Job's Expectation - Hope in the Loss of a Baby

This is a chapter from an upcoming book, Hope in the Loss of a Baby: A Deeper Dive Into What the Bible Says About Pregnancy and Infant Loss.

Job’s Expectation

He who took them was the one who gave them. He has not made a mistake. He does all things well. ~ Hudson Taylor

Hudson Taylor, founder of the China Inland Mission, buried four children and one wife. In his lament, he alluded to Job 1:21,

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord.

Job comes early in this book because his experience speaks volumes about the death of a baby, and it also speaks to parents who have lost children. While whole books could be written on this topic from Job alone, I am going to condense it into one chapter.

If you don’t know the story of Job, I would encourage you to read Job 1 and 2 before continuing. The synopsis is that Job lost his entire kingdom in a day because God offered him up as an example of faithfulness to Satan. Within minutes Job learned that all of his livestock had been stolen, almost all of his servants were murdered, and worst of all, that his ten children had been killed in a natural disaster. Sometime later Job’s health was also taken from him.

He was left only with a body covered in diseased sores, a couple of servants, a lot of unanswered questions, and his wife.

Job’s Wife

Keep in mind that Job’s wife lost seven sons and three daughters and her whole financial future, just like Job. We don’t see much of her response–nor her grieving, pain, or despair–but we do see some, and we understand in a very small way how hurt and distraught she was.

Many preachers and teachers have pointed out that what Job really needed in his tribulation was a supportive and loving wife, and what he got was “Curse God and die!” (Job 2:9). She very well may have been captured by Satan to do his will (2 Timothy 2:26), helping to multiply the pain of Job, or she may just have been speaking out of her broken heart. God had not limited Satan’s interaction in her life like he had Job’s (Job 1:12). But even though Job was the target, it wasn’t just his tribulation; it was their tribulation. Hurt people hurt people, and Job’s wife was seriously hurt.

I’m trying to avoid a whole word study, but bear with me a for a moment for an important point on word usage. To fully understand Job’s story, we have to recognize that the Hebrew word “Barak” appears often in the book of Job, but is used in radically different ways. God uses it as material blessing, Satan uses it once to describe a material blessing, but then he turns it to a curse, Job uses it to describe who God is, and his wife uses it as a curse turned into an accusation.[1] Here’s why the broadness of this term is important: the same event can have a vastly different impact on different people. If you’re grieving, chances are someone else experiencing the same even is going to grieve differently.

Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DeKlyen in their book Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss delivers the message that different people grieve in drastically different ways. In the time of tragedy, it’s always important to remember that the way you grieve is not the way everyone grieves.

Remember, love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (1 Corinthians 13:7). Someone that lashes out at you, or someone who seems to have moved past the grief way too quickly, is almost certainly grieving in their own way. Ask them what they’re feeling and what they need, and if they want to talk. If you want to talk, and they don’t, then make sure they know that when they’re ready, you need them to be a listening ear. Until then, pray for them and seek a godly counselor who will listen, but not replace, your spouse.

If they lash out, listen to their anger as an expression of what is in their heart. The definition of worry is believing that God won’t do what’s right. The definition of bitterness is believing that what God did wasn’t right. Worry often expresses itself in silence, bitterness often expresses itself in outburst. Both worry and bitterness are a sin, and we’ll see that Job was not blameless later in the book, but right now we’re talking about Job’s wife, who is mad at Job, but she’s more mad at God.

When Job responded to her, despite it being a rebuke, it seems like he was being loving. Job 2:10 tells us there was no sin when he said, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” Notice, Job doesn’t call her a foolish woman, he says what she’s saying is foolish. He doesn’t accuse or label her, he addresses what she said, and he points her to God’s provision, and he asks her an introspective question. It truly is a marvelous exchange. His goal is to set her hope on God, not to figure out who is to blame, or tear her down, and especially not to hurt her.

We don’t know the rest of her story, but I’m sure she had a lot of wrestling to do with God. I want to believe that she worked through this season with Job and was restored. She is mentioned a few times throughout Job’s defense of himself, but never in a way we can discern her end. When Job is restored, she’s not mentioned, but there is also no evidence that Job had to find a new wife.

She’s also not included in God’s rebuke against Job and his counselors, making it seem that God had already forgiven her outburst and bitterness. In one sense it would be nice to know if she was restored, but I believe what the Holy Spirit is doing by not answering that questions is encouraging us to look inward at our own bitterness and consider how we have responded and how we should live in the future. But there are enough hints to know what she was thinking and feeling, so that we can have compassion on her and learn from her suffering.

When she lashed out at Job, it shows she had been considering the potential cause and effect of their misfortune. She asked Job, “Do you still hold fast to your integrity!?” (Job 2:9, emphasis mine, compare Job 2:3 for Job’s intact integrity).

Let’s try to discern her thought process. She likely believed like Job and his friends that if you do good, good things will happen to you (Job 4:7, 8:20, etc., compare Deuteronomy 28:1-14), and  if bad things have happened to you, it’s because you’ve done bad things (Job 4:8, 11:20, 18:5-21, etc., compare Deuteronomy 27:9-26, 28:15-68). In one sense the world might call it Karmic, but in a more realistic sense, it was the language of the Old Covenant, that what a person sows, they will reap (Hosea 8:7, 10:13, Proverbs 22:8, Galatians 6:7). We would call it the “Old Covenant” which was between men and God and required constant and perfect obedience and is meant to lead us to the “New Covenant” which is between Jesus and the Father (Consider Hebrews 8:6-13, especially verse 12). The Bible tells us to look into the law like it’s a mirror (James 1:23), so that it will show us that we are accountable to God (Romans 3:19), so that we can be redeemed by Christ who redeemed us from the curse of the law (Galatians 3:13).

Job’s wife was still living in that place, likely before even Moses, where God’s blessing seemed to depend on her obedience, and if there were cursing, it seemed sure that someone must have sinned.

Job’s wife could look inward and know that she had not sinned, that the calamity facing them was not her fault, so there was only one other option in her mind: Job must have sinned. She didn’t have access to the behind the scenes commentary where the Holy Spirit confirms that Job was blameless, upright, feared God, and turned away from evil (Job 1:1). She didn’t know that Job’s righteousness was reiterated when, “Job did not sin or charge God with wrong” (Job 1:22). She couldn’t know that God affirmed to Satan that Job was still walking in his integrity (Job 2:3). And finally she couldn’t tell that Job did not sin with his lips (Job 2:10). But she couldn’t know that, because the book of Job hadn’t been written yet, so I don’t fault her for considering that Job must have sinned.

Whatever she accused him of is not recorded, but he must have denied having any culpability, holding fast to his integrity. Unfortunately, she didn’t respond gently.

In every tragedy we are going to respond in love or in bitterness, there are not many other options. If I were counseling Job and his wife, I would point them towards Grieving: Your Path Back to Peace by James White which would encourage them towards peace and away from acrimony.

As we searched for God’s will, I would say there are four options: 1) Job sinned, 2) Job’s wife sinned, 3) they both sinned, or 4) nobody sinned and God is doing a work that they don’t currently understand. I might take each of them aside individually and ask candidly, “Did you sin?” There is no benefit it pretending a sin didn’t occur if it clearly did, but if they were both adamant that they had kept a short list of sins and confession with God, then I would move on towards what the future holds.

It's tempting to draw a straight line from sin to calamity, but it’s rarely that clear. Especially in Job’s situation, since we know the behind the scenes events, if we assign blame to him we would be clearly in the wrong, just as his three friends were erroneous in their accusations and counsel. We do well to remember the saying,

Presence of calamity is not proof of sin. Presence of comfort is not proof of virtue.

In Job’s case, while his calamity was not predicated by sin, we’ll see later that his future did hold bitterness and accusations against God. Because of his suffering and his interaction with God, Job was moved to a place of humility and the blessing of a deeper relationship with God.

