable, and perfect will for us (Romans 12:2), leading to our
sanctification (1 Thessalonians 4:3). He has a plan behind every circumstance,
whether it be caused by our own sin, someone else’s sin, or his own doing.
Direct Sin
The clearest statement made in scripture concerning sin that
led to the death of an infant is after David stole another man’s wife,
impregnated her, and then had the woman’s husband covertly murdered. Nathan
tells him,
Because by this deed you have
utterly scorned the Lord, the child who is born to you
shall die. ~ 2 Samuel 12:14
A broader, but similar story, is Hosea 9:10-17, where Israel’s
sins lead directly to miscarriages (verse 14) and a nation bereaved of its
children (verse 12).
God takes sin exceedingly seriously and so must we. Sin is
the means by which the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, and there are
consequences for rebelling against God.
It is nearly impossible in most cases to discern if our sin
is being punished in this way. Let me repeat that: in almost all cases this is
not discernible. However, our hearts will still consider it, so it is always
good to search our heart and conscience to determine if there is any deceitful
way found in us.
This is a hard saying, but if you have any inclination in
your heart of a hidden or overt sin that caused the pain or death of someone
else, then seek the Lord while he may be found. If
your heart condemns you, know that God is greater than your heart, he knows if
you’re guilty or not (1 John 3:20), and either way he gives you this confidence
in him, that Christ Jesus is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near
to God through him (Hebrews 7:25).
There is a blessing in David’s story that points to God’s
greatest truth. It’s easy to overlook, but it’s quite a blessing. Nathan tells
David, “The Lord has put away your sin; you
shall not die” (2 Samuel 12:13). David should have died for his sin, yet God did
not hold it against David. God is not unjust to overlook sin, otherwise Uriah,
the murdered husband, would have had grounds to complain in heaven. While the
baby died, it was not his death that atoned for David’s sin being put away. The
baby died because of David’s sin, but not for David’s sin. David would have
another son (Matthew 9:27, 15:22, Luke 1:32, 18:38-39, Revelation 22:16) many
years removed who would willingly die for his sins, and not just for David’s,
but for Bathsheba’s, Uriah’s, Nathan’s, as well as your and my sin. He also
died to ensure that the baby who died would be welcomed into heaven, and so
that David could confidently say, “I shall go to him, but he will not return to
me” (2 Samuel 12:23).
Beloved, in most cases, we cannot say for certain that our
sins did or did not contribute to the death of someone else. But I can say
this, my sin did contribute directly to the death of God’s own Son, Jesus
Christ, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Mine was the sin that
drove the bitter nails
and hung Him on that judgment tree. ~
Sovereign Grace Music
Hard examples abound where there is clear causation between
sin and the death of a child. The mother drank, smoked, and did drugs before
she knew she was pregnant, leading to severe birth defects and subsequent
death. The father shook a crying infant until permanent and irreparable damage
was done. The mother put her own self before that of the children and drowned
them one by one in the bathtub. The father was driving drunk and crashed the
vehicle, leading to the child in the backseat being killed. The Mother drank
before bed and accidentally smothered the baby sleeping next to her.[2]
But it’s not as clear as it seems, because lots of babies survive and thrive
neonatal substance abuse, grow up with parents prone to rage, endure parents
with severe depression, survive severe car accidents, and spend their whole
infancy sleeping in the bed with mom and dad. Sometimes sin leads to death, and
sometimes it leads to grace.
To muddy the water even farther, less clear examples are the
toll that bitterness and complaining take on the human body, as well as hidden
sins like pornography addiction, or adultery, or murder. Can these still lead,
like they did in David and Hosea’s day, to consequences on others?
This is not as spiritual as the example given in the Bible,
but consider a father who is using and selling drugs and goes to prison. His
wife then loses the house, has to move into a dangerous neighborhood, and their
child is killed by a stray bullet. Did the child die because of the father’s
sin? These are hard questions without easy answers, but remember, our goals
are:
1.
If repentance is due, we know how to repent.
2.
If forgiveness is required, we know who to
forgive.
