Is divorce the savior from danger and unhappiness? Russell Moore and his followers think so.
Dr. Moore wrote an article in 2022 for Christianity Today titled
Divorcing an Abusive Spouse is Not a Sin: Not only is it morally justified,
it also aligns with Christ’s heart for the vulnerable. You might be wondering
why I’m writing a refutation in 2026…the answer is simple, I didn’t see the
article in 2022 and Christianity Today recently re-pushed it and it garnered
quite a bit of interaction on social media. 2026 was the first time I’d seen
the article, but I’ve heard the arguments from others for years and have
refuted them numerous times in the counseling room. Now that I have a target, I’m
publishing my refutation here in order to hopefully help someone draw near to Christ and hate the works of the evil one.
In his article (I debated linking to it, but I don’t want to
make it easy for anyone to sin, a brief internet search on the title will bring
it up), Moore starts out quite strong, pointing out that divorce is a “concession
to hardheartedness, not as God’s plan for marriage.” Lou Priolo, an excellent
marriage counselor now in glory, would say that the only prerequisite for
divorce is a hard heart. Unfortunately, Moore doesn’t spend any time on what
hardheartedness does to a person. He misses or ignores that hard heartedness
will blind eyes, dull hope, and chill love, ultimately cutting off relationships
not just with people (Zechariah 7:9-10), but with God (Proverbs 28:14). Divorce,
because of this hardheartedness, needs to be hated with the anger equivalent to
God’s hatred, understanding that God sees it as an act of violence and
faithlessness, God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). A hard heart leaves desolation
in its path (Zechariah 7:12-14). Russell Moore should hate divorce. Christians
hate divorce. If you love God, you have to hate this evil (Romans 12:9). We’ve
said for years, “Marriage is hard, divorce is hard. Choose your hard.” And “Marriage
is blessed by God, divorce is hated by God; do you want to be blessed or cursed?
Make your decision wisely.”
Bear with me as I take a brief detour to address abuse. If
you’re in a place of dangerous abuse, God is ready and willing to give you wisdom
generously and without criticizing (James 1:5). You might say, “I don’t need
wisdom, I need a divorce.” A divorce is a horrible savior; it makes all the
promises and will fulfill none of them. It seems right, but its end is death
(Proverbs 14:11-12, 16:24-25). Seek godly counsel. Pray and read your Bible. One of the shortest
and yet most powerful prayers says, “Lord, if there is no purpose in this, take
it away.” It’s based on Romans 8:28-29 and it recognizes that God has put you
where you, in the relationship you’re in, for a reason; for all of the things I
can be in your spouse’s life, I cannot be their spouse. I can’t pray for them
as God’s covenanted partner put in their life to seek their eternal wellbeing.
I can help, but I can’t be their helpmeet custom designed by God for them. Besides
praying and reading your Bible, seek a godly pastor, ask a wise counselor, find
a senior saint who has walked through decades of marriage fidelity or one who regrets
their divorce with every fiber of their being. God wants you to thrive in life,
love, and joy, and your faithfulness in this matter is his will for you to
rejoice in, his Spirit is working unless you quench him (1 Thessalonians 5:17-19).
Divorce, for all of the reasons we hate it, is a sure way to extinguish the Spirit’s
work in your life. The people who wound you with their spiritual advice are likely
the people who love you most, do not accumulate flatterers who will tell you
only what you want to hear (Proverbs 27:6). God’s call is an upward call, and
divorce is a downward regression that will only steal, kill, and destroy what
God wants for you.
One of my main contentions with Russell Moore is that he is
clearly drawing people who only like what he is saying about making divorce
easy. In researching for this article I found multiple “open letters” from
people lauding his efforts but upset that he is not going far enough to destroy
marriage or make it easier to sin. Multiple people tried to support Moore’s
article to the effect of, “You’re totally right, that’s why I left the church
and Christianity.” If actively helping people run from Jesus isn’t warning
enough, look at the depths of the depravity of Russell Moore’s heart from the article,
What God hath joined together, let
no man put asunder. Yes and amen. But sometimes Jesus also would have us
recognize that man should not force together what God has put asunder.
Moore pulls the classic false teacher trick of quoting the
Bible but using it to say exactly the opposite of what it means. He couldn’t be
any more like Satan in that sentence using scripture to tempt the hearer to sin
(confer Matthew 4:3-9). If someone says, “Jesus said…but”, you can know
immediately that they are a false teacher. Moore does not give an example of
when or where Jesus would have us recognize such an outlandish claim, he simply
uses his false authority to contradict Jesus’ very clear command. Leslie
Vernick, another popular marriage hater, definitively said, “God does not value
the sanctity of marriage more than the safety and sanity of the people in it.”