We can’t say for sure what happened to Job’s wife or her relationship with God, but I hope you’ve seen that her response and her interaction with her husband were realistic responses to the trouble they were facing. May she bring you comfort as you consider your response when God gives and takes away.

I do want to emphasize that accusations are never right. So, if you’re hurt, don’t respond in a hurtful way; seek to bless the Lord in your heart and bless those around you with your words and deeds. Especially those who are hurting with you.

Job’s Lament

After his interaction with his wife, Job sat for at least seven days in his despair, potentially several months (Job 29:2). He was not rash to speak, but that didn’t temper his anger by much.

Job’s friends came and sat with him, both day and night. These were wonderful friends; their desire was pure to love their friend as they sought to commiserate with and comfort him. In chaplaincy we call this a ministry of presence, just being there. It’s tempting to speak quickly, but in a time of tragedy like this, often it’s beneficial just to be present. This is especially important, like in Job’s case, when the suffering is “very great.” I teach young ministers that in the hospital they only need to do three things: 1) Be there, 2) Pray for comfort 3) Keep your words brief. I’ve heard from many families that “I don’t remember what the chaplain said, but them being there was a comfort.”

God speaks to every topic and pain, so when the time is right, we speak. But in the midst of such tragedy, we must take James’ wisdom seriously, “Beloved brother, let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, for the anger of men does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:19-20). The time for counseling and conversation will come, but it’s often not immediately.

Job’s processing took time. You will not quickly be ready to talk, much less ready to move past your grief. There is a real and healthy expectation that you will carry your grief with you for the rest of your life. In counseling those who have lost children, I’ve heard everything from, “It’s his one-month birthday today,” to “He would have been twenty-nine (years old) today.” And everything in the middle. My grandmother lost an infant son to Meningitis in about 1962 and she spoke often of him until she died in 2012.

Others process the death quickly; usually this is predicated by a desire to care for people who are grieving and need someone to be stronger than them. King David can be used as an example, having moved past his mourning relatively quickly (2 Samuel 12:19-23), partly because he need to comfort his wife, the baby’s mother (2 Samuel 12:24). Job on the other hand took at least seven days just to be ready to talk. Others may not be ready to talk for years, but I recommend finding a godly friend, family member, or counselor who you can share your grief with within the first few weeks. I’m generally ready to talk immediately after tragedy, but I’m not you and you’re not me, so move at your own pace in the wisdom of God.

Most of Job’s lament is based around the fact that he wished he’d never been born…he is not alone in this, we’ll see that Jeremiah and Judas Iscariot were in similar positions. Where Job is unique is that he doesn’t wish he’d never existed, he points a still-birth at rest and hope.

I would have lain down and been quiet; I would have slept; then I would have been at rest, with kings and counselors of the earth who rebuilt ruins for themselves, or with princes who had gold, who filled their houses with silver…there the wary are at rest, there the prisoners are at ease together; they hear not the voice of the task masker. The small and the great are there, and the slave is free from his master. ~ Job 3:13-19

He goes on to say that death is a release, “[they] are glad when they find the grave…” (Job 3:22). Later Job would consider that he would have hope even if God took his life, “Though he slay me, I will hope in him…” (Job 13:15) and he looked forward to the renewal after his death (Job 14:13, 14, the New Testament calls this renewal a resurrection, see John 11:24). Matthew Henry says of the rest that is death, “it is a bed out of which they shall rise refreshed in the morning of the resurrection.”

The phrase “Rest in Peace” on tombstones has only become popular in the last seventeen-hundred or so years, but the idea of a person who knew God resting in peace until the resurrection has been around much longer. Lazarus is referenced as being in comfort after his death (Luke 16:25), the author of Hebrews references death as “For we who believed entered that rest” (Hebrews 4:3), and Stephen isn’t said to have died when he was murdered, rather, he fell asleep (Acts 7:60).

The important thing to see in Job’s life is that the quiet of still-birth was anticipated by him to be better than a life “born to trouble as the sparks fly upward” (Job 5:7), since “man who is born of a woman is few of days and full of trouble” (Job 14:1, compare James 4:14). The Holy Spirit would not have recorded this in the book of Job if it weren’t true, and we’re able to compare it to other accounts to verify it wasn’t just Job’s wishful thinking, which we’ll do later in the book.

Based on Job’s lamentation, we are able to see that babies who die are instantly at rest. Some might say that “rest” just means that the ends of all mankind are the same (Ecclesiastes 2:19-21), which could reasonably be argued if we just stayed in Job 3, but the conclusion to the book of Job shows something interesting about his deceased children.

Job’s Restoration

At the end of Job’s ordeal, he received double the sheep (14,000 instead of the 7,000 that he lost), double the camels (12,000 instead of the 6,000 he had lost), double the oxen (1,000 yoke instead of the 500 he had lost), and double the donkeys (1,000 instead of the 500 he had lost). But, and pay attention carefully, he did not receive double the number of children on earth. He lost ten children and he received ten children. He didn’t have twenty new children, only ten more.

This is an important fact not to be missed. Animals don’t have a soul, so while they can be incredibly useful, loving, and loved, they cease to exist when they die.

Human beings, on the other hand, have a soul, and to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. When it came to his restoration, Job did receive double the children, the only difference in this restoration was that ten were in eternity and ten were on earth.

While the animals are double the number of Job 1:3, why are not the children? It is obvious that Job still had seven sons and three daughters waiting for him in the presence of God. ~ John MacArthur

If you’ve lost a child, I believe Augustine said it best, “we have not lost our dear ones who have departed from this life but have merely sent them ahead of us…” and Spurgeon agreed, “They are not lost, but gone before. They are gone to the great Father’s house, where the many mansions are. They are in the upper room of the house, in the nursery of the Great King.” Truly, we haven’t lost something if we know where it is. In the case of a loved one who trusted God for salvation, we may have lost their fellowship temporarily, but we know just where they are and how to be reunited with them.

Job’s restoration is difficult to understand at first, because it seems to be implied that his future blessing made up for his past suffering. But I would say that his material blessing is just a symptom of the true blessing.

The true blessing was that Job gained a deeper relationship with God, was able to repent of his bitterness that had fomented in his heart, and that he learned what it was to be an intercessor for his friends.

It’s easy to gloss over the fact that Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar are likely in heaven today because Job’s suffering revealed what was in their heart so that blood could be shed for their sins and Job could act as mediator for their souls (Job 42:8-10). Without Job’s suffering they very well could be in anguish right now, but because of his suffering they gained a mediator between God and men. Mediators like Job point forward to a time when God’s own Son would mediate for his saints (1 Timothy 2:5) after shedding his own blood for their redemption (Hebrews 9:12).

Was their salvation worth all the pain and suffering that Job endured? Was it worth the death of Job’s sons and daughters? I can’t say that for sure, but God definitely used that tragedy for their good.

But, I can say this confidently, the death of God’s own Son was definitely used for my salvation, theirs, and yours, if you’ll trust him.

Job’s Backward Looking

We have one more lesson to learn from Job. Not long before God rebukes him, he has a nice reminiscent vision of his life before the tragedy. I say it’s nice, because there is not initially anything wrong with it,

Oh, that I were as in the months of old, as in the days when God watched over me… ~ Job 29:2 (see also verses 3-25)

It doesn’t feel bad to look backwards. In fact there might be a lot of comfort in remembering how much God did in your life before the tragedy. But we have to remember that God rebukes Job sternly starting in chapter 38. Living in the past can definitely be a sin.

Philippians 3:13-14 tells us that Paul didn’t live in the past, but pressed towards the future with this statement,

One thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

No matter how great your past was, one thing is certain: things can never go back to the way they were. You’ll either grow in grace or grow in bitterness, but you can’t stay the same and you can never go back to the way you were. Neither could Job.

