Rachel's Weeping - Hope in the Loss of a Baby

 This is a chapter from an upcoming book, Hope in the Loss of a Baby: A Deeper Dive into what the Bible says about Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death.

Rachel's Weeping

If sadness was a sin,
Jesus never would’ve cried.
But that’s exactly what He did,
When his good friend Lazarus died.
And He knew that He could raise him up
Still the Lord was sad enough to grieve.
If you’ve ever been so overwhelmed that
you can barely breathe,
my friend, you’re in good company. ~ Ross King

Ask any theologian or pastor what Jeremiah chapter 31 is about, and the instant and correct answer is “The New Covenant!” It’s a wonderful section of scripture and is quoted in Hebrews 8 to reassure us that this better covenant saves based not on our efforts but on Christ’s efforts. Our hope is predicated not on our faithfulness to God but on God’s faithfulness to his promises.

Another title for the section spanning from Jeremiah chapter 30 to 34 is “The Book of Comfort,” or “The Book of Consolation.” While the majority of Jeremiah’s prophecies focus on destruction, exile, and violence, these four chapters are full of hope and an expectation of restoration. These aren’t the chapters you would look to if you needed a prooftext for weeping or sadness.

It’s strange then—based on that context—that we pick up here to read one of the saddest verses in all the Bible,

A voice is heard in Ramah,
    lamentation and bitter weeping.
Rachel is weeping for her children;
    she refuses to be comforted for her children,
    because they are no more. ~ Jeremiah 31:15

Weeping is not foreign to the Bible. Jesus wept (John 11:35). Jeremiah is the weeping prophet. Weeping is heard in Ramah. There is an entire book called Lamentations. Hannah wept when she could not have a child (1 Samuel 1:8). When a twelve-year-old girl got sick and died during Jesus’ day, there was great weeping and wailing outside of her house (Mark 5:38). David described his tears this way,

I am weary with my moaning;
    every night I flood my bed with tears;
I drench my couch with my weeping. ~ Psalm 6:6

All of this weeping recognizes that there is something horribly wrong in the world. If you’re reading this book, chances are that you know full well that the world is a broken place. Our tears are a valid and wonderful way to express to God our longing for his consolation of history.

If I can bring Him nothing but my tears, He will put them into His bottle, for He once wept; if I can bring Him nothing but my groans and sighs, He will accept these as an acceptable sacrifice, for He once was also a man of sorrows. ~ Charles Spurgeon

The promise of mourning is that it will lead to comfort (Matthew 5:4). Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning. But sometimes, there is bitter weeping in the night, and consolation seems impossible, and we refuse to be comforted. Is such deep and inconsolable sorrow a sin? Let’s look at Rachel and find out.

Who Was Rachel?

To understand the context, we need an introduction to Rachel, one of the wives of Jacob. This vignette on Rachel will be brief because despite it being her weeping, we’ll see that Jeremiah was speaking of a different event than her life.

Rachel, her sister Leah, and their husband Jacob had an awkward and complicated relationship, which was exacerbated by Rachel’s initial inability to have children. God did eventually open her womb and she had two sons and she died in childbirth (Genesis 30:23-24, 35:16-20). Her firstborn son was Joseph. As she lay dying she named her second son Benoni, the son of sorrow, but Jacob renamed him Benjamin, the son of promise. While this book is about the loss of babies, I would be remiss if I didn’t take a moment to mention that two women are recorded in the Bible as dying in childbirth, Rachel and Phinehas’ wife. When Phinehas’ wife was dying she named her son Ichabod, which means “The Glory has Departed” (1 Samuel 4:19-22). Both women saw their death in childbirth as ominous and hopeless, as evidenced by the naming of their sons. But God brings life out of death, and his glory still indwells the sons of men, and God is still fulfilling his promises through his Son.

The Bible doesn’t tell us exactly where Rachel was buried, but we know it was somewhere between Bethel and Bethlehem (Genesis 35:19-20). It seems to be close to Ramah, because it could be easily visited by Samuel who lived in Ramah (confer 1 Samuel 7:17, 1 Samuel 10:2). This fits with the idea that the voice of lamentation and bitter weeping is heard in Ramah. Charles Simeon postulates that the volume of her weeping reached not just from the grave, but could be heard miles away in Ramah.

Notice that the book of Genesis does not record Rachel weeping for Joseph or Benjamin, though Joseph would be sold into slavery in Egypt much later (Genesis 37:28), and Benjamin would dwell in Egypt after a famine drove the family out of the promised land (Genesis 43:1-15).

Rachel’s sons, and Leah’s sons, would go into Egypt and the danger to them was not that they would die in childhood—because they all survived to adulthood—the danger was that they would be no more because they would be assimilated into Egyptian society. Voddie Baucham said, “The danger for Joseph was not that he would die in prison. The danger for Joseph was that he would become an Egyptian.” If Rachel were weeping from the grave for her physical sons, it was for the very real possibility that they would walk away from the true and living God for the comfort and convenience of Egypt.

Pharaoh gives Joseph an Egyptian name…and he gives him Asenath, the daughter of Potipherah, priest of On. On was the center of the worship of the sun god, Ra. This is one of the two most powerful pagan priesthoods in all of Egypt. Joseph is married into the high-ranking, pagan, elite aristocracy of Egypt.

Now, he’s having children. Think about the temptation here. He has a pagan wife, he has the prestige, he has the wealth, and now he has a family. Everything in his life is screaming at him to just forget Canaan, forget his father’s house, drop his identity, and just become an Egyptian. It would have been so easy for him to look at his Egyptian wife and his position and say, ‘This is the payoff. I’ve made it.’ ~ Voddie Baucham

Exile was a powerful way to wipe out an enemy, even more efficient than warfare or genocide. There was a real chance that the sons of Rachel would become no more in Egypt. The fact that the line of Abraham did not end right there is a testament to God’s preserving power. Later, the exile into Assyria would end the Northern Kingdom when they were assimilated and were lost except to God (1 Chronicles 5:26, Jeremiah 31:31).

Jacob, who believed Joseph had perished, speaks what Rachel would have said had she been alive, “You have bereaved me of my children: Joseph is no more…and now you would take Benjamin. All this has come against me” (Genesis 42:36), and “as for me, if I am bereaved of my children, I am bereaved” (Genesis 43:14).

Why Was She Weeping?

Rachel’s weeping spans three major events in the Bible. The first, as we’ve just looked at, was the precarious exile of Joseph and Benjamin in Egypt.

In this context she would be weeping for spiritual reasons. While her sons were in real physical danger, the danger to their souls was far greater. It has been well pointed out that part of Eve’s curse in the pain of childbirth (Genesis 3:16) was not just physical pain, but the enduring pain of watching children rebel against God and stray as sheep without a shepherd. While this is not the intent of this book, to process Rachel’s weeping we must note that the most important part of raising children is not bringing them into the world; it’s bringing them to God.

To this Jesus said, “What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?” (Matthew 16:26). If you find yourself in this circumstance, remember, “They can run from you, they can run from their upbringing, they can run from the church, they can even run from God, but they can never run from your prayers.” God preserved Joseph and Benjamin in Egypt and they became a great nation. Joseph would say about the evil that befell him,

As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people would be kept alive, as they are today. So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones. ~ Genesis 50:20-21

The second event was the immediate context of Jeremiah 31. Here the Babylonian exile was in full effect and Judeans were being taken away into exile all over the Middle and Far East. Ramah, just a few miles north of Jerusalem, was the staging point for this journey. As they marched hundreds of miles away from the land of Israel, they practically ceased to exist as far as the land was concerned. The probability of them being lost like the Northern Kingdom was immense.

In this case the weeping was for spiritual and physical reasons. Not only was Judah in real danger of being assimilated into Babylon, the land of Israel was also deprived of its strongest, wisest, and most capable men (Isaiah 3:1-3). Lined up in Ramah was everyone from farmers to tradesmen to prophets to nobles to princes (Jeremiah 27:20, 40:1). It is very likely their mothers wept as their sons marched out of Ramah as good as dead.

The third occurrence of Rachel’s weeping is when Herod finds out he has been deceived by the wise men from the east and orders the slaughter of all of the children in Bethlehem two years old and younger in an effort to snuff out the infant king of the Jews (Jews is shorthand for Judeans). Matthew quotes Jeremiah 31:15 here to emphasize the gravity of the event (see Matthew 2:17-18). We’ll spend more time looking at this later when we understand how much hope Matthew was intending to convey.