Despite her clearly acting the false prophet by speaking where God has not spoken, she ignores
verses like, “Why are we in danger every hour?” and “For your sake we are being
killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered” (1
Corinthians 15:30-31 and Romans 8:35). I’d like Russell Moore and Leslie
Vernick to go to Nigeria tomorrow and tell our Nigerian brothers and sisters that
God wants them to be safe. Christians won’t be hard to find, they’ve been gathering
for months at funerals for Christians killed by terrorists. God wants a lot of
things in your life, but he does not have any interest in your being safe. If
you are safe, or seek to make safety your life’s purpose, then chances are you
are in great danger of meeting God as a Saviour scorned. There are many things
worse than safety. Remember, even our own founders said things like, “Those who
would give up essential liberty to purpose a little temporary safety deserve
neither liberty nor safety.”
Russell Moore’s contention is that abuse is the same as
abandonment, and therefore warrants divorce. This idea is almost identical to
the original context of Jesus’ conversation with the Pharisees in Matthew 19:3,
when they ask, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” (emphasis
mine). There was a massive debate happening at that time between a rabbi
(teacher) named Hillel and a rabbi named Shammai. Shammai held to the sanctity
of marriage and defended it at all costs. Hillel on the other hand said that a
man could divorce his wife for any cause, including burning dinner, being
contentious, or outgrowing her youthful beauty. Jesus shows very clearly that Shammai
had rightly interpreted the texts, and that God has brought the couple together
and they are not to be separated (Matthew 19:4-6). In so doing, Jesus refutes
the Hillel argument of any cause. Yet Moore, always learning and always
unable to arrive at the truth, misses this historical context and adds his own any
cause: abuse.
Where Russell Moore is to be most condemned (may God have
mercy on his soul and may he be saved before he faces God after having stored
up wrath for so many years) is that he never defines abuse. Hillel would define
abuse as being a bad cook, or speaking to strangers in the street, or just
being mean. So do so many of Moore’s followers. I’ve personally counseled a
number of people who defined abuse as turning off credit cards in the wake of unwise
and unfettered spending, of working late without a phone call or text, or of
using the family’s only car to drive to work and leaving them at home. Two
other counselors have told me that they’ve counseled wives who felt that their
husband not cleaning up after themselves was abuse. And the most painful abuse
case comes from the imagination of the accuser; things like, “They’ve never hit
me, but I knew it was coming” or “I had a premonition” or “I can’t prove it,
but I know it’s true.” It’s impossible to repent of something you’ve only
committed in someone else’s imagination.
Abuse, aka any cause, is a very subjective term, even
if it were grounds for divorce. You only need to look at the comments of Moore’s
divorced followers to see that they have not sought the will of God in their
lives (I’m adding Bible verses afterwards to refute them):
Called names (When reviled, we
bless; when persecuted, we endure… ~ 1 Corinthians 4:12)
Required submission (Wives, submit
to your husbands, as to the Lord. ~ Ephesians 5:22)
Blamed for problems (This is a
gracious thing, when, mindful of God, on endures sorrows while suffering
unjustly. ~ 1 Peter 2:19)
Created a loveless marriage (For
one will scarcely die for a righteous person – though perhaps for a good person
one would dare even to die – but God shows his love for us in that while we
were still sinners, Christ died for us. ~ Romans 5:6-8, and In this is
love, not that we have loved God, but that he loved us… ~ 1 John 4:10)
Harsh words, anger, disrespect (Get
behind me, Satan! ~ Matthew 16:23, Jesus to a member of his bride the church)
Breaking of the marriage vows (If
we are faithless, he remains faithful… ~ 2 Timothy 2:13; your vows aren’t just
to your spouse, they are between you and God)
The idea that “abuse of any kind” was grounds for divorce
popped up repeatedly, yet every single poster ignored that Jesus was willingly crucified
by his bride to save his bride (Ephesians 5:25-26, Acts 2:36). Moore’s great
failing after rejecting everything Jesus said, was that he doesn’t define his
terms and allows his audience to define his terms.
Russell Moore is the modern-day Hillel, that any reason that
a person can be offended is grounds for divorce. According to Moore and his
followers, your happiness and preferences are God’s ultimate goal, and divorce
is your savior. This ultimately helps people become the victim in their story,
and it has been wisely stated that when you make someone a victim, you cut
them off from the gospel. Moore is not just wrong on divorce, he’s wrong on
salvation and eternity which are continually expressed in terms of a marriage
covenant (Ephesians 5:25, 2 Corinthians 11:2, Revelation 19:9, etc.), and this
will cost him and his hearers their souls. Paul warned Timothy, “Keep a close
watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you
will save both yourself and your hearers” (1 Timothy 4:16). In playing fast and
loose with the teaching, Moore is condemning both himself and his hearers,
substituting a very poor savior in place of the Saviour who submitted himself
to God’s will, suffered AND died, was abused, was demeaned, who hated the
shame, but endured it for God’s will and glory, and is seated even now at the
right hand of the Father, exalted having won a bride for his own possession
that he is actively sanctifying.