A number of movies have romanticized the idea of heroes being rewarded by getting to relive life without tragedy, such as Jumanji (1995) where the parents died in a car accident, or Masters of the Universe (1987) where the parents died in a plane crash. In both of those movies, the end of the saga shows the parents alive and the heroes begging them not to take their trips. In Live Die Repeat (2014) the main character gets to try again every time he is killed in his mission to win a battle. And in Groundhog Day (1993), the main character relives every day, sometimes making the world nicer and sometimes making it worse, but with no lasting consequences for any of his actions. Getting a second chance, or multiple redoes, is a nice thought, but it misses the providence of God; he is working in all circumstances to bring about his purposes. I would love a second chance to avoid serious pitfalls and pain, but then I would negate the grace of God that has been shown through those trials.

Forgetting all things in the past doesn’t mean that we don’t remember and rejoice, but that we look forward for to see what God would have us to do. This includes not reminiscing too long even on the good things. Imagine a couple who have been happily married for forty-nine years; on their wedding anniversary they both announce that they have loved each other enough and have agreed to take a one-year hiatus from further love, and that they will survive and thrive on the past forty-nine years of love. This arrangement will free up time to do things that don’t involve loving each other! Doesn’t that sound ridiculous?

Past love does not carry us through the future. This is why we’re called to persevere, continue loving, and finish the race. This is why God not only loved (past tense) the world and sent his Son (John 3:16, Revelation 1:5), but why he continues to love (present tense) the Christian (John 14:23, 16:27, Hebrews 12:6, Revelation 1:5). We look back at the love that Christ showed on the cross and consider that he is actively loving us today. Both his past and present love encourage us to continue loving towards the future, knowing that he will never leave us nor forsake us.

Refusing to live in the past sounds harsh until you realize what you’re pressing towards. In Job’s case it was, “And the Lord restored the fortunes of Job…the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before…and the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning…and Job died, an old man, and full of days” (Job 42:10, 12, 17).

What are you pressing towards? Romans 8:28-29 says that God is using all things to transform you into the image of Christ. I hope God blesses you on earth, but much more I hope he blesses you in eternity. The call is to look forward to the future glory of Christ, which is nothing in comparison to the present suffering, nor the things you’ve lost. That includes even the exceeding precious people that will forever hold a place in our hearts.

Conclusion to Job

We like to think that God wants us to be safe, comfortable, and building a strong family with a long progeny. Job’s story turns all of that upside down, especially when we realize it was not Satan’s idea, but God’s idea and will to put Job through such a trial.

God cares about his glory, our holiness, and our eternal life much more than our temporary happiness or comfort. Death, tragedy, and suffering are God’s extreme tools to shake up our lives to seek him. Please note that neither Job, his wife, his children, nor his servants did anything to cause what they went through. Nor did they have any idea of what God was doing behind the scenes.

Rather, notice that suffering led to us seeing what was in the hearts of Job, his wife, and his friends, so that it could be purged from them and their relationship with God increased. What they gained in knowing God was infinitely better than what they lost.

The next time you hear of someone suffering, spend some time first just sitting with them, and consider that there may not be an easy answer to why they are suffering. Remember that they don’t need accusations or immediate answers, and the person they need to hear from much more than you is God.

Last, remember that Jesus, though a son, learned obedience through what he suffered (Hebrews 5:8). If you’re suffering now, or suffered in the past, consider whether your suffering moved you closer to God or farther from him. If you moved away from God, it’s not too late to redeem your suffering by running back to the God who loves you and is seeking your highest and best usefulness. He is ready and willing to give you all things that pertain to life and godliness through his Son. He will continue to work in your life until Christ returns or calls you home.

Through many dangers, toils, and snares,
I have already come.
‘Twas grace that brought me safe thus far,
and grace will lead me home. ~ John Newton

Job's Restoration by Laurent de La Hyre, 1648

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[1]Barak (blessing/cursing) is similar in sound to the word Baraq (lightning) but there does not seem to be an etymological link between the two; the author of Job seems to seek to avoid this confusion by using Owr for lightning rather than Barak.

Love Your Enemies

I was preaching in the park after a beautiful rainstorm. I opened with, “He sends rain on the just and on the unjust” (Matthew 5:45). I often preach from Matthew 5 as it delivers a clear expression of the juxtaposition between who we are, who Christ is, and who he can make us.

I love how the beatitudes of the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7) start out so general, and then how specific Jesus gets into hatred being equivalent to murder (Matthew 5:21-22), lust being equivalent to adultery (Matthew 5:27-28), and telling the truth simply (Matthew 5:37). That transition from general to specific is one of my favorite topics in the Bible.

As I preached Matthew 5:44-45 something jumped out at me that I’ve read dozens of times and yet never seen before, and I’ve seen more things since that I want to write down and has been exacerbated by a recent trend. That trend is that there is a resurgence of people who say yes and amen to verse 43, that you should “love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” They love those who love them and hate those who hate them; who wouldn’t love such a straight forward command that I want to do anyways? It’s easy, relatively safe (from a human perspective), and it’s human nature. But Jesus doesn’t love it, so he says exactly the opposite. Why? Because he doesn’t want you to be like your enemies; he wants you to be like God.

When we love our enemy, that looks exactly the opposite of hating them:

We stop trying to hurt them.

If we’ve hurt them, we seek to apologize.

If we can repair the hurt, we spend and be spent to make restitution.

We seek their highest and best usefulness.

We’re glad they exist.

Loving our enemy causes us to pray for them:

That they’ll love their enemies.

That they’ll know the peace that surpasses understanding.

That they’ll thrive in life and godliness.

That God will bless them and not curse them.

That God will treat them the way we want to be treated.

I’m sure there are many things I missed on those lists, but I think the foundation is laid. This is serving them, but it’s also for us: that we “may be sons of our Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 5:45). Earlier in his sermon Jesus had given a very general statement, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9). We have to wonder, “How many times do I have to love, forgive, turn the other cheek, or serve my enemy to be a peacemaker? After all, there was that one time I think I made peace…am I a peacemaker?” In verses 43-45 Jesus gets specific, that being a peacemaker and acting like your Father in heaven requires you to continually love your enemies and pray for those who are persecuting you. He gives the example that as long as the sun is still rising and rain is still falling, God is still loving his enemies. Therefore, beloved, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you as often as the sun comes up and then more fervently as you receive the desperately needed blessing of rain.

Man—despite his artistic pretensions, his sophistication, and his many accomplishments—owes his existence to a six-inch layer of topsoil and the fact that it rains. ~ Paul Harvey

A woman new to following Jesus – after considering her upbringing in Islam and her later atheism – summed up her newborn faith with,

I find that Christianity is actually obsessed with love. ~ Ayaan Hirsi Ali (13:58 of her debate with Richard Dawkins)

Yet, somehow there is a whole sect of people calling themselves Christians who are obsessed with hurt, separation, comfort, and hating their enemies. Such things ought not to be! If Jesus is for us, desiring us to be sons of our Father, then we ought to pray fervently for those who are doing the opposite. We expect the world to hate their enemies, but how is it that we could have such malice in our hearts if we’ve been forgiven so much (Luke 7:47)?

Beloved reader, today I call you to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that he’ll call you a peacemaker and a son (or daughter) of God. It’s for the good of your enemies, oh yes, but it’s also good for you. I’m reminded of the United States (and others) helping to rebuild Germany and Japan after WWII; both of those countries are now counted as our friends. What a blessing for them, us, and the rest of the world.

Loving your enemy blesses you in at least these ways:

Rejoicing that God put them in your life is a cure for bitterness.

Forgiving them shows that you’ve been forgiven.

Praying for them reminds you that you’re in desperate need of God’s intercession in your life.

Loving them knits your heart to theirs and reminds you that we can all be one in Christ.

Sacrificing for them is reminiscent of when Jesus came to die for you.