This weeping was mostly confined to physical lamentation. The loss of probably fifty infants just in Bethlehem would have been shockingly grievous. To this Spurgeon would say,

Rachel is weeping, and she will not be comforted. You may try to hush her bitter cry, but you cannot; for her children are not. She looks into the empty cradle, she looks around the desolate hearth, and her soul refuses all consolation…

Weep With Those Who Weep

Two prominent places tell us not to weep or be grieved (Nehemiah 8:9-11 and Jeremiah 31:16 which we’ll examine in a moment). But many more tell us to “weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). It could seem that weeping and mourning would be an affront to God for all of his goodness. Shouldn’t we, like Job, buck up, worship God, and declare, “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:20-21)? Later Job would declare, “My face is flushed with weeping, and on my eyelids is the shadow of death” (Job 16:16).

And later Job, in defending his righteous actions, asked, “Did not I weep for him whose day was hard? Was not my soul grieved for the needy?” (Job 30:25). Our temptation is to instantly fix everything, meet their needs and correct their wrong. If we can, we should. One of my favorite questions when someone is having a hard day is, “What would make it better?” I’ve seen it bring beauty out of ashes more than a few times when reminded “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness” (James 1:2-3). But in Rachel’s case, or Job’s case, there was nothing to fix, and they were inconsolable.

Anna Spafford was aboard the ship, Ville du Havre, when it sank in twelve minutes and took her four precious daughters with it. She sent her husband a telegraph that should rend our hearts in twain,

Saved Alone. What shall I do?

Horatio Spafford, her husband, rushed to be with her. While waiting for him she recalled that she had prayed not to be just be a fair-weather friend to God and she said, “God gave me four daughters. Now they have been taken from me. Someday I will understand why.” She would later say that in that moment she resolved to cling closer to her faith.

When we weep with those who weep we acknowledge their pain and suffering. The word “compassion” means to “suffer with.” It is to this effect that Paul tells the church to love one another, for “If one member suffers, all suffer together…” (1 Corinthians 12:26). To pretend that suffering doesn’t exist or that the bereaved is overreacting is a cruel response indeed, and Proverbs 25:20 describes them this way, “Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda.”

It may be apocryphal, but Charles Darwin is reported as having walked up to the doors of the church after his ten-year-old daughter Annie died. Upon hearing happy hymns, he turned away never to return. While it may not be true, imagine how his eternity would be different if someone had gone and sat with him and cried with him instead of walking into a church that (possibly) did not seem to acknowledge the suffering that plagues the world. What certainly is true is when tragedy strikes next, you have the opportunity to weep with those who weep and share sad songs with those who have a heavy heart. Or—heaven forbid—if tragedy strikes you, may you have the courage to ask someone to sit and cry with you.

A song that has touched many grieving parents goes like this,

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away.

When my world is shaking,
heaven stands
When my heart is breaking,
I never leave your hands. ~ J. J. Heller

In the military some of the deepest bonding happens during the most intense suffering. Get a group of military members together and they won’t tell stories of exotic locations; they’ll recount fixing fighter jets in the snow, being pinned down under enemy fire, or rucking miles across endless deserts or jungles. Their bonds were forged in shared suffering.

The bonds of Christianity are forged in the fire of adversity as well, as Peter says, “know that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world” (1 Peter 5:9), Paul invites, “share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God” (2 Timothy 1:8), and look at the Apostles’ response after the Pharisees, “beat them and charged them not to speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go. Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name” (Acts 5:40-41).

When we suffer with, when we put on compassionate hearts, we are transformed into the image of Jesus Christ who suffered for us. “Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows” (Isaiah 53:4)! He learned obedience through what he suffered (Hebrews 5:8), he surely knows that sorrow is not a sin and he understands what you are feeling (Hebrews 4:14-16). Instead of commanding you to stop weeping, he invites you to lay your burdens on him (Matthew 11:28).

God does not rebuke the natural sorrow, but He gives it an immortal cure. He tells the weeping mother that her tears are noticed, her travail remembered, and that her children are safe in a better land. ~ Charles Spurgeon

J. M. Barrie wrote Peter Pan from the perspective of boys who died, or as he said euphemistically, “fell out of the pram (stroller).” His thirteen-year-old brother’s death broke their mother’s heart and she was sure he would never grow up. In a haunting scene one of the Lost Boys tells Wendy, “I think I had a mother once.” Their bonding over the memory and joy of mothers brings hope into the story. While Barrie does not say so outright, there certainly is an expectation of the consolation of history in the growing up of the Lost Boys.

Weeping reminds us that the world is not as it should be. We know that no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him (1 Corinthians 2:9), but we are not living there yet. We know the brokenness, the sorrow, the pain, and the suffering wrought by sin. We understand why Rachel is weeping and why she is inconsolable. We want to believe like Habakkuk, but the pain is too much.

Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
God, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer’s;
he makes me tread on my high places. ~ Habakkuk 3:17-19

We are caught between the joy of knowing God is in all the details and the pain that the details seem impossible and endless.

We live in a time saturated by Christianity and we know that we do “not grieve as others do who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13). We are able to sing wonderful songs that say

It is not death to die,
to leave this weary road,
and join the saints who dwell on high,
who’ve found their home with God.
It is not death to close,
the eyes long dimmed by tears,
and wake in joy before Your throne,
delivered from our fears. ~ Sovereign Grace Music

But we feel the hurt and death seems so final and so insurmountable. We believe in the resurrection, but we understand that inconsolability is a place we could live forever.

And worse, because we live in light of the resurrection, we forget that death is a bottomless pit for those without hope. Children carried off into exile, parents torn from their children, and children murdered in the streets are all horrible circumstances that are hopeless without a loving and sovereign God. Our culture has healed the wound lightly by declaring that nonviable babies are not yet people. They have hidden the pain by refusing to talk about it. They have satiated the appetite of the grave by focusing on the appetite of the flesh. They have dulled the sinfulness of sin by declaring that time heals all wounds and that it gets better.

It is the easiest thing in the world to give a man peace when he has no right to it. You may sing him a lullaby, and send him to sleep on the edge of the pit of hell; but what will he say to you when he wakes up in torments? To heal the hurt of the daughter of God’s people slightly is the work of a traitor to Christ. ~ Charles Spurgeon

The reality is that death brings grief and suffering. “Rivers of waters run down mine eyes, because they keep not thy law,” saith the Psalmist in the King James Version (Psalm 119:136).

Rachel refused to be comforted, and for good reason. Death and destruction throughout history has been horrendous and we do ourselves and our hearers a disservice when we fail to understand the gravity and pain of death. If death is just an inconvenience and destruction is just something that happens to other people, then we have nothing to fear or be saved from. But when it comes close to our house and we taste the bitterness of death, we learn what it means to pour out lamentations and weeping as we refuse to be comforted.

Rachel’s weeping, which originally seemed out of context to the comfort that God was offering, suddenly becomes purposefully placed as God dries her tears and restores her soul.

Le Massacre des Innocents - Leon Cogniet - 1824

The Consolation of Israel

Rachel’s weeping is mentioned two years after Christ was born when King Herod orchestrated what has come to be known as “the slaughter of the innocents.” Matthew quotes Jeremiah 31:15 “Then was fulfilled what was spoken by the prophet Jeremiah” (Matthew 2:17), but he deliberately does not quote verse 16 (Compare Matthew 2:17-18). While there is various debate on why he didn’t quote the entire passage, I believe strongly that he was masterfully making two points.

The first reason is that the infanticide of Herod is shockingly evil and just one more opportunity for the mothers of Israel to mourn for youth cut down far too young. Jesus has not stepped into history during a safe or convenient time. Sin and death are reigning as fully as ever. Satan still hates babies and will stop at nothing to bruise the heel of the promised seed of Eve. The thief is hard at work stealing, killing, and destroying. Weeping is tarrying long into the night, comfort seems impossible, and the Hero of History is needed more than ever.

The second reason is much more hopeful. Matthew—writing to prove that Jesus is the King of the Jews—expects his audience to know the context of Rachel’s weeping. Matthew knows that the original readers were looking forward to a day when the Messiah would restore the land of Israel and raise her children from the dead, and he knows that every reader in his day would be looking for the same hope.

Thus says the Lord: “Keep your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears, for there is a reward for your work, declares the Lord, and they shall come back from the land of the enemy. There is hope for your future, declares the Lord, and your children shall come back to their own country. ~ Jeremiah 31:16-17

Simeon, a prophet in Jerusalem, had been promised that he would not die until he saw the Lord’s Christ, the consolation of Israel (Luke 2:25-26). The prophetess Anna, a daughter of the lost tribe of Asher, spent all her nights and days in fasting and prayer and looking for the redemption of Jerusalem (Luke 2:36-37). They, along with every faithful Jew, knew that their hope could only be fulfilled in God’s Messiah coming to rescue them. They would have understood why Jeremiah would put Rachel’s weeping in the middle of otherwise wonderful words of hope, because God had promised their reconciliation.