3. Ultimately,
so we can trust God in all the details so that our imaginations, consciences,
and bitterness don’t consume us.
If there is sin in your life, regardless if you know it
caused harm to someone else or not, now is the time to repent of it. Lay it at
the foot of a blood stained cross and give that burden to Jesus (Matthew
11:28). Seek the forgiveness freely offered by God purchased by his Son. Trust
that he is using all things for your good and his glory.
While it's hard to discern our own sin, ofttimes someone
else’s sin is clearer in both what it is and how it leads to death. But it
doesn’t make it any easier to endure.
Someone Else’s Sin
Much easier to discern is when the sin of someone else is
directly attributable to the death of a baby or child. Some examples are abortion,
negligence, and violence.
Real life examples of extraordinary tragic events include
the crew of a classified Soviet military aircraft that crashed directly into a
kindergarten in Svetlogorsk on the Baltic Sea, killing twenty-four children
immediately. Some have speculated that the crew was hungover or still drunk
from the night before, others blamed maintenance, and still others blamed a navigational
error. Whichever the cause, someone was to blame for the death of those
children.
In Aberfan, Wales, a mining accident swallowed the
elementary school and led to one-hundred-sixteen children being killed. Today
there stands a memorial at the mass grave of those children and the others who
died. Blame abounded for missed warnings and lax regulations, which ultimately
fell on the National Coal Board Chairman who resigned in the aftermath. Many
others were considered culpable and/or ashamed for their part in the disaster.
The terrorist attack on the Oklahoma City Federal Building
was driven by hatred for a very specific government agency. The attacker’s
stated goal was targeting who he thought were evil men. In the aftermath, there
now stand one-hundred-sixty-eight empty chairs where the building once stood;
nineteen of those chairs are small to represent the children who died in the
attack. We call that it a bombing, but it was really murder.
In the Bible we have examples where evil men have no mercy
on children and kill them in the street and in the womb (Isaiah 13:16-18). We’ll
examine these more when we look at Babylon’s babies, but for now let’s look at
when forgiveness is an impossible, but required response.
Murder
The murder of infants is prevalent throughout the Bible. The
Bible is a hard book to read if you’re looking for comfortable stories and a
reassurance that all is well in the world. It tells of real evil, real
suffering, and points us to a real God who has been working from the beginning
and is working now to prepare his people for a future peace and hope.
It's tempting to only think of the evil and danger being
from the outside, but much of the infanticide in the Bible comes from wicked
people in Israel. If you want to test just how bad things are in Israel at any
given time, consider how they are treating their infants. It may be bad, but
are they murdering their children?
None is so wicked as Manasseh, king of Judah. While he
committed many heinous sins, his most diabolical was, “And he burned his sons
as an offering in the Valley of the Son of Hinnom…He did much evil in the sight
of the Lord, provoking him to anger” (2 Chronicles 33:6, 2 Kings 21:6, Ahaz
committed the same sin in 2 Chronicles 28:1-4, 2 Kings 16:3). This is further
explained by God to Ezekiel,
And you took your sons and your
daughters, whom you had borne to me, and these you sacrificed to them to be
devoured. Were your whorings so small a matter that you slaughtered them up as
an offering by fire to them? ~ Ezekiel 16:20-21
Other examples are two women who agreed to kill their
children so they could survive the siege of their city (2 Kings 6:26-31), when intermingling
with foreign gods started with the people worshipping idols and ended in sacrificing
their children to them (Psalm 106:34-39), and the long story of the Northern
Kingdom’s fall which started by rejecting God’s commandments, ignoring his
rules for sacrifice, and substituting their own, which included their precious
children (2 Kings 17:16-18).
The murder of infants is the opposite of Jesus’ command, “Love
your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 19:19, et al). So why is it so prevalent in
the Old Testament, throughout history, and today?
The first we see above in Ezekiel 16, that their “whorings”
were too small a matter in their sight, they worshipped sex over their creator.