Ultimately, we are doing this for Jesus’ sake, the one who loved his enemies, sought them and bought them, forgave them, cleaned them up, used them for his good purposes, and is preparing – even now – a place for them in heaven. You’re never more like Jesus than when you’re loving your enemies (Romans 5:8), praying for them (Luke 23:34), and forgiving them (Colossians 3:13).

Last, I want to consider for a moment how to love enemies of nations. Supposedly a call went out recently from the leadership of a nation asking how they could creatively punish their belligerent enemy. Beloved, that’s not how you win wars or act like Christ or earn friends. Our desire is that all people from every nation would be saved. That won’t be accomplished by sending bombs or bullets, it won’t even been accomplished by sending technology or nourishment, it will only be accomplished through the one who is able to give life and life abundantly (John 10:10); the one who is able to heal nations (Revelation 2:2).

He is the principal peacemaker, the hope of nations, the friend of sinners, and the only way to life and peace and reconciliation with God. He loved his enemies by dying to make peace by the blood of his cross. May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of his suffering!

If you don’t know where to start, maybe pray something like this, and test God to see if won't give you wisdom, love, forgiveness, and life freely and without criticizing:

Father God, please use me as a peacemaker, send enemies into my life so that your grace and mercy and love may be displayed in me. Show me where selfishness and hatred are reigning in my heart, let love and joy replace them. Let my repentance be true and reconciliation be perfect. Let no one stumble or fall because of my past or present sins in their lives. Conquer evil with love and darkness with light, let joy shrivel the roots of bitterness in my heart and theirs. Thank you for the love of your Son who has overcome the world through his faithfulness. May I look exactly like him, that he may be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. Bless my enemies more than you’ve blessed me, more than I can ask or imagine. Forgive me as I forgive them. In the name of my greatest enemy who through his love and sacrifice became my greatest and nearest friend, amen.

Babies in Heaven - Hope in the Death of a Baby

This is a chapter from an upcoming book, Hope in the Death of a Baby: A Deeper Dive Into What the Bible Says About Pregnancy and Infant Loss.

Babies in Heaven

Your child is not dead, but only fallen asleep in the lap of Jesus. He has taken the little one from the storms of this world into the quiet nursery of the Heavenly Paradise. ~ George Whitefield

Isaiah 11 describes the new heavens and the new earth after the kingdom of the Christ is established. This chapter is where we get the idea that the lion will lie down with the lamb. In the new creation, we have wonderful promises that wolves will not devour lambs, that panthers will be friendly to young goats, that lions shall return to their vegetarian diet. Ultimately there will be peace all around.

The picture is of a restored paradise, and while some readers think this is figurative language, I believe it is literal. One reason I read it literally is because when it talks about babies and infants, it doesn’t use abstract language like, “Children could tend lions…” or “Babies could play with cobras.” It uses concrete language,

a little child shall lead them. ~ Isaiah 11:6

and

the nursing child shall play over the hole of the cobra, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the adder’s den. ~ Isaiah 11:8

These little ones shall be in the new heaven and the new earth. They shall lead and play.

Heaven is a Nursery

Concerning these and other verses, many authors have described heaven as a nursery. While some have said that heaven has a nursery, many have observed that it is more accurate that heaven is a nursery. Jesus said “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 19:14, emphasis mine). He also said, “Do not despise one of these little ones, for I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 18:10).

The number of babies who have been lost and carried to heaven is staggering, and while Jesus was most likely speaking of the faith of children that lay hold of the kingdom (Matthew 18:3), he also may very well have been speaking of the sheer numbers of babies who inhabit heaven.

Notice that there are three types of infants mentioned in Isaiah 11 who indwell the new creation, 1) a small child, 2) a nursing infant, and 3) a weaned child.

Do Babies Grow in Heaven?

I know there are many babies in heaven, but a question that I cannot answer is whether babies grow in heaven. I suspect–based solely on God’s will for growth (Ephesians 4:13, 1 Thessalonians 4:3)–that they will grow up. But there is something sweet and longing in my soul for perpetual babies who have that wonderful dazzling continuing exploration and joy for all eternity.

Thomas Chalmers doesn’t shed much light on a final answer, but he seemed to likewise long for that growth,

A child who dies in infancy is but transplanted to a grander nursery, where the instruction is perfect and the growth is everlasting.

Perhaps we will all have that childlike wonder in growing in heaven, as Abraham Lincoln observed,

Surely God would not have created such a being as man, with the ability to grasp the infinite, to exist only for a day! No, no, man was made for immortality.

I have been asked by several grieving mothers if they will be able to nurse their babies in heaven. Beloved, I can’t think of a better person to ensure that the nursing baby is nourished than its mother. But it comes with one caveat: you have to be a citizen of that new creation yourself. So, pay close attention to yourself and Christ, ensure you’re trusting fully in him and his atoning work, and then I suspect there will be a great number of babies who need your loving touch and nourishment.

It is both a horrible fact of sinful life and a wonderous fact of eternal glory that there will be so many babies who were “born into heaven,” as Ashley Opliger said of her daughter who stepped straight from her womb into the throne room of grace. Heaven is a nursery of little ones beholding their Saviour. It is horrible that they did not get to grow up, but it is glorious that the first face they saw was the face of God.

Safe in the Arms of Jesus

Fanny Crosby, blind from infancy, said,

Do you know that if at birth I had been able to make one petition to my Creator, that it would have been that I should be born blind? Because when I get to heaven, the first face that shall ever gladden my sight will be that of my Saviour.

Because of that statement, when I comfort a grieving family whose child died before birth, I often say,

If your baby could send us a message from heaven it might sound something like this:

I so looked forward to meeting you,
Of seeing your face and feeling your touch,
But the first face I saw was the face of God!
His embrace is tender and strong.

I cannot come to you, but you may come to me,
Our creator has loved us and made a way
And we may yet meet.

Your little baby,
Safe in the arms of Jesus

The safety and security of heaven is assured. Isaiah speaks again of the new heavens and the new earth and makes this promise:

No more shall there be in it an infant who lives but a few days… ~ Isaiah 65:20

But for now, many an infant has lived but a few days. It helps us to look forward to a time of eternal safety and rest. Fanny Crosby who penned the words to Safe in the Arms of Jesus after the loss of her own daughter and in expectation of heaven,

Safe in the arms of Jesus,
Safe from corroding care,
Safe from the world’s temptations,
Sins cannot harm me there,

Free from the blight of sorrow,
Free from my doubts and fears;
Only a few more trials,
Only a few more tears.

On earth we sing the lullaby, “Hush little baby, don’t you cry; Papa’s going to sing you a lullaby,” in which the father purchases the baby a mockingbird, a billy goat, a dog named rover, and a horse. In heaven we get to add cobra, adder, lion, and any other dangerous animal you want, maybe a tyrannosaurus rex or a Harpy eagle, etc. I’m not a hymn or lullaby writer, but maybe in heaven we’ll sing,

Hush little baby, don’t you cry,
daddy’s gonna sing you a heavenly lullaby.

Hush little baby just so you’re aware,
My first present to you is a friendly grizzly bear.

Hush little baby, make no mistake,
don’t forget to walk your rattlesnake.

And while we’re singing this chorus,
why don’t we go saddle your stegosaurus?

And after you’re done patting its head,
our Komodo Dragon can nap in your bed.

And through it all my sweet little one,
we’re going to worship God’s own Son.

Tears in Heaven

It has been erroneously stated that there are no tears in heaven. It is nearly accurate, but it misses the heart and love of God. Mourning is not a sin: we see Jesus weeping on earth over the death of his friend Lazarus (John 11:35), and we are encouraged not to mourn as those who have no hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13). Mourning and weeping abound on earth.

But in heaven we see three places where Jesus wipes away tears (Isaiah 25:8, Revelation 7:17, 21:4), implying that there are tears in heaven. Psalm 56:8 says that God has kept your tears in his bottle, both your tossings and weeping have been recorded in his book.

