This post is a chapter from the book, Hope in the Loss of a Baby: A Deeper Dive into what the Bible says about Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death, which is the culmination of much study, counseling, and sermons shared over twenty years. Since this book was meant to bless the church I am also making it available on this blog.
To suffer in the soul while doing the will of God is the deepest trial a servant can bear. ~ Matthew Henry
Jeremiah’s ministry was hard. He is rightly known as the
weeping prophet. It's hard to understand how much Jeremiah suffered and for
what purpose, which is why I didn’t lead with his story. But, his life is in
the Bible and speaks to our subject, so we are privileged to spend some time
with him. It’s hard, but herein there is great edification, planting, and
blessing.
Let’s start with his calling. God appointed Jeremiah to be a
messenger with a stated ministry to pluck up, break down, destroy, overthrow,
build, and plant (Jeremiah 1:10), but the vast majority of his ministry while
he was alive was devoid of building or planting. He was set free for the good
of his nation (Jeremiah 15:11), yet during his life very little happened for
the good of his people.
The ministry he was accomplishing was not readily apparent
to his eyes or ears. It was the perfect storm for a mournful prophet. Did God
lie to Jeremiah? No, God was just operating on a different time scale; God
fulfilled the building and planting portion of Jeremiah’s ministry after his
death, as multitudes have been blessed by his writings in the last
two-and-a-half millennia. There is a hint of this in his calling,
Before I formed you in the
womb I knew you,
and before you were born I
consecrated you;
I appointed you a prophet to the nations. ~
Jeremiah 1:5
His call was from the womb, and it was to the nations. But
in his life, he only went to Judah. Chances are high that as you’re reading
this, you’re not a Judean but rather from the nations. As Peter said, Jeremiah
was not serving himself, but you (1 Peter 1:12).
When Bitterness Sneaks In
During his ministry Jeremiah was beaten, despised, rejected,
slandered, and carried off to die in a foreign land. Sometimes prophets see
revival, sometimes they have friends, sometimes they feel like they
accomplished much in their ministries. Jeremiah had no such blessing while on
earth.
Jeremiah starts wrestling with God immediately, even when he
was called, “Ah, Lord God! Behold, I do not know how to
speak, for I am only a youth!” (Jeremiah 1:6). His petulance grows as he hoped
for a lot more planting & building and a lot less violence &
destruction. He goes through a terrible trial with one of the priests who
arrests him, beats him, and ridicules him (Jeremiah 20:1–2). After pronouncing
a curse on the priest and destruction on Judah, he points his anger skyward,
O Lord, you have deceived me, and I was deceived; you are stronger than I, and you have prevailed! ~ Jeremiah 20:7
I mentioned earlier that the sin of bitterness is saying
that God is doing things wrong or has done things wrong. It’s similar to the
sin of worry, which is questioning whether God is going to do what’s right; bitterness
is much worse than worrying because it casts judgment on God rather than just
doubt (but don’t negate the heinousness of doubt). In Job’s story, God asked
Job, “Will you condemn me that you may be in the right?” (Job 40:8), showing
that Job had cast judgment on God by his own standard.
Jeremiah is tiptoeing on the edge of bitterness, still
wrestling with whether or not what God is doing is right in his eyes, but we
know that whatever God ordains is right.
Nebuchadnezzar, after spending seven years out of his mind
and then being humbled and restored, said, “None can stay his hand or say to
him, ‘What have you done?’” (Daniel 4:35). God’s ways are always right, even
when we can’t see what he’s doing and especially if we disagree.
Jeremiah’s first use of raw language to express himself is
telling,
Woe is me, my mother, that you bore me! A man of strife and contention to the whole land. ~ Jeremiah 15:10
Notice here that he is calling down a woe, a funeral dirge,
on himself that he would have rather not been born than become a prophet. He
resorts to full blown bitterness by Jeremiah 20:14–18, calling down curses on
his birthday and the man who brought tidings of his birth to his father, and
wishing he had been murdered in the womb. Remember, his consecration as a
prophet was from before his birth (Jeremiah 1:5), so his cursing of his
birthday is not just a lament, but shaking his fist at God.
