Mary's Promise - Hope in the Loss of a Baby

This is an excerpt from an upcoming book, Hope in the Loss of a Baby: A Deeper Dive into what the Bible says about Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death.

Mary’s Promise

Ships without a pilot, cities without watchmen, babes without a nurse, are we without Jesus. ~ Charles Spurgeon

As we come to the end of this study of God’s Word and the redemption of babies who have died and of all things (Colossians 1:20), I want to make sure we see that this was God’s plan from the beginning. Paul, undergoing his own spiritual trial, wrote to the church in Thessaly,

Let no one be moved by these afflictions. For you yourselves know that we are destined for this. ~ 1 Thessalonians 3:3

Suffering is part of God’s plan and he is a master craftsman in using it for our growth, despite how painful it is for a moment. In this chapter we’ll see that God not only allowed Mary to suffer immensely, but that it was promised to her thirty and more years in advance. Your afflictions are also guided and perfected in the hand of the Father even when that is hard to admit. This God—his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him (Psalm 18:30). He is either in charge of our suffering, or he is not. He is absolute or he is obsolete.

When an infant dies, do we really want to say, ‘It was not the will of God’? Do we want to say that God was caught off guard, or that Satan was more powerful than God in that nursery, or that some virus had the final word over the Almighty?... If God is not in charge of death, then He cannot guarantee life. . . As agonizing as it is, we find comfort not by diminishing God’s sovereignty, but by resting in it—knowing that the same sovereign hand that permitted the tragedy is the sovereign hand that cradles that child in mercy. ~ John Piper

While it may be shrouded in grief, his purposes are clear. He is working one singular purpose from the beginning of history until now, and no one, not Satan, not you, not the entirety of creation can thwart his plans.

Saved Through Childbirth

From the very beginning of the redemption story, we see a longing for a Messiah. Eve—promised a seed that would crush Satan’s head (Genesis 3:15)—rejoiced when her firstborn son was born,

I have gotten a man with the help of the Lord! ~ Genesis 4:1

Adam and Eve were ready right there and then for the Messiah to come and deal with sin and death and crush Satan and fix everything. But it was not to be, as evidenced by the murder of their second son, Abel. Had Eve learned the lesson that the promised redeemer was probably still far off in the future? No, her hope was unwavering. Of her next son she looked forward all the more to the promise,

God has appointed for me another offspring instead of Abel, for Cain killed him! ~ Genesis 4:25

Three sons, no Messiah. Not yet. Seth? No. Noah? Nearly, but no. Joseph? Not quite. God was doing a mighty work in showing us how evil evil can be. It was the promise of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil; it was the promise of a perpetual death that reigned. It was God writing a story that makes us hold fast to the good and hate the evil (Romans 12:9).

Eve certainly had not forgotten that another part of God’s promise for the blessing of a Messiah was the pain of childbirth (Genesis 3:16). Many mothers have experienced that pain in bringing human beings into the world. Much joy was shared, but the curse was ever present and the knowledge of evil—expressed in malice, death, sin, and suffering—grew and grew.

And still the promise lingered that she would be saved through childbearing (1 Timothy 2:15). Until one day a seed did arrive to crush Satan’s head.

But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. ~ Galatians 4:4–5

God prepared Jesus a body (Hebrews 10:5, quoting Psalm 40:6), just as he formed you and me in the womb (Psalm 139:13), so that he was born of woman, born under the law (Galatians 4:4), with this express purpose,

Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? Father, save me from this hour? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. Father, glorify your name. ~ John 12:27–28

and,

For this purpose I was born and for this purpose I have come into the world—to bear witness to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth listens to my voice. ~ John 19:37

“Countless babies have grown up to become kings. Only one king has ever chosen to become a baby,” says the old maxim. Because Eve had a baby, Seth’s wife was able to have a baby, later David and Bathsheba had a baby, and then Mary had a baby. He came into the world in the most normal of ways to show God’s power out of weakness.

God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. ~ 1 Corinthians 1:17–29

Timothy Brindle captures the irony when he sang, “I admit this is odd yet the Bible can persuade me: An omnipotent God, crying as a baby?”

Bebo Norman sang from the perspective of the herald angels,

And the angels filled the sky
All of heaven wondered why
Why their King would choose to be
Be a baby born to die.

And Sovereign Grace Music perfectly captures the birth narrative with,

Messiah born so small, asleep in cattle stall
Come to redeem our fall, nailed to a tree.
This tiny helpless child,
through death would reconcile
The holy God and vile, His grace so free.
O come, let us adore.