Why are there tears? Probably for all of the reasons there are tears on earth; some are tears of joy at seeing Jesus face-to-face, others are tears of gratitude, some may be tears of thankful mourning and gratitude at seeing the scars on the Lamb of God who loved us and died for us. And likely some are tears of sorrow for knowing that such suffering still exists on earth, and especially when our beloved are still enduring the suffering of earth. Others are tears of mourning the people we expected or hoped to see in heaven who are not there. Maybe other tears of mourning are for people we knew wouldn’t meet us in heaven, but now they’re confirmed.

Whatever the reason for tears and mourning, the rest of Revelation 7:17 and 21:4 tell us this is the end of death, mourning, crying, and pain.

Conclusion

The God who holds our infants in the nursery of heaven is the same God who dries every eye and who opened the gates of heaven to every one who will put their faith in him. Christ promised that heaven belongs to children, and he died to ensure his promises are fulfilled.

'Twas love that lived, 'twas love that died,
With endless life to bless us;
Well hast Thou won Thy blood-bought Bride,
Worthy art Thou, Lord Jesus! ~ William Dickinson

Is My Baby An Angel - Hope in the Death of a Baby

 This is a chapter from an upcoming book, Hope in the Death of a Baby: A Deeper Dive Into What the Bible Says About Pregnancy and Infant Loss.

Is My Baby An Angel?

They are not set in the back part of heaven, but they are brought nigh by the blood of Christ... They are not merely as the angels, but they are part of the body of Christ, His chosen ones, who shall sing the song of Moses and the Lamb. ~ Charles Spurgeon

“Heaven gained another angel,” goes the saying, “Another angel gained its wings.” It’s a nice sentiment, but is it accurate? The idea that babies become angels comes from a few different places.

For some it is just hopeful thinking based on popular culture. Others have seen the cute little cherubs from Renaissance paintings invented to look like human infants. Some religions, like Mormonism, Swedenborgianism, and various Gnostic sects have taught that there is an evolution from man to angel to deity. Others have read Jesus’ statement that in heaven the angels of children always behold the face of God, and interpret it to believe a baby becomes an angel in heaven. Let’s look at this relationship between babies, angels, and God.

Angels Are Created Beings

First, the idea that angels were once men and will soon be gods is easy to refute. Psalm 148 looks at the creation event and it explicitly says that God commanded angels to be created, and they were created (Psalm 148:2,5). On the rare chance that I meet someone who thinks they are God or a little god with creation powers, I have held out a hand full of nothing and said, “If you are God, please command an angel to be created.” It’s an easy divinity test, if you can’t create an angel out of thin air, then you are not God (Compare John 1:3).

About one of the chief angels, God said, “You were blameless in all your ways, from the day you were created…” (Ezekiel 28:15). Angels are created, they do not evolve; they have not transformed from human to cherub, they were created whole and complete.

Some of those angels fell and sinned against heaven, such as the angel described in Ezekiel 28,

...until unrighteousness was found in you. In the abundance of your trade you were filled with violence in your midst, and you sinned; so I cast you as a profane thing from the mountain of God, and I destroyed you, O guardian cherub… ~ Ezekiel 28:15-16

A search of biblical angels shows all male angels, no female angels, and no baby angels. One of the most common references to angels in the Bible is as guardians, guarding the Garden of Eden (Genesis 1:24), heaven (Ezekiel 28:16), but most importantly, people.

Guardian Angels

Angels are ministering spirits (Hebrews 1:14). We see this after Jesus was tempted by the devil and the angels were ministering to him (Mark 1:13). Jesus is also clear that babies have angels assigned to them (Matthew 18:10), as do all of his saints who are to inherit eternal life (Compare Psalm 91:11 and Psalm 34:7). We might think that if we have a guardian angel or a team of angels, that nothing bad could ever happen to us. After all, angels are terrifying and powerful (Compare Matthew 28:2-4, 2 Kings 19:35, Revelation 10:1-3).

So it would be nice if they kept us from all harm; but their job is not to keep us safe, it’s to ensure we reach heaven (Hebrews 1:14), and they’ll never lose a single soul destined for heaven because Jesus won’t let them (John 10:28-29). The Bible doesn’t say that Job had a guardian angel, but we see that God allowed fallen angels to attack him with limitations (Job 1:12, 2:6). In Revelation 13:7-8,12 all authority is given to the servants of antichrist to wage war on the saints. We should not expect that God’s angels are withdrawn at this point, but that they will double-down on their duties to ensure all of God’s saints reach repentance (2 Peter 3:9). We are invincible until God says otherwise, for God has appointed a day and a way for us to enter into glory (Revelation 13:10, Hebrews 9:27).

Therefore, if something bad has happened to you or someone you love, it is not because God was surprised or his angels were overpowered, but because he is working a perfect plan of redemption written from the foundation of the earth.

One of the worst things that happened to human beings was that they also fell, yet in their fall, we see the most important difference between humans and angels.

The Human Redeemer

The saying is trustworthy and deserving of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am foremost/chief (1 Timothy 1:15). There is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus… (1 Timothy 2:5). Jesus came to live and die to save a very specific people:

Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, [Jesus] himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery. For surely it is not angels that he helps, but he helps the off-spring of Abraham. Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. ~ Hebrews 2:14-17, emphasis mine

Jesus put on human flesh and blood so that he could die for humans, for there is no forgiveness of sins without the shedding of blood (Hebrews 9:22). Angels have no Saviour, they are either elect (1 Timothy 5:21) in no need of forgiveness, or they are demons prepared for torment (Matthew 25:41) with no hope of forgiveness. If a human being were to become an angel, there would be nothing to gain, and actually much to be lost.

Angels are Christ's servants, but the saints are His members. Christ never took upon Him the nature of angels, but the nature of man; and thus, those little ones gathered into His bosom are knit to Him in a union that angels themselves do not share. ~ Matthew Henry

Angels long to look into this redemptive power and saving relationship that mankind enjoys with God through Christ and his Spirit (1 Peter 1:12). But, for the elect angels there is no redemption required and for fallen angels there is no redemption available.

While it doesn’t feel like it now, it is far superior to remain a human being when we get to heaven, for then we will be perfected to look like the perfect Son of Man (Jesus’ most used title for himself).

Made Lower Than the Angels

All angels are magnificent, even in their fallen state. Because they are physically closer to God than humans are, such as directly in the throne room of God, we think they are the highest form of creation. Their nearness to the throne of grace literally and figuratively sets them alight to reflect the glory of God (see Isaiah 6:2). All angels are cherubs with the plural being cherubim; some cherubim are called “seraph” (also spelled tsaraph), with the plural being seraphim, which means blazing ones.

Because of their magnificence the elect angels can easily be mistaken for deity (Revelation 19:10, Revelation 22:8-9), and fallen angels still lead people astray by masquerading as servants of righteousness and angels of light (2 Corinthians 11:13-15).

It's no wonder then that Psalm 8:5 says that mankind was made lower than the angels. But, Hebrews 2:7-9 clarifies that this subjugation was only for “a little while,” indicating that mankind or a single man will be exalted above the angels someday. This was primarily fulfilled in the man Jesus Christ.

Some erroneous beliefs would declare that Jesus was an angel from eternity past (some say created, some say uncreated), but the scriptures are clear that he never was an angel, nor did he become an angel. Rather,

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made… And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. ~ John 1:1-3,14

While he is the preeminent human being, crowned with glory and honor and risen and reigning over all creation, he is not the only one who has been raised above angels. Paul asked a question that he seems to intend as rhetorical, which completely rocked my world, “Do you not know that we are to judge angels?” (1 Corinthians 6:3). Smarter men than I have pointed out that the word used for judge means both the condemnation of fallen angels, and an exalted state of dominion over the elect angels.