Other prophets, like Elijah (1 Kings 19:4) and Jonah (Jonah
4:3), would rather die than continue to serve God. We know that their requests
were not right for at least two reasons; first, God doesn’t answer their
prayers, and second, they are used for much good later in their lives and
ministries.
That doesn’t change the fact that bitterness, anger, and
despair overcame them for part of their life. Jeremiah’s despair expressed
itself in wishing he’d never been born rather than obey the call of God and
face the pain of his tribulations. We know that Jesus promised us trials,
tribulations, and temptations, yet we still act surprised when they come upon
us as though something strange were happening to us (1 Peter 4:12).
Chances are high that you’ve experienced bitterness in your
life, especially if you’ve experienced the extreme wound of the loss of a
child. We’ll look at Rachel’s weeping in a future chapter, but there have been
innumerable times of weeping, despair, and unquenchable anger poured out
towards God for the seeming unfairness of his decisions.
Myriads of parents have walked out of the hospital or
doctor’s office to realize their new car seat will not be used, or arrived home
to a freshly painted nursery feeling that not only was their effort seemingly
wasted, but more-so that they feel betrayed by God who took away their gift
before they’d even received it. One young mother who lost multiple babies said,
“I was supposed to walk out of the hospital with my babies in my arms. It’s not
right to walk out with empty hands.”
Jenny Marx—wife of Karl Marx, the man whose philosophy has
led to untold suffering and death including the malnutrition deaths of four of
his own children—lived in constant bitterness and anguish and according to her
husband wished every day that she and her children were safely in their graves.
In the midst of such suffering and bitterness, death seems like a release.
The only time that it would be better if you had never been
born is if you’ll die without Christ and face the wrath of God. In this case,
Jesus himself tells us it would have been better if Judas Iscariot had not been
born (Matthew 26:24, Mark 14:21). If
you’re reading this now and you don’t know Christ, it’s too late for you to never
be born! But it’s not too late for you to be born again. You must seek him
while he may be found! I implore you to be reconciled to God today. Read the
chapter on “How Do Babies Get to Heaven?” and the last chapter on “Mary’s
Promise” and don’t go to sleep until you’ve found forgiveness (Proverbs 6:4–5,
Psalm 132:4–5).
No matter how hard your life is, cursing your birth and
lamenting your life leads only to resentment and defilement, leading to an
exponentially more difficult life and eternity.
The true cure to life’s trials is the hope of God’s
faithfulness in every circumstance. Let’s look at an example from the
scriptures.
Paul’s Joy
The Apostle Paul was similarly set apart from before birth
to go to the nations (Galatians 1:15–16), and he faced similar persecutions as
Jeremiah. He was rejected, beaten, slandered, imprisoned, and yet he was
adamant that what had happened to him had provided a blessing,
I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel... ~ Philippians 1:12
He would go on to say that his hope was to honor Christ
whether by life or by death (Philippians 1:20), and that “to live is Christ,
and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21).
W. A. Criswell gave me an idea about how dying could
possibly be gain; the idea is his but the words are mine:
If to
live is possessions, then to die is loss.
If to live is friendship, then to die is loss.
If to live is old age, then to die is loss.
If to live is money, then to die is loss.
If to live is parent, then to die is loss.
If to live is family, then to die is loss.
If to live is travel, then to die is loss.
If to live is fame, then to die is loss.
If to live is sex, then to die is loss.
But if to live is Christ, then to die is gain.
This leads to one of the hardest questions Jeremiah brings
up, or that perhaps anyone could ask: Is it better to die as a baby and go
straight to heaven, or to live a short time on the earth and glorify God in your
life and death?
Paul goes on, “If I am to live in the flesh, that means
fruitful labor for me…to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account”
(Philippians 1:22,24). Peter mirrored the thought at the end of his life, “I
think it is right, as long as I am in this body, to stir you up…” (2 Peter
1:13).