There is hope in the end, that though they are cut off in the bud, their sorrow shall turn to joy. ~ Matthew Henry

Rachel’s weeping, mentioned in Jeremiah’s “Book of Consolation” was not a promise of infinite sadness, but of unimaginable redemption. Joseph and Benjamin went off to Egypt and would have vanished without God’s intervention, but instead Moses would say to their children, “Your fathers went down to Egypt seventy persons, and now the Lord your God has made you as numerous as the stars of heaven” (Deuteronomy 10:22). The Judeans went into exile in Babylon as idol worshippers and yet returned faithful to their God’s promise,

When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. ~ Jeremiah 29:10-11

When the little ones of Bethlehem were so cruelly murdered, Matthew doesn’t mention Rachel’s weeping as just a hopeless statement of fact, rather as the coming hope of Israel, the very King that Herod was trying to assassinate!

But hark! A voice breaks through the wailing from the eternal throne: ‘Refrain thy voice from weeping, and thine eyes from tears: for their work shall be rewarded, saith the Lord.’ ~ Charles Spurgeon

Matthew frames Rachel’s weeping as a sign of the dawn of hope, of the birth of the redeemer of Israel, of a promise of resurrection. Death is about to be swallowed up in victory! Rachel and her daughters, who have waited so long to recite Isaiah 25:8, are about to sing in victory,

He will swallow up death forever; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces, and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth, for the Lord has spoken. It will be said on that day, “Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us. This is the Lord; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.”

And declare from Hosea 13:14,

O Death, where are your plagues?
O Sheol, where is your sting?

Rachel’s weeping, which was inconsolable, found consolation in the Lord’s Messiah. Her little ones, who were no more, have been restored through the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Jesus had compassion on the widow of Nain as she was accompanying her deceased son to his final resting place. He said to her, “Do not weep” (Luke 7:13, compare Jeremiah 31:16!). Then he raised the young man from the dead and gave him back to his mother. Here and in many other places we see the prophecy fulfilled from Jeremiah 31:16-17.

All of the efforts of the world and the evil one to eradicate these precious babies failed to keep them from the joys of the Lord. Despite their short time on earth, their God had not forsaken them.

Yet God, who seemed to have forsaken them, in the midst of that extreme misery opened the door of redemption. ~ John Calvin

Weeping for God’s Own Son

To be faithful to the text and behold the glory of Christ we must see the continued weeping. When Jesus was nearing the cross—his scourging complete—a great multitude of women were following mourning and lamenting for him. He knew the intense suffering that was set before him. He knew he was about to drink to the dregs the wrath of God. Yet in this time of intense suffering, he did something we can’t ignore,

Turning to them Jesus said, “Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me, but weep for yourselves and for your children. For behold, the days are coming when they will say, ‘Blessed are the barren and the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed!’ Then they will begin to say to the mountains, ‘Fall on us,’ and to the hills, ‘Cover us!’ For if they do these things when the wood is green, what will happen when it is dry?” ~ Luke 23:28-31

God had expressly told Rachel to hold back from weeping. Jesus had told it to the widow of Nain. Matthew had said the prophecy was fulfilled. So why here does Jesus tell them to weep? Matthew Henry answers succinctly, “Let us weep for our own sins, the sins of our children, which caused His death; and weep for fear of the miseries we shall bring upon ourselves, if we slight His love, and reject His grace.”

Christ went willingly to the cross. He needs no pity. No one took his life from him; he laid it down of his own accord (John 10:18). He knew that captives needed to be set free, he knew that God’s wrath must be satisfied, and he knew that there was no other way for us to be saved. So it is not for him that we weep, but for our sins that made his death necessary.

Behold the man upon the cross,
my sin upon his shoulders,
ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
call out among the scoffers. ~ Stuart Townend

And,

Thus might I hide my blushing face,
while His dear cross appears.
Dissolve my heart in thankfulness,
and melt mine eyes to tears. ~ Isaac Watts

We weep for our sins that bereaved the Father of his only begotten Son. We are disgusted by the hatred of men towards God. We tremble that God’s hatred of sin caused him to crush his own Son.

In a glorious twist, we see here the daughters of Rachel weeping over Jesus who seems to be going the way of all mankind, taken by that great enemy death, never to be seen again. But, three days later he would come back from the land of the enemy. He would take his life back up again, and all who love him will come back to his country with him.

He ascended on high, leading a host of captives in his train (Psalm 68:18, Ephesians 4:8). Amongst that host of captives were all who died in Egypt, in Babylon, and the little ones who died in Herod’s slaughter of the innocents. Jesus always lives to make intercession for those who draw near to him (Hebrews 7:25), and beloved if you’ve trusted him, you’ll be brought back from the land of the enemy as well.

But unfortunately we see in Jesus’ speaking to the women that some will not seek his face or put their trust in him, and these will be the ones who later “hide themselves in the caves and among the rocks of the mountains, calling to the mountains and rocks, ‘Fall on us and hide us from the face of him who is seated on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb, for the great day of their wrath has come, and who can stand?’” (Revelation 6:15-17).

If we won’t weep over our sins and call upon the Lamb now to save us, then weeping and gnashing of teeth will tarry forever.

So beloved, weep for a moment, weep for a night, but know that joy has dawned, and his favor comes in the morning.

Our little ones who have departed are not lost forever. They are held safe in the arms of God. The land of the enemy may have snatched them away, but Christ knows who are his and they shall come back to a better country (Hebrews 11:16).

Until we join them, we may still weep, but we do not weep without hope. Or we can keep our voices from weeping and our eyes from tears. Either or both is appropriate so long as we’re looking to Jesus who is making all things new. We know that as we mourn, he understands, and hears from heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. ~ Matthew 5:4

There’s a Hole in the Forgiveness Bucket

The truest definition of poverty is the inability to fix relationships. Lesser poverty is the inability to fix things. Consider a broken vehicle, if you have the funds you can have it fixed or replaced, if you don’t, it remains broken and probably gets more and more broken.

For things, money is a great tool for restoration. A lack of money means things don’t get fixed. A lack of spiritual capital means relationships don’t get fixed and it’s much worse because they’ll get more and more broken.

We can have all of the resources in the world and refuse to use them. This is being materially rich but spiritually poor. That old song, “There’s a hole in the bucket” captures this idea perfectly. The song is framed as a conversation and starts out with a declaration that something is broken. The response is simple, “Fix it.” The excuse is, “How do I fix it?” The response is, “Use the resources you have.” To which we hear, “The resources aren’t right.” – “Then make them right.” – “How?” – “With the tools provided.” One of the tools needs to be sharpened, and the sharpener requires water. “How am I supposed to get water?” – “Use the bucket.” And there is a long triumphant pause before,

“There’s a hole in the bucket!”

The original song is longer and more drawn out; it’s purposefully exhausting. The problem is not with the bucket, the problem is with the lack of desire to do meaningful work. In the song and in God’s economy the problem is not the tools. We have great tools: forgiveness, love, long-suffering, repentance, bearing with one another, conversation, prayer, the church…they are all functional tools, and while they could use some sharpening in most of our lives, they’re valid and functional.

When the relationship is irrevocably broken, love, peace, joy, and forgiveness are the tools we have…but if the other party has not repented enough, or they have not asked for forgiveness, or they’ve shown their true colors, or they’re too difficult to fix, then the tools are supposedly insufficient. There’s a hole in the bucket!

God, what do you want me to do? His response is clear, “Love one another, be a one another Christian, forgive as I’ve forgiven you,” or in other words, “Fix the relationship.” We respond, “The tools you’ve given me are insufficient and some are just outright broken.” There’s a hole in the bucket!

Jesus went to a man at the pool of Bethesda who had been lame for thirty-eight years. Jesus asked him bluntly, “Do you want to be healed?” It’s the closest Jesus ever got to making an accusation against someone who was not actively sinning. The man responds that though there is supposedly a tool here that can heal him, he’s unable to use it. He might have said, “There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Jesus, dear, Jesus, a hole!” Jesus tells him–not asks him–commands him to take up his bed and walk, and he does. In the follow-on conversation Jesus doesn’t warn him to be careful not to be lame again, he tells him to “Sin no more…” Jesus did not approach this man as a victim of his circumstances, but as a man who had tools of redemption and refused to use them. See John 5:1-17 for the whole story. Are you that man?

Is there a hole in your bucket? Figure out how to fix it. Is your relationship with God broken again? Repent and believe the gospel that he uses to restore and confirm and strengthen and establish! Are your relationships broken? Put love and forgiveness to work in fixing them. Are they too dull to do any good? Hone them through the reading and application of God’s word.

You’re as poor as your most broken relationship. Don’t pretend that God has not made you rich in Christ Jesus with the ability to fix relationships. Get to work. That hole in your bucket is not as big as you pretend it is, and Jesus says to you,

“See, you are well! Go and sin no more, that nothing worse may happen to you.”