In only one sense will we be made equal to the angels: that in heaven we cannot die (Luke 20:36). But even in this equality it is far better to be a human. For a human being on earth has a perishable body; we know what it is to be frail and vulnerable and to taste the bitterness of sin, suffering, and death, so it will be oh so sweet when we put off this perishable body and put on an immortal imperishable body (1 Corinthians 15:50-54).

I feel bad for angels; they have perfect bodies without knowing the glory of a redeemed body. Their body just works; they don’t understand the pain or suffering or destitution of a broken body that groans constantly for salvation (2 Corinthians 5:1-10) or has received it (1 John 3:1-3).

The Human Redemption Story

Babies in heaven, even those that don’t know their right hand from their left hand (Jonah 4:11), have a better understanding of suffering and redemption than angels, and will be imperishable reminders to angels of how amazing God’s grace truly is, since they are risen and reigning with their Saviour. Because of your sufferings, Christ is actively bringing you to glory, perfecting you through trials, and sanctifying you, not ashamed to call you brother or sister (Hebrews 2:10-11). This is another definition of Tsaraph, to be cleansed by fire, such as,

I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon my name, and I will answer them. I will say, “They are my people”; and they will say, “The Lord is my God.” ~ Zechariah 13:9 (emphasis mine to point out Tsaraph)

1 Peter 1:7 is the New Testament version using the Greek word Dokimazo as the refining fire,

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith–more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire–may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. (emphasis mine to point out Dokimazo)

Or as John Rippon said,

When through fiery trials thy pathways
     shall lie,
My grace all sufficient shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee, I only design,
thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

In this, his suffering is the key reason that Jesus was exalted higher than the angels, and why we will be exalted above angels as well, when we reach heaven’s joys!

In that superb old hymn, Holy, Holy, the Angels Sing, Johnson Oatman puts it this way,

Then the angels stand and listen,
for they cannot join that song,
Like the sound of many waters,
by that happy, blood-washed throng;
For they sing about great trials,
battles fought and vict’ries won,
And they praise the great Redeemer,
who hath said to them, “Well done.”

Holy, holy, is what the angels sing,
And I expect to help them make
the courts of heaven ring;
But when I sing redemption’s story,
they will fold their wings,
For angels never felt the joys
that our salvation brings.

I disagree with Oatman on one small point: he says we’ll help the angels to make heaven ring. I say the angels will help us. Heaven is for us, not for them!

The Dwelling Place of God

While the Bible describes multitudes of angels in heaven, their abode is not the purpose of heaven. “The dwelling place of God is with men” (Revelation 21:3). Angels serve important functions in heaven (and the new creation) as guards (Hebrews 12:22-23), transportation (Matthew 24:31), bouncers (Matthew 13:41), music (Isaiah 6:3, Revelation 4:8, 8:6), heralds (Luke 2:10), and ministering spirits to take care of God’s elect (Hebrews 1:14, Matthew 4:11). But heaven is not prepared for them.

Jesus told his disciples, “I go to prepare a place for you” (John 14:2-3, compare Matthew 25:34, 1 Corinthians 2:9, Hebrews 11:16, Revelation 21:2), emphasizing that heaven is a prepared place for a prepared people. In another sense the Spirit of Christ dwells in you right now (if you’ve been born again), a privilege that no angel can even fathom.

Certainly, angels will enjoy their place in heaven, but if given the option to be a human being or an angel in heaven, it is much better to be a redeemed, Spirit-indwelt, servant of the Lord than an angel.

In saying this, I am not blaspheming these glorious ones even one bit, they truly are magnificent, but their glory is dwarfed by the glory to be revealed even in the tiniest and least of saints in heaven. I think where angels really miss out is while we’re still here on earth.

The Limitations of Angels

Has an angel ever led anyone to Christ? Has a child? Psalm 8 further speaks of God establishing his strength through the voices of babies and infants (compare Matthew 21:16).

Some of my dearest friends sought the Lord after the death of a child, others were saved at memorial services for babies who died. Abel, though not a child, sets the precedent that even though someone has died, they may still speak (Hebrews 11:4). A child who died having never uttered a word can still point people to the creation, love, and redemption of the Saviour.

Other parents have followed their children into church and into the faith. Naaman’s entire journey to glory started when a little servant girl pointed him to salvation (2 Kings 5:3, see also Naaman's Servant Girl - Seeking the Cure, Finding the Christ).

Angels can’t do several wonderful things that we can do, namely about being fruitful. Jesus is clear that angels don’t marry, and by extension don’t have babies (Matthew 22:30). Angels will rejoice when sinners come to repentance (Luke 15:10), but they don’t get to lead anyone to repentance.  While 1 Timothy 1:2, Titus 1:4, 3 John 4 speak of men who became spiritual fathers, angels will never be blessed to lead anyone to Christ or disciple them in the faith.

Christian, you are called to do the work of an evangelist; the joy of leading people to the foot of a blood stained cross and calling them to repentance. An angel can only dream of that privilege.

Conclusion

Your baby in heaven is still a real, human child, perfected and redeemed; transformed to mirror the image of Jesus Christ. As exciting as it sounds to have wings, a voice like a roaring lion, and be perpetually blazing in God’s glory, it is far better to have a saving relationship with Jesus Christ, to speak for heaven, and to dwell with him for eternity.

Your child did not become an angel. Angels are a completely different order of created beings. Your child is something far better: a glorified human soul, perfected in the likeness of Christ, reigning in a place of honor that angels can only look upon with wonder. ~ John MacArthur

Divorce is Not Your Saviour: A Refutation of Russell Moore

Is divorce the savior from danger and unhappiness? Russell Moore and his followers think so.

Introduction

Dr. Moore wrote an article in 2022 for Christianity Today titled Divorcing an Abusive Spouse is Not a Sin: Not only is it morally justified, it also aligns with Christ’s heart for the vulnerable. You might be wondering why I’m writing a refutation in 2026…the answer is simple, I didn’t see the article in 2022 and Christianity Today recently re-pushed it and it garnered quite a bit of interaction on social media. The first time I’d seen the article was in 2026, but I’ve heard the arguments from others for years and have refuted them numerous times in the counseling room. Now that I have a target, I’m publishing my refutation here in order to hopefully help someone draw near to Christ and hate the works of the evil one.

If you’ve followed Russell Moore for any length of time, you know he hates Jesus and his Word and is doing everything he can to tear down goodness and mercy and leave destruction in his wake. If you haven’t heard of Russell Moore, a brief internet search or a deeper dive into Allie Beth Stuckey’s Shepherds for Sale will help you understand. Even still, he has a massive following of people sporting dyed hair and spouting venomous vitriol putting up with him and championing him. He sneaks into households and captures weak women who are burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, and he has multitudes with itching ears flocking to him. If there is any consolation, it’s that God promises that he won’t get very far, and his folly will be plain to all. But though he won’t get far, he is getting somewhere, and he’s hurting people and blaspheming Christ.

A Hard Heart

In his article (I debated linking to it, but I don’t want to make it easy for anyone to sin, a brief internet search on the title will bring it up), Moore starts out quite strong, pointing out that divorce is a “concession to hardheartedness, not as God’s plan for marriage.” Lou Priolo, an excellent marriage counselor now in glory, would say that the only prerequisite for divorce is a hard heart. Unfortunately, Moore doesn’t spend any time on what hardheartedness does to a person. He misses or ignores that hard heartedness will blind eyes, dull hope, and chill love, ultimately cutting off relationships not just with people (Zechariah 7:9-10), but with God (Proverbs 28:14).

Divorce, because of this hardheartedness, needs to be hated with the anger equivalent to God’s hatred, understanding that God sees it as an act of violence and faithlessness, God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). A hard heart leaves desolation in its path (Zechariah 7:12-14). Russell Moore should hate divorce. Christians hate divorce. If you love God, you have to hate this evil (Romans 12:9). We’ve said for years,

Marriage is hard, divorce is hard. Choose your hard.