Paul’s sincere desire was to depart and be with Christ, but
he knew that for the time God had allotted to him, he wanted to make as many
disciples as he could, and strengthen them in the truth. Elsewhere he said that
God had called us by his grace and created us for good works, which God
prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them (Ephesians 2:10). I hope you
see the implications that God knew you just as much as he knew Jeremiah and
Paul before your birth (compare Psalm 139:13–16). He has a plan and a purpose
for your life and your suffering.
We long for the peace of heaven, but as long as God sustains
us and Christ tarries, we walk in joy and not disdain for the ministry he has
given us. Sorrow, tears, mourning, and weeping may linger for the night, but
joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5).
Beauty From Ashes
If there is comfort in Jeremiah’s bitterness, it’s that he
still knew that it was not condemnation to die in the womb. He, Elijah, and
Jonah may have prayed imprecations on themselves, but they did not wish to be
cut off from God or face his anger or wrath forever. Jeremiah shows us that
whatever God ordains is right, even when it is extremely painful in the moment
(compare Hebrews 12:10–11). He is bringing beauty from ashes, joy out of
mourning, dancing from wailing, life from death, love from hatred, and gardens
out of deserts.
I hope Jeremiah knows today how much his book has meant to
me and to so many others. I am sure he wouldn’t change a thing about his life
now that he’s seen how God has used it. While I’m sad for how he suffered, I’m
exceedingly thankful that God had him walk this path so that we can see his
temptation towards bitterness. Even God’s most faithful prophets faced this
temptation. Jeremiah, in his exceedingly great trials, truly paved the way to
understand that the joy and glory to be revealed in heaven is nothing in
comparison to the sufferings of the present time (Romans 8:18).
Samuel Rodigast wrote the hymn, Whatever My God Ordains Is
Right. It reminds us that God has a hope and a future for us, and that his
plans are perfect, even when we can’t see what he’s doing, and even when we
may, like Jeremiah, desire to accuse God in our circumstances,
Whate’er
my God ordains is right:
he never will deceive me;
He leads me by the proper path;
I know he will not leave me.
I take, content, what he hath sent:
his hand can turn my griefs away,
and patiently I wait his day.
Whate’er
my God ordains is right:
here shall my stand be taken;
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
yet I am not forsaken.
My father’s care is round me there;
he holds me that I shall not fall:
and so to him I leave it all.
How can God say that our suffering is meant for good and how
can Jeremiah’s words be used to plant and build? It’s because God intends for
our highest and best good to be in heaven, and for his power to be magnified in
weakness, pain, and calamities (2 Corinthians 12:10).
Jeremiah was driven to despair in his day, but since then
God has used him to plant and build beyond anything he could have hoped for or
imagined. If Jeremiah could have looked forward (1 Peter 1:12) to the glory
that God was going to receive and display in his ministry, I believe he would
have wholeheartedly endured the suffering for the joy set before him (compare
Hebrews 12:1–2).
If you trust Christ, it is very good that you have been
born, and I’d encourage you to stay and minister for as long as God gives you
breath. If you think that there is no other work for you to do, I say that as
long as Christ leaves you on earth, there is someone to pray for, someone to
encourage, someone to comfort, someone to exhort. When I speak in the
counseling room I often say,
As long
as your heart is still beating,
As long as your lungs are still breathing,
As long as your brain is still waving,
Christ is not through with you.
If those three things are still happening within your body,
then no matter how difficult your day, week, month, year, or life is going, you
can pray with Micah,
Rejoice
not over me, O my enemy;
when I fall, I shall rise;
when I sit in darkness,
the Lord shall be a light to me. ~
Micah 7:8
If you don’t have the strength to go on, consider this poem
from Annie Flint. Make it your prayer today, but whatever you do, remember that
what God ordains is right, and he’s doing a work in and through you that you
cannot fully comprehend. Certainly, once you’ve reached heaven, you wouldn’t
want to change a thing.
He
giveth more grace when the burdens grow
greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.
When we
have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.
Fear
not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.
His love has no limits,
His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again. ~
Annie J Flint
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