Isaiah expands on that idea by tying lust to murder, “You who burn with lust among
the oaks…who slaughter your children in the valleys” (Isaiah 57:5). Micah asks,
“Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the
sin of my soul?” (Micah 6:7). Children are a heritage from the Lord and a
direct result of his gift of sex, yet when we worship sex and reject our creator,
children often pay the brunt of the price for our sins, which is a hefty
penalty (compare Romans 1:26-27).[3]
Another reason infanticide is prevalent is the forsaking of
God’s laws. God said to Moses,
You shall not give any of your
children to offer them to Molech, and so profane the name of your God: I am the
Lord. ~ Leviticus 18:21
This idea occurs throughout the writings of Moses, Jeremiah,
and Ezekiel, among others. God does not accept human sacrifice and directly
condemns it.
The third reason for infanticide comes from who the god Molech
was purported to be; he was supposedly able to give many gifts, such as wealth,
prosperity, comfort, protection, etc, but we know that while many false gods,
prophets, and people promise life apart from God’s truth, the end is only
death. Children are often expensive and inconvenient, so much so that I
regularly say, “Why are children so expensive!? Because they’re worth it.” But for
those who don’t see their worth, it seems a viable alternative to offer them to
the god of comfort, prosperity, and ease. We called him Molech, Milcom, Asherah
in the past, today we call him by other names, but that doesn’t make him any
less evil.
The final reason I’ll speak why children are regularly
killed by action and decree, is because the world that hates God loves death.
We know that children are created in the image of God, it’s the main reason we
speak up for them. When the true God came to earth, they rejected and crucified
him. He said, “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it
hated you” (John 15:18). Molech comes from the Hebrew word for king, so we
should expect the true King, Jesus Christ, should be a direct threat to who the
world wants to set up as their king.
This is why the Pharaoh of Egypt killed the Israelite male
children, so they could not rise up against him (Exodus 1:9-10, 16). This is
why Herod sought to kill the baby Jesus, because he wanted to retain his seat
as the king of the Jews (Matthew 2:2-3, 8, 12-13, 16).
One pastor made an impassioned plea to invest in their
children’s outreach by saying, “Every child in your neighborhood has two things
in common: God loves them and Satan hates them.” I think he may have chosen “neighborhood”
to remind us to love our neighbors! Unfortunately though, Satan and his
followers will continue to hate children and murder them as often as they are
able.
Child sacrifice–which we’ve renamed as abortion–has occurred
for six-millennia, we’re not going to defeat it with policy or law, but we can fight
it with love and compassion.
Chaplains, pastors, police officers, firefighters and others
can certainly tell you stories of babies who were shaken to death, died through
negligence, were poisoned, or were drowned. Certainly, there are many heinous
ways babies have been and will be murdered.
If you are a victim or a perpetrator of such violence, know
that there is forgiveness and hope available, the blood of Christ cleanses from
all unrighteousness, both what you’ve done and what has been done to you, as we’ll
examine in the near future.
Malpractice,
Negligence, or Accident
I’ve assisted in the aftermath of two miscarriages where it
was clear that someone was at fault, though they did not set out to kill anyone.
In one case it was improperly prepared food and in another it was someone
claiming to have training and credentials that they had fabricated.
Other babies have been killed in automobile accidents or
through negligence, and recently an untested vaccine led to many avoidable
miscarriages. Only God knows if these were driven by malevolence or just
malpractice or just an accident. Concerning the vaccine, certainly in the case
of many parents these deaths were inadvertent.
But because the world is broken, the best of intentions can
end in sorrow and death. Even when the way seems right, it can end in death
(Proverbs 14:12).
Mephibosheth was five years old when his father and
grandfather were killed in battle. As an heir to the throne, he was potentially
in danger of being murdered by the ascending king, so his nurse picked him up
and fled. In her haste it sounds like she tripped and fell on the boy, causing
permanent damage to his ability to walk. She clearly wasn’t trying to injure
the boy, rather to help him, yet there were lifelong ramifications for this
accident (2 Samuel 4:4). The clearest line I can draw from her mistake to the
modern day is when a baby is left in a hot car.