And

Marriage is blessed by God, divorce is hated by God; do you want to be blessed or cursed? Make your decision wisely.

Considering Abuse

Bear with me as I take a brief detour to address abuse. If you’re in a place of dangerous abuse, God is ready and willing to give you wisdom generously and without criticizing (James 1:5). You might say, “I don’t need wisdom, I need a divorce.” A divorce is a horrible savior; it makes all the promises and will fulfill none of them. It seems right, but its end is death (Proverbs 14:11-12, 16:24-25). Seek godly counsel. Pray unceasingly, read your Bible, understand what it says, and put it into action.

One of the shortest and yet most powerful prayers says, “Lord, if there is no purpose in this, take it away.” It’s based on Romans 8:28-29 and it recognizes that God has put you where you are, in the relationship you’re in, for a reason; for all of the things I can be in your spouse’s life, I cannot be their spouse. I can’t pray for them as God’s covenanted partner put in their life to seek their eternal wellbeing. I can help, but I can’t be their helpmeet custom designed by God for them.

Besides praying and reading your Bible, seek a godly pastor, ask a wise counselor, find a senior saint who has walked through decades of marriage fidelity or one who regrets their divorce with every fiber of their being. God wants you to thrive in life, love, and joy, and your faithfulness in this matter is his will for you to rejoice in, his Spirit is working unless you quench him (1 Thessalonians 5:17-19).

Divorce, for all of the reasons we hate it, is a sure way to extinguish the Spirit’s work in your life.

The people who wound you with their spiritual advice are likely the people who love you most, do not accumulate flatterers who will tell you only what you want to hear (Proverbs 27:6). God’s call is an upward call, and divorce is a downward regression that will only steal, kill, and destroy what God wants for you and your spouse.

If you're in violent abuse, we want it to stop. We need to get the right people involved. Our goal in both of your lives is perfect submission to the love and will of God in Christ Jesus. The strawman argument that comes to the forefront immediately is that this abuse will certainly end in death. Our immediate goal is that it doesn't, with our ultimate goal is that this relationship ends in life abundantly without regret. Love covers a multitude of sins. No-one is calling to let abuse continue or increase, and God is calling for repentance and life and growth and love.

He accepts us despite the way we are. He receives us only in Christ and for Christ's sake. Nor does he mean to leave us the way he found us, but to transform us into the likeness of his Son. ~ Sinclair Ferguson

If you're in a place of emotional abuse, we want it to stop. This is not easy, but we don't want anyone to be in such control of you that they can push you to consider self-harm or to question who you are in Christ. This is where the love of Christ constrains us; no matter what you're being told, you know who you are and who Christ is calling you to be. Remember, you can sit in absolute utter darkness and still have the light of Christ (Micah 7:8).

Paul calls the Christian to be hupernikomen, which translated is a hyper-winner, or more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37), a super-victor, someone who is so utterly convinced of Christ's love for them that they can face any foe with courage and grace.

No one is calling you to give up, and no one should be encouraging you to run from the fight; rather your fight is a spiritual battle for Christ's kingdom and the love of many. The very eternity of your spouse is at stake, and you are God's contender in the fight. If you won't pray and fight for and win this battle, who will?

Tearing Down Christianity with a False Christ

Back to the refutation: One of my main contentions with Russell Moore is that he is clearly drawing people who only like what he is saying about making divorce easy. In researching for this article I found multiple “open letters” from people lauding his efforts but upset that he is not going far enough to destroy marriage or make it easier to sin. No one is moving closer to Jesus because of his arguments. Multiple people tried to support Moore’s article to the effect of, “You’re totally right, that’s why I left the church and Christianity.” If actively helping people run from Jesus isn’t warning enough, look at the depths of the depravity of Russell Moore’s heart from the article,

What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. Yes and amen. But sometimes Jesus also would have us recognize that man should not force together what God has put asunder. ~ Russell Moore

Moore pulls the classic false teacher trick of quoting the Bible but using it to say exactly the opposite of what it means. He couldn’t be any more like Satan in that sentence using scripture to tempt the hearer to sin (confer Matthew 4:3-9). If someone says, “Jesus said…but”, you can know immediately that they are a false teacher. Moore does not give an example of when or where Jesus would have us recognize such an outlandish claim, he simply uses his false authority to contradict Jesus’ very clear command.

Leslie Vernick, another popular marriage hater, did the same thing when she definitively said, “God does not value the sanctity of marriage more than the safety and sanity of the people in it.” Despite her clearly acting the false prophet by speaking where God has not spoken, she ignores verses like, “Why are we in danger every hour?” and “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered” (1 Corinthians 15:30-31 and Romans 8:35). I’d like Russell Moore and Leslie Vernick to go to Nigeria tomorrow and tell our Nigerian brothers and sisters that God wants them to be safe. Christians won’t be hard to find, they’ve been gathering for months at funerals for Christians killed by terrorists.

God wants a lot of things in your life, but he does not have any interest in your being safe. If you are safe, or seek to make safety your life’s purpose, then chances are you are in great danger of meeting God as a Saviour scorned. There are many things worse than safety. Remember, even our own founders said things like, “Those who would give up essential liberty to purpose a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.”

Divorce for Any Cause (Hillel versus Shammai)

Russell Moore’s contention is that abuse is the same as abandonment, and therefore warrants divorce. This idea is almost identical to the original context of Jesus’ conversation with the Pharisees in Matthew 19:3, when they ask, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” (emphasis mine). There was a massive debate happening at that time between a rabbi (teacher) named Hillel and a rabbi named Shammai. Shammai held to the sanctity of marriage and defended it at all costs. Hillel on the other hand said that a man could divorce his wife for any cause, including burning dinner, being contentious, or outgrowing her youthful beauty. Jesus shows very clearly that Shammai had rightly interpreted the texts, and that God has brought the couple together and they are not to be separated (Matthew 19:4-6, Mark 10:5-9). In so doing, Jesus refutes the Hillel argument of any cause. Yet Moore, always learning and always unable to arrive at the truth, misses this historical context and adds his own any cause: abuse.

Where Russell Moore is to be most condemned (may God have mercy on his soul and may he be saved before he faces God after having stored up wrath for so many years) is that he never defines abuse. Hillel would define abuse as being a bad cook, or speaking to strangers in the street, or just being mean. So do so many of Moore’s followers. I’ve personally counseled a number of people who defined abuse as turning off credit cards in the wake of unwise and unfettered spending, of working late without a phone call or text, or of using the family’s only car to drive to work and leaving them at home. Two other counselors have told me that they’ve counseled wives who felt that their husband not cleaning up after themselves was abuse. And the most painful abuse case comes from the imagination of the accuser; things like, “They’ve never hit me, but I knew it was coming” or “I had a premonition” or “I can’t prove it, but I know it’s true.”

Imaginary abuse is especially deceitful, because it’s impossible to repent of something you’ve only committed in someone else’s imagination.

Abuse, aka any cause, is a very subjective term, even if it were grounds for divorce. You only need to look at the comments of Moore’s divorced followers to see that they have not sought the will of God in their lives (I’m adding Bible verses afterwards to refute them):

Called names (When reviled, we bless; when persecuted, we endure… ~ 1 Corinthians 4:12)

Required submission (Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord. ~ Ephesians 5:22)

Blamed for problems (This is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, on endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. ~ 1 Peter 2:19)

Created a loveless marriage (For one will scarcely die for a righteous person – though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die – but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. ~ Romans 5:6-8, and In this is love, not that we have loved God, but that he loved us… ~ 1 John 4:10)

Harsh words, anger, disrespect (Get behind me, Satan! ~ Matthew 16:23, Jesus to a member of his bride the church)

Breaking of the marriage vows (If we are faithless, he remains faithful… ~ 2 Timothy 2:13; your vows aren’t just to your spouse, they are between you and God)

The idea that "abuse of any kind is grounds for divorce" came up repeatedly, yet every single poster ignored that Jesus was willingly crucified by his bride to save his bride (Ephesians 5:25-26, Acts 2:36). Moore’s great failing, after rejecting everything Jesus said, is that he doesn’t define his terms and allows his audience to define his terms any way they want. Would he agree with them? He's never refuted them, but I hope he would.