The Age of Accountability - Hope in the Loss of a Baby

This is a chapter from an upcoming book, Hope in the Loss of a Baby: A Deeper Dive into what the Bible says about Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death.

The Age of Accountability

How soon in life a child becomes responsible and accountable, is a difficult question to solve. Perhaps far sooner than many of us suppose. One thing, at all events, is clear–it is never too soon to strive and pray for the salvation of the souls of children–never too soon to speak to them as moral beings, and tell them of God, Christ, right and wrong. ~ J. C. Ryle

At what point does childlike faith fade and at what point does a new faith need to be acquired? This is a question that has been asked throughout the ages and one that is hard, but not impossible, to answer. While we cannot place an exact number on the age of accountability, we can get closer to determining a “level of accountability.” This level of spiritual maturity is generally more helpful, as an age would lead to a number of problems.

Problems with a Fixed Age of Accountability

If we’re talking about an exact age, then we would lose the importance of faith for a time. Imagine if we were given the exact date of Christ’s return, such as if we knew Jesus were returning two-hundred-fifty years from today, then where would our eager anticipation of his consummation go? There would be no need to hasten his return today and we could become lazy in our waiting (consider 2 Peter 3:11-12).

Then we could lose a sense of urgency with our younger children. One of my greatest joys was sitting on the floor with my then-six-year-old daughter one afternoon after VBS as she asked about why someone should be baptized and if she could be baptized. If there were a set age of accountability that was, say, two or three times her age, I would have been tempted to be complacent while thinking that we could just wait until she was older. Instead, we had a wonderful conversation and I baptized her four years later after I believe she was genuinely saved.

A mentor and dear friend–who has been serving Jesus for over six decades–came to Christ at five years old. He believes he was saved when he realized, “Jesus died for me, I’d better live for him.” If we thought five were too young to come to Christ, then we might quench that desire to seek the Lord by telling children they still had years to figure it out.

Another problem is that some children never grow in their cognitive and reasoning abilities to consciously receive or reject Jesus. Let’s take an example of a cognitively impaired forty-year-old who looks like an adult but thinks like a little child. He loves everyone and is full of joy, but he cannot have a lengthy conversation, he never learned to read, and he cannot express what it means to be born again or how to repent. What he does know about God he loves. If there were an “age of accountability” this person would be without hope, but if he has a childlike faith, having never passed that “level of accountability,” then we have great hope he will be saved by grace.

The last problem I see is that an age of accountability may provide a false safety net for children who have chosen to reject Jesus deliberately and early in their lives. Do you know any young children who seem to live in rebellion? I’ll use myself as an example, as my mother regularly reminded me that I was a “mean kid.” I don’t refute that one bit; regrettably in my younger years I did everything I could to prove “a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother” (Proverbs 10:1).

I haven’t found this to be a common occurrence, but I distinctly remember the moment when I first rebelled against God. As a child of five or six, I chose to steal a bag of marbles from our local store. It was inexpensive and could have easily been purchased, but I chose to steal it. The memory of that moment is as clear as if it happened this morning. Was that me deliberately declaring, “There is no God! And he doesn’t see!” (Psalm 14:1, 53:1, Psalm 94:7)? I believe so, and I believe after that moment the wrath of God began to abide upon me until I finally died to myself, repented of my sins, and trusted Christ at the age of twenty-four. Praise God for his patience and forbearance!

Augustine had a similar experience, though he was older than I. At the age of sixteen, along with his friends, he “carried off a huge load of pears.” They didn’t eat them, as they were not ripe and hence quite sour, so they gave them to the pigs. Augustine later lamented the action as possibly his greatest sin, as all other sins he felt he could in some way defend as temptation, mistakes, or perceived necessity, while that sin stemmed solely from rebellion and his love of rebellion,

I wanted to commit my theft, and I did it compelled by neither want nor poverty, but by a distaste of justice and a feast of iniquity…Behold my heart!...May my heart tell you what it sought there that I became freely and there was no cause of my evil except for evil. It was foul, and I loved it; I loved to be lost, I loved my rebellion…

Some fifteen years later Augustine was saved from his rioting and drunkenness, his sexual immorality and sensuality, and his quarrelling and jealously when he put on the Lord Jesus Christ (compare Romans 13:13-14, or as Augustine might say, “Take it up and read it!”).

For these reasons, many theologians reject the idea of an “age” of accountability, since the Bible speaks more clearly of a condition or level of accountability.

What is that age? That’s really not the question because we’re not talking an age of accountability–get this in your mind–we’re talking about a condition of accountability! Get the word ‘age’ out of this discussion. We’re talking about a condition of accountability, not an age. ~ John MacArthur

A Fixed Age of Accountability?

While I don’t believe in an actual age of accountability, that’s not to say that some people throughout history haven’t placed a fixed age on when a child becomes morally culpable.

The Council of Carthage (AD 418) would place the age of accountability at birth and require baptism to absolve infants of their guilt. It states clearly to expect no good thing for, “children who have left this life without baptism, without which they cannot enter the kingdom of heaven, that is, eternal life.” It’s important to note that almost all sects of Christianity have abandoned this belief.

Thomas Acquinas gives the earliest age after birth at which a child becomes responsible, that at seven they reach what he called the age of reason. At that point they must confess their sins and may receive communion. This is the official doctrine of the Roman Catholic Church’s Code of Canon Law.

The Mormon religion believes the age is eight, based on the writings of Joseph Smith. It should be noted that this supposedly stemmed from a confused angel about when or whether babies should be baptized. The same section also directly discourages children from repenting before the age of eight, as purportedly they have nothing to repent of until then.

The Jewish religion celebrates the transition between childhood and adulthood with a Bar Mitzvah for boys and a Bat Mitzvah for girls. These celebrations are generally held at age thirteen for boys and twelve for girls. The name of the ceremony is figuratively a coming-of-age event, but it literally means when they become a son or daughter of the law. Some Jewish fathers rejoice on this date because they feel they no longer must give an account for their children’s sin (consider Hebrews 13:17 for a refutation).

I’ve given you a lot of quotes, reasons, testimonies, and histories, but we’re here for the Bible, so let’s look at whether the scriptures give an age.

Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt and through the Red Sea and across the desert until they arrived on the borders of the promised land. After spying out the land faithlessness and cowardice struck all of the adults, save Joshua and Caleb. The people feared the inhabitants of the land, doubted God’s righteousness, hardened their hearts, and voted with their grumbling to reject God as their king and savior. For this reason, God swore to them that they would not enter his rest. And they all fell in the wilderness.

But God made provision for the children to enter in, speaking to our topic:

As for your little ones, who you said would become a prey, and your children, who today have no knowledge of good or evil, they shall go in there. And to them I will give it, and they shall possess it. ~ Deuteronomy 1:39

How old were these little ones? Not that little, actually; well not all of them, some were probably infants. Numbers 14:29 says that those who will fall are twenty years old and upward, implying that nineteen years old and younger would inherit the promised land.

The age of twenty is repeated several times across the Torah (the first five books of the Bible), including the cut-off for which children would enter the promised land (Numbers 14:29-31), when they must give the census tax (Exodus 30:13), when they were able to go to war (Numbers 1:2-3), and when they could help in the temple (1 Chronicles 23:24). Elsewhere, Zerubbabel the governor and Jeshua the high priest commissioned those twenty years old and upward to rebuild the temple (Ezra 3:8).

For the repetitive nature of twenty-years-old, it’s tempting to say that this is the age of accountability. Certainly, many more young people would be in heaven than we currently expect if the age were that high, and if the Bible allowed me to open the narrow gates a little wider I would. But, when we read all of the verses above, it becomes apparent that the age of twenty is more of a civic responsibility measure, such as the voting age when leadership roles can be assigned and when a person becomes morally responsible to the nation, than when a child will be held accountable by God.

It's easy to get our spiritual state mixed up with our civic responsibility. My wonderful oldest daughter thought that after her baptism she would be able to vote in church business meetings. I never have been able to get her to reveal why that was so important to her, but she was crushed when she learned the bylaws didn’t allow her to vote for another seven years, though she was saved at eleven and I baptized her shortly after her twelfth birthday. Her spiritual maturity was sufficient while her civic maturity was still in work.

The age of twenty definitely has some weight from the Bible. But we have to recognize that not everyone who was older than twenty was lost (Moses for example) and not everyone who was under twenty grew up to be godly (Achan for example).

Finally, we couldn’t be faithful to the Bible about an age of accountability without considering Elisha and the bears (2 Kings 2:23-24). We’ve previously looked at it from the stance that a child can commit a sin that leads to death, but a deeper look into their possible ages will benefit us.