Moore’s next heinous failing is that he doesn’t consider
repentance or forgiveness not once in his article. If and when abuse happens,
for some reason Russell Moore has snipped “Above all, keep loving one another
earnestly, love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8) straight out of his
Bible (if he owns a Bible). There is no view to reconciliation anywhere in
Moore’s reasoning. He also doesn’t consider winning spouses (1 Corinthians
7:16) or serving them (1 Peter 3:1-2) or sacrificing for them (Ephesians 5:28-31).
He misses completely that the goal of marriage is to make both people holy, and
love and patience are meant to lead people to repentance (Romans 2:4, 1 Peter
3:1-2)!
All of the vitriol from the disciples of Moore was based on
offenses, never once considering, “Why not rather suffer wrong?” (1 Corinthians
6:7, or as Elizabeth Elliot said it, “Why not be wronged?”). For a crowd that
attacks those that disagree with them for judging, they have no issue judging
that their ex-spouses were unrepentant and would never change. They were sure
they had married utter antichrists with no hope of redemption or growth. And why
would they expect someone to be able to change? After all, Moore posits a false
gospel of comfort and safety, not a gospel that transforms the very people that
betrayed and crucified Jesus into his closest friends. Moore’s Christianity has
no room for the dead to live or the sinner to be saved, or Christ’s greatest
enemies to even become members of the body that is his bride. Jesus said that
if a person says “I repent,” you must forgive them (Luke 17:4, emphasis
mine, he did not say test their repentance to be sure it is genuine, he did
not say to set up your own requirements of repentance or sincerity, he did not
say to keep a record of wrongs). Instead, 1 Corinthians 13, all about love,
says that love believes and hopes all things. How would you fare if Jesus
forgot there was a 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible and treated you how you’ve
treated him, or if he kept a record of your abuses against him?
The cure for Moore’s horrendous heresy is as simple as, “As
you wish that others would do to you, do so to them” (Luke 6:31). A spouse that
runs to preserve their life will lose their life. The bitterness, poverty, and
family impact speaks for itself. A spouse who stays and battles in prayer and
love and hope is a spouse that will gain their life (Luke 17:33). Stand for
Jesus in the ways that he fought for his bride: you’re never more like Jesus than
when you’re loving and forgiving an unlovable spouse. Who knows if God won’t
save them? And truly there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who
repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance. Regardless
if God saves them or not, your suffering is never in vain (1 Corinthians
15:58), and is nothing in comparison to the glory that is to be revealed in and
to us (Romans 8:18) when Christ returns or calls us home.
In conclusion, I’m not sure why I’m still so shocked when
Russell Moore shows that he has been taken captive by the devil to do his will,
but his blatant disregard of clear biblical commands continues to break my
heart, and seeing so many men and women who have been made twice the sons and
daughters of hell as himself continues to crush and burden me. Years ago,
before he showed his true allegiance, Russell Moore spoke on Christian military
members being embedded missionaries in a closed country, and my heart was knit
to his for the wisdom of that statement and sermon. Perhaps that is why his
apostasy has crushed my spirit so completely; he is my Demas (2 Timothy 4:10).
Russell Moore has shown here and repeatedly that he hates
God and so it is no surprise that he hates God’s covenant of marriage. In making
divorce easy, Moore is leading many on the broad road to destruction,
encouraging them to take lightly the vows they made to each other and in the
name of God. In teaching people to run for minor offenses and to withhold
forgiveness, he is cutting them off from forgiveness. Russell Moore doesn’t
just hate God and marriage, he hates you and wants you to be cut off from life
and hope and peace and Jesus. He’s not saying that, but his constant attack on
God’s Word while teaching you to doubt and rebel proves that there is no love
in his heart for anyone.
If the greatest danger to your soul is pain and discomfort,
then divorce is a viable savior. But if your greatest need is to know God, be
conformed to Jesus Christ, and to love your neighbors, then we learn to hate
divorce. In teaching to hear the Words of Christ and to do exactly the
opposite, Moore is encouraging people to build their lives and eternities on a
foundation that will collapse, and great will be their fall. In teaching them
that marriage can be broken for a burned dinner, an unkind word, or any other
cause (regardless of how dangerous it is), he is denying the faithfulness of
Jesus Christ. It is all a massive and disastrous false gospel yet many are
following it to their destruction. We’ve called it Christianity Astray
for so many years and they’re going from bad to worse. Pray with me that God
will grant Moore and his followers repentance leading to the knowledge of the
truth.
Beloved, don’t take my word for it, study God’s Word and
consider how Jesus loves his bride, and how his covenant and promises will
never fail. What therefore God has joined together, let not Hillel or Moore or
you or any other person separate. Soften your heart, look to Jesus, the perfect
bridegroom, and imitate him in how he loves his wayward and abusive beloved,
his is a gospel of peace in the midst of the storm, and he is the bridegroom able to deck you in garments of salvation (Isaiah 61:10), he is your only hope for life
and peace and an eternity with God.
Dr. Moore, if you’re reading this, you’re in my prayers, and
I implore you, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, be reconciled to God.