Russell Moore is the modern-day Hillel, that any reason that a person can be offended is grounds for divorce. According to Moore and his followers, your happiness and preferences are God’s ultimate goal, and divorce is your savior. This ultimately helps people become the victim in their story, and it has been wisely stated that

When you make someone a victim, you cut them off from the gospel.

Moore is not just wrong on divorce, he’s wrong on salvation and eternity which are continually expressed in terms of a marriage covenant (Ephesians 5:25, 2 Corinthians 11:2, Revelation 19:9, etc.), and this will cost him and his hearers their souls.

Paul warned Timothy, “Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers” (1 Timothy 4:16). In playing fast and loose with the teaching, Moore is condemning both himself and his hearers, substituting a very poor savior in place of the Saviour who submitted himself to God’s will, suffered AND died, was abused, was demeaned, who hated the shame, but endured the cross for God’s will and glory, and is seated even now at the right hand of the Father, exalted and reigning, having won a bride for his own possession that he is actively sanctifying.

Repentance from Abuse

Moore’s next heinous failing is that he doesn’t consider repentance or forgiveness not once in his article. If and when abuse happens, for some reason Russell Moore has snipped “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8, Proverbs 10:12, Proverbs 17:9) straight out of his Bible (if he owns a Bible).

There is no view to reconciliation anywhere in Moore’s reasoning. He also doesn’t consider winning spouses (1 Corinthians 7:16) or serving them (1 Peter 3:1-2) or sacrificing for them (Ephesians 5:28-31) or making peace to be called sons of God (Matthew 5:9). He misses completely that the goal of marriage is to make both people holy, and love and patience are meant to lead people to repentance (Romans 2:4, 1 Peter 3:1-2)! We've said elsewhere that marriage is a competition in forgiveness. I hope I win, with the implication that'll I've have sinned less, hurt less, and loved more. But I'm sure my wife will win, and in that, we both win.

All of the vitriol from the disciples of Moore was based on offenses, never once considering, “Why not rather suffer wrong?” (1 Corinthians 6:7, or as Elizabeth Elliot said it, “Why not be wronged?”). For a crowd that attacks those that disagree with them for judging, they have no issue judging that their ex-spouses were unrepentant and would never change. They were sure they had married utter antichrists with no hope of redemption or growth. And why would they expect someone to be able to change?

Moore posits a false gospel of comfort and safety, not a gospel that transforms people, the very people that betrayed and crucified Jesus, into friends of God.

Moore’s Christianity has no room for the dead to live or the sinner to be saved, or Christ’s greatest enemies to even become members of the body that is his bride. Jesus said that if a person says “I repent,” you must forgive them (Luke 17:4, emphasis mine). He did not say test their repentance to be sure it is genuine, he did not say to set up your own requirements of repentance or sincerity, he did not say to keep a record of wrongs. Instead, 1 Corinthians 13 (all about love) says that love believes and hopes all things. How would you fare if Jesus forgot there was a 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible and treated you how you’ve treated him, or if he kept a record of your abuses against him?

The cure for Moore’s horrendous heresy is as simple as, “As you wish that others would do to you, do so to them” (Luke 6:31). A spouse that runs to preserve their life will lose their life. The bitterness, poverty, and family impact speaks for itself. Julie Ganschow has heard children say, "The death of a parent would have been easier than the divorce..." A spouse who stays and battles in prayer and love and hope is a spouse that will gain their life (Luke 17:33) and build up their household (Consider Proverbs 14:3-4, Proverbs 14:1, Ephesians 5:15-33). Stand for Jesus in the ways that he fought for his bride:

You’re never more like Jesus than when you’re loving and forgiving an unlovable spouse.

Who knows if God won’t save them? And truly there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous spouses who need no repentance. Regardless if God saves them or not, your suffering is never in vain (1 Corinthians 15:58), and is nothing in comparison to the glory that is to be revealed in and to us (Romans 8:18) when Christ returns or calls us home.

Conclusion

I’m not sure why I’m still so shocked when Russell Moore shows that he has been taken captive by the devil to do his will, but his blatant disregard of clear biblical commands continues to break my heart, and seeing so many men and women who have been made twice the sons and daughters of hell as himself continues to crush and burden me. Plenty of other teachers are trying to resurrect the heresy of Hillel and destroy marriage, but Moore is being especially loud.

Years ago, before he showed his true allegiance, Russell Moore spoke on Christian military members being embedded missionaries in a closed country, and my heart was knit to his for the wisdom of that statement and sermon. Perhaps that is why his apostasy has crushed my spirit so completely; he is my Demas (2 Timothy 4:10).

Russell Moore has shown here and repeatedly that he hates God, so it is no surprise that he hates God’s covenant of marriage. In making divorce easy, Moore is leading many on the broad road to destruction, encouraging them to take lightly the vows they made to each other and in the name of God. In teaching people to run away from minor offenses and to withhold forgiveness, he is cutting them off from forgiveness. It's not just a marriage that won't reach the 50-year anniversary, it's a sinner who will spend eternity in hell. Russell Moore doesn’t just hate God and marriage, he hates you and wants you to be cut off from life and hope and peace and Jesus. He’s not saying it quite that clearly, but his constant attack on God’s Word while teaching you to doubt and rebel against the true Saviour proves that there is no love in his heart for God or neighbor.

If the greatest danger to your soul is pain and discomfort, then divorce is a viable savior. But if your greatest need is to know God, be conformed to Jesus Christ, and to love your neighbors, then we learn to hate divorce as we hold fast to the good. In teaching you to hear the Words of Christ and to do exactly the opposite, Moore is encouraging people to build their lives and eternities on a foundation that will collapse, and great will be their fall. In teaching them that marriage can be broken for a burned dinner, an unkind word, or any other cause (regardless of how dangerous it is), he is denying the faithfulness of Jesus Christ.

It is all a massive and disastrous false gospel yet many are following it to their destruction.

We’ve called it Christianity Astray for so many years and they’re going from bad to worse. Pray with me that God will grant Moore and his followers repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth.

Beloved, don’t take my word for it, study God’s Word and consider how Jesus loves his bride, and how his covenant and promises will never fail. What therefore God has joined together, let not Hillel or Moore or you or any other person separate. Soften your heart, look to Jesus, the perfect bridegroom, and imitate him in how he loves his wayward and abusive beloved, his is a gospel of peace in the midst of the storm, and he is the bridegroom able to deck you in garments of salvation (Isaiah 61:10). He is your only hope for life and peace and an eternity with God.

Salutations

Reader, if you're contemplating divorce or regretting divorce, know that if you confess your sin, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). Find someone who will stand on the truths of the Bible to help you work through your confession and repentance. But above all, look to Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith.

Abuser (for lack of a better title), if you're reading this trying to figure out how to manipulate your partner back, know that your only hope is to humble yourself and seek the Lord. He is the only one that can change your heart and make your spouse trust you again. Jesus said of the very people crucifying him, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do" (Luke 23:34), seek his forgiveness and righteousness first, for only then will all things be added to you (Matthew 6:33). Seek a godly counselor and do your best to make reconciliation easy for your spouse.

Counselor and Counsel, know that your advice will require an account on Judgment Day, and when Jesus said, "What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate," he was talking to you as well as the Pharisees. Pray and consider what God wants you to do, and ensure you can honestly say you're trying to pray, "Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven," with everything you say and do.

Dr. Moore, you’re in my prayers, and I implore you, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, be reconciled to God.

in Christ's service and yours,
Canyon