The Hebrew word here for boy is “na’ar” which can be used to describe anyone from a baby all the way to Joseph and Absalom when they were well into adulthood (Genesis 41:12, 2 Samuel 18:32). If just the word “na’ar” were used then those that say this was a roving gang of twenty-something-year-old boys could be right, but they miss the fact that these boys are also described with the Hebrew word “qatan” which is a diminutive, making them small in stature and/or in age. When Ninevah repented, they did so from the greatest to the littlest. The word for littlest is translated as “least” (qatan, see Jonah 3:5) in the ESV and is the same word as described the little boys. Later in Jonah they are described as not knowing their right hand from their left (Jonah 4:11).

In the New Testament a twelve-year-old (Mark 5:42) is described as a “little” girl (Mark 5:23). Though using a Greek diminutive, there is a lot of similarity. While she’s not the point of this study, it is important that at twelve she could hear and obey the voice of God (Mark 5:41-42).

While these boys were little, they were old enough to scorn God through his prophet. Acting in a group, they had no restraint and no conscience, and they faced a terrible consequence. There is an important point here that we can’t miss: when we surround ourselves with wicked people, we’re likely to do wicked things we never dreamed of when walking with the righteous, or even walking alone (Proverbs 1:10-19, 1 Corinthians 15:33).

A group of people whose express goal is not to encourage each other to godliness may prove to be the very gates of hell. An ungodly group of children may be the clearest extrabiblical argument against an age of accountability. A group of children encouraging each other to sin has a way of showing the wickedness of the human heart earlier than we could imagine. Let them be a warning to us.

I am much afraid that the schools will prove the very gates of hell, unless they diligently labour in explaining the Holy Scriptures, and engraving them in the hearts of youth. I advise no one to place his child where the scriptures do not reign paramount. Every institution in which means are not unceasingly occupied with the Word of God must be corrupt. ~ Martin Luther

In the sin and death of these small boys we see that God will hold sin against sinners, no matter how little they are.

God must be glorified as a righteous God, that hates sin, and will reckon for it, even in young people. ~ Matthew Henry

Because these boys were enticed to sin, and because of how they are described, if we’re looking for an age, I believe it would be far younger than most of us would be comfortable admitting. Notice though that no age is given. I believe we do well to abandon the “age” of accountability, and focus on a “level” of accountability.

The Level of Accountability

For these reasons we should move away from an age. Many theologians have agreed and stated that a level of accountability is far better than a specific birthday. The focus should be on the heart’s ability for comprehension,

Some people call it the age of accountability; I prefer the term level of accountability because everybody’s age is different. When they go from not knowing their right hand from their left, not knowing the difference between right and wrong to knowing, ‘I’m sinning, but I’m going to do it anyway!’ These children, they are born totally depraved, there is no question about it. ~ Todd Friel

Friel speaks of children who had not yet reached the level where they understood good and evil. Elsewhere this is described as knowing how to refuse the evil and choose the good.

Before the boy knows how to refuse the evil and choose the good, the land whose two kings you dread will be deserted. ~ Isaiah 7:16

Some children might learn this earlier and some might learn it later. Some might understand it immediately and some might grow into it. The Author of Hebrews speaks of discernment as something we grow into. He says,

You need milk, not solid food, for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil. ~ Hebrews 5:12-14

Jesus, John, and Samuel grew in wisdom and stature before God and men (Luke 1:80, 2:40, 2:52, 1 Samuel 2:26). Conversely, a child can be caused to sin (Matthew 18:6), children can be provoked to anger (Ephesians 6:4), and passion can be awoken too early (Song of Solomon 2:7).

It is clear that the level of accountability can be drastically different in different children, even in the same culture, church, or family. For this reason, Paul encourages Christians not be childlike in our thinking, but to be “infants in evil” (1 Corinthians 14:20).

A child who is wise in doing evil (Jeremiah 4:22) and is sinning willfully may be well past the level of accountability living in direct sin. A brief internet search shows toddlers who know not just the gamut of curse words, but are adept at using them. A child who can’t do chores knows just how to find pornography. A child who doesn’t know a single Bible verse can sing verbatim a song about fornication and violence. The internet has helped to draw the level of accountability lower and lower every year, and it was never very high to begin with.

As we consider the eternal state of children who have died, I believe it is good to hope for the best. But while children are still alive, I know that it is good to prepare for the worst. No child should be guaranteed heaven just because they are a child. If a child approaches you because they’ve heard of God’s holiness and the horrors of hell and they’re afraid, do not assuage their fears by telling them that they are too little worry about it. That old song taught children to sing, “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” I’d rather sing, “Jesus loves me this I know, and his long-suffering lovingkindness is meant to lead me to trust in his saving work on the cross and repent of my sins.” It needs some polishing, but the message is sound.

Children are in far more danger from their sins and the power of the evil one than we realize. They’ll potentially be held responsible for their sins far earlier than we or they are ready for. So, point them to the Lord Jesus Christ who loves little children and bids them come to him. Call them to repentance and share with them that hope can only be found in Jesus Christ.

How old should they be before you broach this topic? As soon as they can understand.

When Should Children Repent and Trust Christ?

As soon as you know right from wrong, you are old enough to begin taking the right way. As soon as you are old enough to be punished for doing wrong, you are old enough to give your heart to God, and to follow Christ. ~ J. C. Ryle

I was handing out gospel tracts at a major sporting event and gave one to a small boy with his father. The boy asked, “What is it?” Because of his age I simplified my answer, “It’s something about God.” He asked, “What about God?” at which point his father took the tract and flung it like a frisbee far far away. I responded to both of them by quoting George Whitefield,

Little children! If your parents will not come to Christ, come to Christ and go to heaven without them!

Understanding a level of accountability allows for such clear invitations. A child who can understand can respond. My then-three-year-old memorized James 1:19-20 (yes, the whole thing!) and loved to quote it to anyone who would listen. It was apparent from the beginning—and soon became more obvious—that he liked the attention more than the verse, but many adults were convicted that if a three-year-old could memorize God’s Word, so could they!

God spoke of the Ninevite children as not knowing their right hand from their left,

Should I not pity Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know their right hand from their left…? ~ Jonah 4:11

When the wrath of God was about to fall upon the entire city these little ones would not be spared, despite their lack of knowledge or accountability. Their smallness and youth would be no protection if the city were overthrown. And we see that they responded with their parents,

The people of Nineveh believed God. They called for a fast and put on sackcloth, from the greatest of them to the least of them. ~ Jonah 3:5

Who was the greatest of them? According to the Ninevites it certainly would have been the king who decreed that the entire city should fast and repent, calling out mightily to God, repenting from evil ways and violence in hopes that God would relent and turn from his anger.

Who was the least of them? From earlier, it was the “qatan”, the littlest. Can a baby fast? Can a three-year-old memorize and understand a Bible verse? Can an infant fear God? Can a child seek God? The author of Jonah certainly thought so.

Imagine the cries of hunger from the babies. Imagine the fear of God emanating as tears from the toddlers. Is that not a mighty crying out? Was it not their version of “Be gracious to me, O Lord, for to you do I cry all the day!” (Psalm 86:3)?

Who was the greatest spiritually in Ninevah? Wouldn’t Jesus point at one of those little ones and say “Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest…” (Matthew 18:4)?

Whether it was the king or it was a baby, to be great in the kingdom of heaven every one of us needs to humble ourselves, to seek God’s face and favor. As we seek him, we’ll grow.

Grow in Grace

Every one of us started out as little babies with no understanding of our right hand or our left. We had no fear of God before our eyes. We had to learn to walk and talk and control ourselves. And we need to learn how to trust God.

Our great desire is that we will be infants in evil and mature in our thinking (1 Corinthians 14:20). Until Christ returns or calls us home we still have room to grow. By the grace of God by the time we get to heaven we will have matured significantly,

For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:9-12

Until that day, help others grow. If a litt
le one has died not knowing the difference between good and evil we know they were received into the presence of God where they now know him better even than we know him. If there is any doubt as to whether your child had chosen to purposefully rebel against God or not, there is not an easy answer. Seek godly counsel and consider deeply.

Remember, David had two sons who died, an infant who he knew he would see again (2 Samuel 12:22), and his older son Absalom who was lost forever (2 Samuel 18:33). When did Absalom rebel against God? We can’t give a specific date or event, but we only know it happened.

God saves babies, and never has a baby eternally perished, even when they departed far sooner than we were ready for.

Remember when Jonah—petulant, quick-tempered Jonah—would have Nineveh perish, God gave as the reason why Nineveh should not be destroyed, that there were more than six-score thousand infants—persons who knew not their right hand from the left. ~ Charles Spurgeon

A Pillow Fort in the Whitehouse?

A couple of years ago I called my congressman to complain about a law that was harming small businesses. During the original intake, his staff heard my concerns and took notes. Soon after he called me and we had a fruitful fifteen-minute conversation. It was all business, there was no fluff, no pleasantries, no getting to know him or talking about anything other than the law that I needed changed and he had some power to change.