My then-four-year-old was playing with his siblings with the
van parked in the back yard. A door was open and either he got in the van and
closed the door, or someone closed the door after him. He told me later he
didn’t know who closed the door, but he teared up as he told me he couldn’t
open the door on his own. It was only after he was so overheated and was
wailing that someone heard him and rescued him with no damage, though he was drenched
in sweat as he recounted the story. Had he not been rescued, it would have been
absolutely tragic but also a clear accident.
For those whose negligence leads to death and manslaughter,
the Bible sets up what are called “Cities of Refuge” for such people so that
they may be spared from death, be rescued from consequences, and live to be
restored (Numbers 35:25-32). We are tempted to require an eye for an eye, a tooth
for a tooth, and a life for a life when someone is injured. But Jesus expressly
tells us to return blessing for cursing (Matthew 5:38-42). We can’t fight death
with death, we must fight it with life; after all, didn’t Jesus himself come to
give life abundantly, and ensure that though “the wages of sin is death, the
free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 6:23, John 10:10)?
Beloved, the temptation is to be embittered against the
perpetrator and to hope God holds their sin or carelessness against them
forever. After all, they’re guilty and someone has to pay! For those who are
guilty, there is a Saviour from sin who did pay for their sin. For those who
were negligent there is a refuge. The response is the same, we are thankful
that God’s justice and mercy are perfect. We pray for those who have wronged
us. We implore them to be reconciled to God, to repent, to be restored, saved,
and redeemed. We pray that God would not hold their sin against them, we desperately
want God to use our tragedy for everyone’s good, and we want love and grace to
abound in the aftermath of such evil and death.
Or at least we should, many will grow embittered and will
face their own consequences.
The Soul that Sins
For young children who die, if we’re going to be faithful to
the Bible, we have to at least consider that there was a time when children
died for their own sins. That story is found in 2 Kings 2:23-24, where Elisha
the prophet has just watched as his master and mentor, Elijah, is taken up in a
chariot to heaven.
As he’s trekking home, at least forty-two little boys come
running out of a town to jeer at him, mock his appearance, and basically say,
“Get out of here!” by telling him to leave just as Elijah had left. We don’t
know how old these boys were (we’ll examine the age of accountability later),
and there is probably a good expectation that they ranged from small boys to early
teens, but in the face of their rebellion against God, Elisha cursed them and
immediately two bears appeared out of the woods and tore forty-two of them to
shreds.
Forty-two little suppers were not
eaten! Forty-two little beds were not slept in! Forty-two little funerals took
place next day!...God took notice of the "little children" at Bethel,
and punished them for their wickedness. Remember, I beg of you, that God has
not changed. He is still the same. He is every day taking notice of you. ~ J.
C. Ryle
Ryle emphasizes that there was a prophets school (we’d call
it a seminary) in Bethel, where the boys were from. They should have known
better. It’s tempting to blame their upbringing, their spiritual leaders, their
surroundings, but God says to Ezekiel in Ezekiel 18 when the people were
blaming their upbringing for their troubles, “The soul who sins shall die. The
son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for
the iniquity of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon
himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself” (Ezekiel
18:20). It’s important to notice in this passage that God is going after a
specific people who were blame shifting and making themselves victims. The main
point of the passage is that if we make ourselves victims, then we are cut off
from accepting responsibility for our own sins. Elsewhere, such as when David’s
baby dies or Mephibosheth is made lame, clearly it was someone else’s fault and
sin, so it is possible to suffer for someone else’s transgression.
But we can’t overemphasize that most of our pain, suffering,
and guilt come from within and we should encourage everyone to own and repent
of their own sin. It’s only by the grace of God that I can tell a few stories to
illustrate, where sin did not end in death but could have and the blame would
have been placed squarely on the child.
My then-three-year-old wanted to go sledding but the only
snow remaining was where the snow-plow had pushed it up on the edge of the
street. He snuck into the garage, got his sled, made his way through a
child-proof gate, and proceeded to sled in the street that had a 45-mph speed
limit. Fortunately, our neighbor (and probably his guardian angels) found him
quickly and delivered him safely to our front door.
Our then-seven-year-old got frustrated with her family on a
hike in the Grand Canyon and decided she was going back to the parking lot.