In the same way, if you had a matter of significant importance, you could gain an audience with the President of the United States. If you were privileged to sit in his office you would be welcomed so long as you had information he needed to hear. If you started rambling or telling stories or switched to vague topics or if you just stopped talking, the meeting would be over as he has other things to do. Your government can be a great help to you, but there are significant disadvantages in their available time.

“It is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you” said Jesus (John 16:7). There are many reasons why it is advantageous to have the Helper, the Holy Spirit, rather than Jesus here with us, none more obvious than accessibility. The Spirit indwells each and every believer and is not pressed for time or attention.

Imagine for a moment if Jesus had not gone away and the Spirit had not come. You call Jesus’ secretary and ask for a meeting because he is the only man on earth who can help you. Not only could he be thousands of miles away from you, but his calendar would be filled up for centuries. He could be on a trip, he could be napping in a boat, he could be in prison (as a visitor or a resident), he could be brokering peace between nations, or he could be dealing with any number of matters that appear more pressing than yours. His secretary apologizes profusely, but there is nothing they can do. Even though he is God in the flesh, he gets the same 86,400 seconds a day that you do, and they're booked up.

But the Spirit has no such limitations, and thank God that Jesus sent him to us! Now we can believe him when he says, “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). We don’t have to ensure our fifteen-minute block is chock-full of information, we don’t have to stay on subject. We can approach the throne of grace with boldness to receive grace and help in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16). We can just sit on the floor of the throne room and be in awe of our God working all things for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose.

I had a somewhat silly thought this morning that you couldn’t just go into the oval office and sit on the floor and build a pillow fort and watch the President work. “What are you doing?” would be the inevitable question. You couldn’t answer “I’m just being still and knowing that you are President.” You’d be escorted out.

This morning as I lay on the floor of the throne room of grace and begged God to hear my prayers through tears because I am poor and needy (Psalm 86:1-3). After pouring out my petitions I spent time just considering how he is working in my brothers and sisters in Nigeria, Madagascar, Nepal, churches in Georgia and South Dakota, and churches and ministries just around the corner. He’s working when I’m watching. He’s working when I'm not watching.

He didn’t mind that I was saying nothing while just watching him work. He invited me to be still and know that he is God and he honors that invitation. Jesus purchased that privilege for us when he died on the cross. He gave it to us when he sent the Holy Spirit. It is our great advantage, so let’s dwell in it.

The next time you're in the throne room of grace talking to the King, would you bring me up to him?

If you derive any benefit from my labours, aid me with your prayers to our heavenly Father. ~ John Calvin

What My Favorite Rock Taught Me About Prayer and Blessings

I was recently riding my bicycle past a local church. As I got closer, I noticed there was a man standing in front of the church seemingly yelling passionately at someone with his arms flailing. It soon became apparent that he was just railing at the church building and no one was in sight.

I thought about trying to talk to him, but decided he had to be on drugs or drunk and that a conversation would be fruitless. However, as I rode past him he must have heard the sound of the tires on the gravel and turned around to say, completely in his right mind, “Good morning, how are you?” I responded with a pleasantry and went on my way.

About a quarter mile past him my conscience got the better of me and I decided that I needed to talk to him, so I rode back and he was walking down the road away from me and the church. I greeted him and told him that I felt like God wanted me to give him a water, as I had an unopened one with me that I intended to drink later in the ride.

His response was, “Oh **** yeah. Thanks pastor.” I don’t know how he came to that conclusion, but I gave him the water and asked if he had a moment to talk. He said he was in a hurry, but what he really needed was someone to pray for him. I told him I would be happy to pray for him and asked him for specifics but he said just prayer.

So I put my hand on his shoulder and thanked God for our opportunity to meet, then expressed thankfulness that we have the opportunity to come before the throne of grace to receive grace and help in our time of need no matter how big or small the need is. Then I spent some time going over the gospel by bringing up that if he had not repented of his sins and put his faith in Jesus Christ, that today would be the day of salvation. We thanked God that the blood of Christ cleanses from all unrighteousness and that love covers a multitude of sins. The whole prayer probably took three minutes, maybe four, which actually feels like a very long time to pray for someone, but he listened and did not grow restless.

When I finished I hoped for a deeper conversation, but he said he had to go, but then he stopped from turning away and said, “I’ve got to give you something!” I told him he didn’t have to give me anything, but he insisted, and I was also perplexed because he looked to have nothing to give.

Then he reached in his pocket and gave me the most nondescript little rock (or more accurately a pebble) that you can imagine. It looked like he could have picked it up from the parking lot just moments before. But I received it with thanksgiving and told him I’d continue to pray for him.

The next time I got in the car I realized I still had the rock in my pocket so I placed it on the dash of the car and prayed for my friend. In praying for him I prayed for all sorts of things, first of all for his salvation, but second that he would find a church home that would disciple him, then I prayed for his family and relationships, and I ended with the way I end a lot of prayers, that God would bless him abundantly more than I could ask or imagine.

That rock on the dashboard reminded me to pray for him over the next couple of days, then God began to change me. He reminded me that there are people who I’m praying for regularly, but not praying that he would do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think in their lives (Ephesians 3:20), rather simply just offering up prayers that he would bring them to repentance and love. There is nothing wrong with those prayers per se, but the goal was not their ultimate blessing, rather the goal was my benefit through God blessing them.

It's changed the way I’ve prayed for many people in the last week, asking God to bless them beyond belief, that if he had to choose between blessing them or me, that he would choose them all day every day (compare Romans 9:3). But I am ever reminded that he does not have to choose between who he’ll bless. In your blessing I receive blessing, and in my blessing you receive blessing, it’s a mutual benefit. The random phrase that came up in my prayers has been asking God to “Bless their socks off.” I don’t even really know what that means, other than I want you, dear reader, to have so many blessings from God that you don’t know what to do with them.

So I still have that rock on my dashboard here more than a week later, and it’s still reminding me to pray. I lost it on a bumpy road and panicked for a moment, but I quickly realized that there is nothing special about this simple, run-of-the-mill pebble; it’s just a reminder to pray. I couldn’t find it for several days, thinking it had fallen into the air vent, but it turned up on the floor when I needed a reminder to pray.

Many people in my family have collected rocks for many years. We have rocks from Loch Ness, the Grand Canyon, South Dakota, and many others, but I’ve never collected rocks. But I’ll cherish this one for what God has taught me through it. May God bless you today as you seek his face, and may your socks be blessed straight off as you pray for God to do the same for those you pray for.

My Favorite Rock

When the Death of a Child is a Blessing - Hope in the Loss of a Baby

This is a chapter from an upcoming book, Hope in the Loss of a Baby: A Deeper Dive into what the Bible says about Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death. 

When the Death of a Child is a Blessing

Jeroboam was the first king of Israel (The Northern Kingdom) after God split the kingdom. Even though God had promised David trouble and a divided kingdom, he still held Jeroboam responsible for the evil he had done and the idols he had created and worshipped. Seemingly unrelated to all of the other sin, judgment, and destruction that was happening, Abijah, Jeroboam’s young son, fell ill (1 Kings 14:1).

Jeroboam’s wife sought out the nearest prophet of God (she had plenty of false prophets that she needed to bypass to get to him, see 1 Kings 13:33-34) and learned the devastating news that not only would her husband lose the kingdom, but that God had purposed to cut off every male from his lineage (1 Kings 14:10). This included Abijah her son.

In the midst of this curse, Abijah is the subject of one of the strangest blessings in the Bible,

When your feet enter the city, the child shall die, and all Israel shall mourn for him and bury him, for he only of Jeroboam shall come to the grave, because in him there is found something pleasing to the Lord, the God of Israel, in the house of Jeroboam. ~ 1 Kings 14:12-13

Spared From Future Suffering

Abijah was not saved from death, but he was saved from suffering and defilement.

This is such a hard blessing that I almost didn’t include it, but since it’s in the Bible and it speaks to our subject, we have to recognize that God may intend a blessing in the early death of some. It has become a proverb, “Only the good die young,” and while it’s not perfectly accurate, there is often truth in it. Matthew Henry said of Abijah, “His early death was a mercy to him, taking him away from the evil to come, that he might not see the ruin of his father’s house, nor be infected with the sins of it.”

Take a moment to consider what things an untimely death may save someone from.

Andrew van der Bijl (better known as Brother Andrew) had an older brother named Bas who had a severe developmental delay. Despite his challenges Bas was a joy to everyone he met until his untimely death in the early parts of World War II. Later, Brother Andrew reflected that his brother’s early death had saved him from the darker days ahead, the famine that came not long afterward, and especially that one of Bas’ favorite trees was cut down later in the war.

John Wycliffe was being charged as a heretic for his defense of the scriptures and saying things like,

The laity ought to understand the faith and, as doctrines of our faith are in the Scriptures, believers should have the Scriptures in a language which they fully understand!

Wycliffe was almost certainly on his way to torture, public humiliation, and execution for his defense of Bible translation. But God mercifully ushered him into glory through an unexpected stroke before his enemies could pounce.

My mother passed away a day before a freak flood destroyed the business she had spent three decades building. While I would much rather have my mother–even in the midst of immense financial strain–I cannot help but see the providential timing.

Of my babies in heaven, I am slightly jealous that they won’t have to navigate the challenges of Artificial Intelligence and the ways it will magnify sin. Nor will they have to watch the further decline of society (2 Timothy 3:13), the mistakes of history be repeated, or their parents grow old and die. I am happy even that they will be spared from navigating this fallen and broken world tainted by my sin and theirs. With a very painful and tear-filled hallelujah I am glad that God saved them from the toil and trouble to come, especially since we know from the rest of the Bible that they found favor in the eyes of God, and the good in them is the Christ in them, the hope of glory.

Isaiah put it this way, “The righteous man perishes…the devout men are taken away…the righteous man is taken away from calamity; he enters into peace…” (Isaiah 57:1-2). The NIV takes a little poetic license but really gets to the heart of what’s being said, “the righteous perish…the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil.” Spared from evil sounds especially pleasant right now when considering my babies who are safe in the arms of Jesus.

Matthew Henry said, “God often takes away those who are saved in early life to keep them from the evil to come.”

To his point, I have long been perplexed that such men as Robert Murray M’Cheyne (29 years old), David Brainerd (29 years old), Oswald Chambers (43 years old), and Charles Spurgeon (57 years old) were taken away far too soon, but this passage helps to shed light on God’s plans.

Similarly, if I had been in prison with Paul when he realized, “My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better” (Philippians 1:23), I would have grabbed him by the ankles and begged him not to leave!

If I could have held my babies back from heaven so that I could have been blessed to hold them longer, I would have wrestled to the death any angel God could have sent my way. But I would have been ultimately wrestling with God, who has a plan and a purpose and spares some from evil by their early deaths. We don’t want them to go, but we don’t want to be found opposing God, who has long ago set the appointment of all of our deaths (Hebrews 9:27), as well as the way in which we must die (Revelation 13:10). For some, our call is to walk a long path and live long fruitful lives full of trials and tribulations, and for others the path is shorter.

The early death of this youth was not a punishment to him, but a translation to glory, rescuing him from the spiritual pollution and coming temporal ruin of his father’s kingdom. ~ Charles Simeon

If a believer is sick, I had a friend who was convinced we shouldn’t pray for their recovery since that would be keeping them from the glories of heaven. In one sense I can agree with that, and I’ve prayed for several saints, “God, as so and so has run their race, if you’re done with them, they’re ready to enter into the joys of their master.” My prayer for you and I is that God doesn’t keep us a moment longer than he’ll build his kingdom through us.

Conversely, we want to keep people for our mutual benefit and blessing. David fasted and prayed fervently that his infant son would not die (2 Samuel 12:15-17). Paul was greatly relieved that his friend Epaphroditus had not died and was sure his recovery had saved him “sorrow upon sorrow” (Philippians 2:27). Jesus himself prayed that he would not have to go to the cross because he knew the wrath, separation, loneliness, pain, and death that lay ahead (Matthew 26:38-39), even though there was great joy on the other side (Hebrews 12:2).

I’m sure Abijah’s mother wanted to keep her son, protect him from death, and keep him as long as she could.

Hearts in Heaven

Not a single person who has gone to heaven, if given the option to come back, would come back. In a truly unique story, Samuel yelled at Saul for bothering his rest, asking why he had called him up;[1] Samuel was happy to stay in heaven (1 Samuel 28:15) and had no need to be bothered by earthly things any longer. Lazarus was called back from heaven to continue his ministry a little while longer and to provide the means by which many would believe. Jesus said, “Lazarus has died, and for your sake I’m glad I was not there, so that you may believe” (John 11:14-15). To this end, Alexander Maclaren captures a point that is easy to miss,

Think of the strange shadow that must have hung over him (Lazarus). He was a man who knew the secret. To him the grave was no longer an untraveled undiscovered country; it was a place he had inhabited and returned from. His life was henceforth lived under the dual light of two worlds.

Once you know the promises of heaven, it’s hard to fall in love with the lies of the world. Abijah had the world before him to tempt and corrupt, his own father would lead him astray if given the chance, and his own heart would lead him astray. Death had saved him from the sorrows of earth and ushered him into the glories of heaven,

Judgment on Jeroboam’s house was severe, but God’s grace spared Abijah by taking him to Himself. ~ John MacArthur

After the resurrection of Lazarus, the world sought to re-kill him because he was reaping so many converts to Christ (John 12:9-11). It wasn’t his resurrection that was so intriguing to potential converts, it was Lazarus himself. I can’t wait to hear his testimony in heaven, but something about his experience gave him immense faith, hope, and boldness, and it was contagious. The old hymn tells us,

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
look full in his wonderful face,
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
in the light of his glory and grace. ~ Helen Howarth Lemmel and Lilias Trotter

Beloved, you haven’t been to heaven yet, but you certainly have an expectation of how glorious it must be. I can’t say for sure, but I’d bet Lazarus did not want to come back after he’d been there four days; heaven was wonderful and earth stunk. He didn’t want to be known as we call him, “The man who died twice.” I’d bet that if you had the option to depart and be with Christ, you would go in an instant. Your child can’t return to you (2 Samuel 12:23), nor if given the option would your child return to you; God is a better Parent (Psalm 68:5), and heaven is a better country (Hebrews 11:16), but you may go to them.

In the meantime, until he calls you home, let your dearly departed magnify the vision of heaven for you. Consider what they have been saved from and saved to, and let them set your heart on fire to live a life like Lazarus so in love with heaven and so dejected with earth that many will come to Christ through your testimony and affections.

Hearts on Christ

Our hearts are idol factories, says John Calvin. Many a parent has idolized their children to the point of abandoning God’s precepts. One mother broke my heart when she blasphemed God for allowing the overdose death of her son. Charles Darwin walked away from his pursuit of truth and deeper into his idolatry after his ten-year-old daughter died. Many a parent has missed the assembling together with the saints because their child was ill, and far too many parents abandon truth because the megachurch down the road is more fun for their kids.

Though most of her response is hidden from us, Jeroboam’s wife believed God and delivered the message that the prophet had given her. Flavius Josephus points out that she was in a terrible conundrum as she traveled home, “the greater haste she made, she would the sooner see her son dead.” I believe her return was indicative that she trusted God; we’ll consider this more deeply at the end of this chapter concerning his burial.

She had a choice to make: believe God and return home, idolize her son’s life and flee, refuse to enter the city, beg the prophet to intervene for her and her son and family, or send a messenger. Take a moment to consider her options and think through how you would respond. For those whom God loves and is transforming from one degree of glory to another, he cannot and will not let an idol steal his glory.

God sometimes breaks our idols to draw us closer to Himself; He takes away our treasures to heaven so that our hearts will follow them. ~ J. C. Ryle

and,

If we lost our hold on earth through the departure of those we love, it was only that our grip on heaven might tighten. ~ Alistair Begg

Our ultimate treasure must be Jesus Christ, and where has he gone? He went to heaven to prepare a place for us (John 14:3). Imagine if you were so in love with the world that when he returns you refuse to run to him? What should he do with the chains and affections that hindered you from running to him? I would want him to break them, to make me have no reason to stay when he returns or calls me home. I’d pray with Keith and Kristyn Getty,

And when I cling to what I have,
please wrest it quickly from my grasp,
I’d rather lose all the things of earth,
to gain the things of heaven.

And that is just what he does. I mentioned to a dear friend, a newer convert aspiring to become a minister, that God will crush idols we won’t lay down. His response was humorous yet extremely somber, “I’d better not idolize my family, because I don’t want God to take them away.” John Newton, upon burying his beloved adopted daughter, said,

He takes away our children, or our friends, that He may have our hearts more entirely to Himself. When our cisterns are broken, we are more driven to the fountain.

This is a hard lesson from Abijah. Had his mother sought the child’s life, praying that he would not die when she entered the city, and had God granted it, she would have been sealing his doom later when God destroyed all of the men in Jeroboam’s household and their corpses were defiled. Had she held him back to save her immediate suffering, she would have cast him into immense, perhaps infinite, future suffering.

Because she did return, the good that God had seen in Abijah her son ensured that he would be welcomed into heaven when she set foot in the city and he died. In her obedience I believe we also see a glimpse of the faith that would save her later, though I can’t say that for certain.