Gravity got ahold of her and she was descending into a remote part of the
Canyon known to have cliffs and mountain lions. If grandpa hadn’t found her, I
shudder to think what might have happened.
I learned my lesson teaching a friend’s eight-year-old how
to do some woodwork as we built a castle for a school project. He decided he
could run the miter saw without any training or permission. Fortunately, it
only threw the piece of wood he was cutting across the garage and he was
unharmed, though quite startled. I installed a safety switch so that couldn’t
happen again. Yet, years later our eleven-year-old lied to his mom that I had said
he could use the miter saw. Apparently, he had watched me and knew how the
safety switch worked but didn’t have a clue how the saw worked. Providentially,
the piece of wood broke the saw and jammed the blade so it stopped nearly
instantly.
Any of those incidents could have been the end of those kids,
and there would have been a direct sin on their part that led to it. I still
shudder and count myself blessed that none of those incidents ended with
serious injury or death.
By the grace of God, I haven’t officiated a funeral for a
child who died because of their own sin. But I do know of a funeral for a
sixteen-year-old high school student who died because he crashed his car while
driving drunk. The parents asked the pastor of a large local church to
officiate since they had attended many years in the past. They wanted the
pastor to speak of the boy’s having attended Vacation Bible School (VBS) and
other events and basically “preach him into heaven.” The pastor told the truth
about sin and the associated dangers, and used the boy’s sin and death to call
others to repentance and point them to the Saviour. You might expect backlash,
but God blessed that church abundantly for his steadfast stand for the truth.
Ecclesiastes tells us that it is better to go to a funeral
than a feast. If a child died because of sin, please redeem their sin by warning
others, but obviously do so with gentleness and respect and patience. Dying in
the midst of sin does not mean they were out of the grace of God, for where sin
increases, grace abounds all the more (Romans 5:20-6:1). In the case of an
older child who may have reached the age of accountability, consider that
several men who attempted suicide yet survived by jumping off of the Golden
Gate Bridge said that the second they jumped, they regretted it and had a whole
conversation with God in the ensuing seconds before they hit the water. We don’t
presume everyone gets a second chance after sin, but we don’t lose hope.
If you’re trying to determine an older child’s relationship
with God and suspect they died in sin, the chapters on the age of
accountability and how to get to heaven will help you work through it, but I
would really encourage you to find a godly counselor, pastor, or friend to
explore such a heavy topic. God is working in your life, even if people who you
love died and are lost forever, and he may yet use you for mighty purposes to
publish his peace and works to the world.
When No One Sins
Last, let’s consider if no one sins and tragedy still
strikes. While it’s human nature to assign blame, sometimes no one is at fault.
Let’s look at the blind man from John 9 again; Jesus was asked if it was the
man’s sins or his parents’ sins that led to him being born blind.
Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his
parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him” (John 9:3). As
we’ll see in Job’s story, sometimes the cause is God sovereignly working for
his glory and his purposes and no one is to blame.
Elsewhere, Jesus brought up the example of murdered
Galileans and the example of Judeans who were killed in a construction accident.
He asked rhetorical questions about whether they suffered because they were
worse sinners than others. Jesus doesn’t give a long answer, he simply says,
“No, I tell you, but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish” (Luke
13:1-5). So far as we can discern about those Galileans and Judeans is that
their death was not a specific punishment from God, but it was a specific
warning.
If we feel like we have to assign blame, many times we’ll be
thwarted when examining God’s purposes. More often than not the specific cause
of death is likely to fall into this category, that we can’t get any closer to
knowing the purpose other than the world is broken, God is still on his throne,
and God is working in hearts specifically and the world generally.
God uses calamity and evil for his purposes, and Ecclesiastes
7:1-2 talks about how it is better to go to a house of mourning than to the
house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay
it to heart. We cannot presume in every situation to know God’s plans, but
sometimes his purposes are obvious such as when someone comes to faith at a
funeral. My goal is to lead as many people to Christ as possible, and it would
bring me immense joy if someone came to faith at my funeral or through my
writings after I’ve gone on to glory.