Death the Defiler

Had Abijah’s mother seen the loophole in God’s warning, “when your feet enter the city, the child shall die” (1 Kings 14:12), she could have run off and never returned to that city again. Josephus speculated that she was an Egyptian, which matches with Jeroboam spending time in exile in Egypt (1 Kings 11:40), so she could have just gone home to Egypt and the child would not have died.

But I think she did see that loophole. Why then would she return? Wasn’t this a cruelty for the child? No, it was a mercy, because she knew if the child did not die then, he would not be buried. And if he didn’t die now, he would later die and be defiled. Some preachers and commentators have said that the prophet’s words were only devastating, but I see that God left a glimmer of hope.

We live in an era of mostly clean death. We don’t see the aftermath of trauma, we see corpses that are dressed up and made up to appear to still be alive, or when that’s not possible we often see closed caskets, and more and more commonly we don’t even have a funeral or memorial. I was in a group of pastors recently where we lamented over how hidden death has become in our culture. It’s not gone, it’s just hidden, and it’s out of sight and out of mind. I’ve counseled my fair share of grieving family members who cannot find closure because the last time they saw their loved one, they were vivacious and thriving, but after they died the immediate family opted for no funeral or memorial.

Of the infant funerals I’ve officiated the mortician did a flawless job in presentation and the babies either looked alive or like perfect dolls. Nothing visually about those babies would make death seem something to be feared or despised. A few years ago, we disinterred an infant so he could be buried next to his father who was killed in Iraq ten years after the baby had died; for reasons that I don’t understand the funeral home opened the casket and everyone was surprised at how perfectly embalmed and flawless the baby’s body still looked a decade later.

For the time immediately following death, hospitals have specially designed preservation cribs so that parents are gifted time to grieve before the post-mortem effects begin to take effect. I love that these cribs provide bonding and grieving time, but I hate that there is a need for them to exist. Historically we needed to bury the deceased as soon as possible. In death we see the defilement of sin, but in burial we also see the hope of the resurrection.

But when we sterilize and minimize death, we seem to be trying to hide both, and do our earthly best to remove the sting of death from this world. Part of this is because we’re afraid of death. Part is because we don’t want to consider the consequences of our actions. Part of it is just because we trust the coroners, morticians, and medical professionals to properly handle the body once the soul has departed. But probably the biggest reason we hide death is because we don’t want to consider our own mortality.

Despite this temporary blessing of death being out of sight and out of mind, our consciences and grief scream that something is terribly wrong.

Most of human history could not fathom this separation from death, nor imagine that death could be considered sterile or clean. Jeroboam’s wife certainly could not, she knew the horrors of death and why the statement, “the wages of sin is death” is such a concrete and frightful promise. The sting and victory of death reigned from Adam until Christ, and is still reigning in a world plagued by sin.

The Hope of Resurrection

After Christ’s resurrection we can confidently say with Charles Spurgeon, “Death is a stingless dragon to the believer.” But before Christ’s resurrection death had a nasty sting. This sting was mitigated before Christ in burial, such as when Israel (aka Jacob) died and his body was not buried in Egypt, but carried home to be buried in the promised land (Genesis 50:2, 5-6, 12-13), as was Joseph disinterred from Egypt to be buried at Shechem (Joshua 24:32), and the remains of Saul and Jonathan were rescued from public display to be buried in Israel (2 Samuel 21:12-14).

All of these represent the expectation of a resurrection, that God Is the God of the patriarchs, not God Was the God of the patriarchs (Matthew 22:31-32). But for those who were cursed by God and would not be raised to eternal life, but eternal death, the disposition of the body was considerably different,

Your carcasses will be food for all the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and there will be no one to frighten them. ~ Deuteronomy 28:26

This is why God refusing them burial was such a curse on Jeroboam (1 Kings 14:11), Baasha (1 Kings 16:4), Ahab (1 Kings 21:24), Jezebel (1 Kings 21:23), Jehoiakim (Jeremiah 22:18-19), Gog (Ezekiel 39:4,17-20), Pharaoh (Ezekiel 29:5, 32:4-6), and all who rebel against God in the last days (Isaiah 66:24, Revelation 19:17-18). The absence of a burial in Israel was tantamount to knowing that the deceased had no hope in the resurrection.

This is why it was so important for Jeroboam’s wife to see her son buried. Though it meant the end of his life, it preserved his favor with God and his expectation of eternal life.

We have to answer a hard question: what happened to all of the babies who for whichever reason did not receive a burial. Is that indicative of their cursed state? I would say no, and I’ll prove it. First, the long list above, while not exhaustive, is the result of rebellion and is a specific warning to a specific people. Just as dispersal in the Old Covenant was proof of cursing (Deuteronomy 28:64), dispersal now is often a proof of God’s blessing and commission (Acts 1:8, 1 Peter 1:1).

Many of God’s most faithful saints have not received a burial, such as John Hus whose body was burned and his ashes thrown into the Rhein River by his enemies so that he would have no part in the resurrection. Or Maekyn Wens who refused to stop preaching as she was executed so they affixed a tongue screw to silence her until she was burnt to ashes; the law forbade her burial so the ashes would have been simply swept away or cast into the nearby Scheldt River. Joan of Arc was burned to ashes, then her ashes were burnt twice more, and the Seine River received her final earthly remains. Time would fail to tell of Tyndale, Savonarola, Jerome of Prague, Polycarp of Smyrna, among countless others. John Wycliffe, as we previously mentioned died and was buried, was later exhumed by enemies of Christ, his bones burned, and his remains cast into the River Swift.

The Bible anticipates the question of what happens to God’s holy ones whose bodies are not buried, but lost. Do they participate in the resurrection? How can God find all of the tiny pieces of these bodies to put them back together and resurrect them? From dust to dust and ashes to ashes, how can these saints dwell in heaven in heavenly bodies if their earthly bodies were destroyed?

And the sea gave up the dead who were in it… ~ Revelation 20:13

and Ezekiel in the valley of dry bones,

As I prophesied, there was a sound, and behold, a rattling, and the bones came together, bone to its bone… ~ Ezekiel 37:7

and Job,

For I know that my redeemer lives,
and at the last he will stand upon the earth.
And after my skin has been thus destroyed,
yet in my flesh I shall see God. ~ Job 19:25-26

Until only recently this had to be taken as a matter of faith, that we didn’t know how God would do it, only that he would. Only now, with the mapping of the human genome, do we know the intricacies of DNA; and while it’s still a great mystery, it has become clearer that our bodies are intricately programmed at the molecular level. Does God keep a perfect record of your DNA so that he can flawlessly rebuild your body in imperishable form no matter how much damage or destruction it has undergone here on earth (confer Psalm 56:8, 1 Corinthians 15:42)? I think so.

Let goods and kindred go,
this mighty life also;
the body they may kill;
God’s truth abideth still;
his kingdom is forever! ~ Martin Luther

Jesus told us not to fear those who can only destroy the body but cannot kill the soul, rather fear God who can destroy both soul and body in hell (Matthew 10:28). Abijah’s mother, Jeroboam’s wife, knew that to save her son’s life was futile if he lost his soul. She knew that God’s favor was far more valuable than to live a vapor’s width of life on earth (James 4:14, Matthew 6:27).

We still hold fast to the knowledge that when we put off this body of dust it will be planted like a seed in the ground, sown in dishonor and weakness, raised in glory and power (1 Corinthians 15:43). One way or another we will participate in the resurrection, that is sure, and may it always be that we have God’s favor purchased through his Son’s death, and assured in his resurrection.

As we look forward to the final resurrection, one moment I hope God lets us replay in heaven is when the tombs were opened and the “bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised, and coming out of the tombs after his resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many” (Matthew 27:52-53). If he lets us behold that amazing moment, I wonder if we’ll see Abijah and his mother among them? I’m sure we will.

Conclusion

While Abijah’s early death was very sad, God had a purpose in it. As we’ve seen, the premature death of some is to protect them from defilement and sin in the future. If you have a loved one who departed too early by our standards, know that they departed exactly on God’s timeline.

Take a moment and consider what suffering, pain, and most importantly which desecration they were spared from enduring. If you could bring your baby back from heaven, would you? Would they want to return?

Most importantly, are you ready to go to them? Their favor with God is assured, so your call is to make sure you’re seeking his favor with your heart fixed on heaven and the hope of his resurrection.

---

[1]“Up” is indicative that Samuel was in the part of Sheol that we call “Abraham’s Bosom” (Luke 16:22), as heaven had not yet been opened, just as the New Heavens and New Earth have not been created yet; we often refer to all of these as “heaven” though they are distinct places; what they have in common is God’s grace and love and peace. Eternal life is knowing God (John 17:3), not living in a certain place.