John Calvin mentioned the power of this opportunity that our
misfortune may lead someone to repentance,
When misfortunes happen to any
persons, we ought to consider that God deals gently with us, in sparing us for
a time, to invite us to repentance. But if we abuse his forbearance, and do not
profit by the examples of others, we shall suffer a heavier punishment.
The weight of tragedy in the loss of a child is hard to
fathom or move past. Can their death be redeemed if someone comes to Christ?
Many of us would happily suffer a little bit for our neighbor. Dirty hands, a
couple of paper cuts, an afternoon spent…we’d gladly endure it or pay it. But
when God asks for our dearest treasures, it’s much harder to say yes or let go.
In our lament we may ask why it took the loss of our loved one to awaken
someone.
J. C. Ryle considers the cost, “One single soul saved shall
outlive and outweigh all the kingdoms of the world.” He may have gotten that
idea from Asahel Nettleton who said, “If I might be the means to saving one
soul, I should prefer it to all the riches and honor in the world.” It is a
hard place to be, but it calls us to trust God more deeply and always point
people to the Saviour who died so that they could live. If it costs me dearly
to proclaim that word, then I’ll gladly pay it for the sake of my Saviour and
the sake of those he died for.
The Spirit of God is carrying [the
Word] on when [the people sharing the Word] sleep and can do no business, or
when they rise to go about other business. The prophets do not live forever;
but the Word which they preached is doing its work, when they are in their
graves. ~ Matthew Henry
Unfortunately, we can’t guarantee that anyone will be saved at
a funeral. God may be doing so much more than saving people. He may be
strengthening the parents for a ministry focused on heaven. George Whitefield
preached as a dying man to dying men all the days of his life, partly motivated
by the fact that he had invested his future heavily on a son who lived only a
few months. He said that coming to understand God’s purposes “made me as
willing to go out to my son’s funeral, as to hear of his birth.” After the
funeral, Whitefield proved that he was a man who knew God, knew the power of
Christ’s death and resurrection, and knew that this world was not his home as
he looked forward to a day worshipping his Saviour face to face.
Much of Whitefield’s passion and usefulness can be traced to
a prayer immediately following the funeral, that he would be rendered, “more
sober-minded, more experienced in Satan’s devices, and consequently more useful
in his future labors to the church of God.” Hundreds of thousands–if not
millions–of people have come to Christ and will come to Christ because of the
ministry of George Whitefield. Beloved, if that is not God displaying his works
through the suffering of the Whitefield family, I don’t know what is.
I very much look forward to meeting little John Whitefield
in heaven, and to hear of all of the people’s lives that were transformed
because his father was burdened by his death, yet not driven to despair and did
not give up his hope of the resurrection of Christ.
Sometimes complications arise in the womb and the baby
cannot survive. Jackie Gibson, author of You Are Still a Mother: Hope for
Women Grieving a Stillbirth or Miscarriage, suffered a miscarriage and felt
the frantic flutter kicks as her baby was ushered out of this world into the
waiting arms of Christ. In her case, as in the case of so many others, I don’t
think anyone sinned, I believe that it was so the works of God might be
displayed in and through her. In Jackie’s case, she has encouraged me and
countless others with the beautiful term she coined, calling those flutters her
baby’s “goodbye kicks.”
I officiated a funeral for a baby who died of Sudden Infant
Death Syndrome (SIDS), also known as Crib-Death. As painful as it was for
everyone, I was blessed to watch as many in the audience heard the gospel for
the first time, looked to heaven for hope, and were brought nearer to God and
to each other.
I could never definitively say that the death of a child was
redeemed in how God interacted at the funeral and later; but that’s why I’m not
God, and his ways are higher than my ways and his thoughts are higher than my
thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). I do know that this is God’s will and that he wants
us to redeem it in our lives and the lives of others.
Jonathan Edwards preached twice on Isaiah 40:6-8, first for
a friend’s child who died, and later for his adult daughter who died. He titled
both sermons, “Youth is Like a Flower Cut Down,” and he made the point, “God is
pleased to cut down some to warn others.”
Very often we won’t know why a child has died or why a
catastrophe has occurred, but we do know that God is in control of all of the
details. If he told us exactly why he was doing things, then faith would not be
required. We trust him that he will display his works in us in his timing and
in his perfect will, and our call is to trust him with the details and the
power.
Whatever the Cause
When a death occurs, we are reminded and warned that all is
not as it should be in regards to life and death. As we experience such things,
we come to know the end of all mankind.
Standing on the edge of eternity pondering and missing our
dearly departed has a way of making this world grow strangely dim as we look at
the unending expanse of eternity. William Booth, one of the most focused and
motivated men who has ever lived, summarized his passion this way,
Would that God would make hell so
real to us that we cannot rest; heaven so real that we must have men there,
Christ so real that our supreme motive and aim shall be to make the Man of
Sorrows the Man of Joy by the conversion to him of many.
May your dearly departed motivate you to love deeper, take
God’s Word more seriously, and know Christ more fully. May their death be the
catalyst for leading many, including you, closer to the risen Saviour. May your
ties with this lost and dying world be severed as you seek the kingdom to come.
Whatever the cause, know that God is working all things for
good to those who love him and are called according to his purpose (Romans
8:28). The death of anyone, especially a child, is not good, but God is able to
use it for good to conform you to the image of Christ Jesus (Romans 8:29), and
remind others that,
Life is
short,
death is sure,
sin the cause,
Christ the cure.
If you think it would be beneficial to try to determine the spiritual
cause of death, then I would encourage you to have a conversation with a
trusted pastor, counselor, friend, or family member who loves Jesus and has a
high view of God’s Word. Even if the cause seems clear, having an outside view
of your situation is always advisable. Discussion is almost always helpful,
especially if the person you’re discussing with has your highest and best
usefulness in mind. Remember that the cause may be God’s working in your life
and the lives of many and there be no sin involved.
If the cause is sin, then there is need for repentance and
forgiveness. Always consider that God’s ways are higher than our ways. If anger
is due, leave all vengeance up to God. If forgiveness is due, give it freely
and without measure. Some would say that forgiveness has to be predicated by
repentance, and that forgiveness without repentance is only self-care; but
forgiveness is acting like Jesus. If someone should repent but won’t, then you
have an opportunity to trust God’s perfect justice which will be fulfilled in
hell forever or on a cross two thousand years ago. You holding onto anger against
them cannot help at all.
If you’re the cause, then know there is life and forgiveness
in Jesus Christ. He died for every sin (1 John 4:9) to save to the uttermost
those who draw near to him (Hebrews 7:25). While we were yet sinners, Christ
died for us (Romans 5:8). His love covers a multitude of sins and calls us to
love others (1 Peter 4:8).
Come,
ye sinners, poor and needy,
weak and wounded, sick and sore;
Jesus ready stands to save you,
full of pity, love, and power. ~ Joseph Hart
Whatever the cause, there is great temptation and danger in
blaming God, not trusting in his providence, and refusing to move forward. This
bitterness will only harm you and those around you and miss the fact that God
is entirely in control.
Whatever your need, come to him today.
I come
broken to mended,
I come wounded to be healed,
I come desperate to be rescued,
I come empty to be filled.
I come guilty to be pardoned
by the blood of Christ the Lamb,
and I’m welcomed with open arms,
praise God, just as I am. ~ Travis Cottrell
Even if we can answer the question perfectly on who sinned
and we’ve trusted Christ in the outcome, there is still a temptation to think
God is to blame, which is why we’ll look at Job’s story next, which pulls back
the curtain and shows us that sometimes we suffer even if we’ve done nothing
wrong.
[1]
Talmud Shabbat 55a, a sort of commentary of the Rabbis, is the closest
source for this idea.
[2]Please don’t take this as medical advice, but know that
the use of medication, alcohol, and drugs, as well as extreme fatigue,
significantly increase the risk of co-sleeping deaths.
[3]
It’s tempting to write so much more on this, but
to stay on topic I’ll only recommend here the book Married Sex: A Christian
Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life by Gary Thomas and Debra
Fileta as one remedy for this sin.