He would fulfill hundreds and hundreds of Bible verses in his life, none so clearly as his delight in and reliance upon his God of whom he said,

For you, O Lord, are my hope,
    my trust, O Lord, from my youth.
Upon you I have leaned from before my birth;
    you are he who took me from my mother’s womb.
My praise is continually of you. ~ Psalm 71:5–6

The Gifts of the Wisemen

Wisemen from Persia came to seek the newborn king. They brought gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh (Matthew 2:11). Some have made a joke that this wasn’t at all what a newborn baby needed for his birthday. An apocryphal song mentions that he “shivers in the night” and comedians have pointed out that a baby blanket might have been more appropriate.

But these gifts were meaningful and valuable. Recognize first that they were like gift-cards to buy whatever was necessary and they likely funded the escape into Egypt. But much more importantly they were symbolic of what we should all give to Jesus. Gold and frankincense were gifts that made sense to give at a baby shower. Not only were they valuable, but many have seen in them the representation of earthly wealth and worship of the newborn king.

But the gift of myrrh was a completely inappropriate gift to give at a baby shower; it was very foreboding. Myrrh was and is a funeral spice. The equivalent today would be giving a tiny coffin or a tombstone to new parents. It foretold the suffering and the death of that child, but it also represented the exchange of his life for ours.

John Henry Hopkins wrote We Three Kings of Orient Are in 1857 and captured the meaning behind the gifts. Gold to crown him as king. Frankincense (incense) to represent prayer and praising. But Myrrh “breathes a life of gathering gloom; sorrowing, sighing, bleeding, dying; sealed in a stone-cold tomb.” Hopkins concludes by telling us that Jesus is “King and God and Sacrifice”!

In a lesser-known song Hopkins revisits the Myrrh,

The myrrh, with bitter taste, foreshadows
    a life of sorrows, wounds, and woes;
The deadly cup, that overran
    with anguish for the Son of Man. ~ When from the East the Wise Men Came

As usual, Keith and Kristyn Getty do it best,

Gifts of men from distant lands,
    prophesy the story:
Gold—a King is born today,
Incense—God is with us,
Myrrh—His death will make a way,
    and by his blood He’ll win us. ~ Joy has Dawned

These Wisemen were not just seeking Jesus out of curiosity, but out of necessity. If there is one king whose kingdom will never pass away, one way to be reconciled to God, and one suffering servant to act as mediator, then every peril and cost is worth paying to fall down before him and worship him (Matthew 2:11); great was their rejoicing and joy (Matthew 2:10)!

At his feet they laid their wealth, worship, and suffering. What they went away with was eternal life, knowing the only true God and Jesus Christ whom he had sent (John 17:3).

Mary’s Sword

For all of the joy and wonder Mary must have felt as the Wisemen worshipped her son as she held him, she knew from a previous conversation that the life of Jesus would bring her much pain alongside the joy.

The pain promised to Eve in childbirth was not limited to physical pain or limited to Eve. The constant fear of death brought its own slavery (Hebrews 2:15, 2 Kings 4:20), the rebellion of foolishness brought its own sorrow and shame (Proverbs 10:1, 29:15), and the wickedness and danger of the world brought mothers to impossible places to watch their sons die (Genesis 21:15–16, 2 Samuel 2:10).

The pain of childbirth did not cease for Mary once the baby Jesus was safely swaddled and laid in a feeding trough. Her worries about money may have been allayed by the gifts of the Wisemen, but her knowledge of the suffering to come was only magnified.

Forty days after Jesus was born, Mary and Joseph brought the baby to the temple to dedicate him to God. They were met by a wise and godly man named Simeon. As the prophet held the baby, the baby held the universe (Colossians 3:17). Simeon blessed the family and prophesied over the baby and worshiped him as the Messiah as he described how great his ministry would be,

Behold, this child is appointed for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign that is opposed… so that thoughts from many hearts may be revealed. ~ Luke 2:34–35

But in the middle, he said something which would echo through the mind of Mary for the rest of her life, “A sword will pierce through your own soul also” (Luke 2:35). The pain of childbirth was far from over for Mary. The fear of death would come within two years when they had to carry the boy and flee to Egypt to escape the terrors of Herod.

Twelve years later she would search frantically for her son when he went missing in Jerusalem (Luke 2:43–49).

One day Jesus was overwhelmed by a crowd that had gathered. In Mary’s reaction we see that she was moving out of alignment with his will. Perhaps she was seeking to keep him from the pain she knew was on the horizon. Along with her other sons and daughters she went out to seize him, saying, “He is out of his mind” (Mark 3:20–21). But this did not stop him from speaking.

Christ would not neglect His Father’s business to oblige His mother. ~ Matthew Henry

Soon he was teaching Pharisees and they started to accuse him of having an unclean spirit and of being in league with the devil. Mary again sought to save him, standing outside and calling to him. Someone in the crowd interrupted to tell him what was going on. Clearly, and surely in earshot of Mary, he said, “Who are my mother and my brothers?... Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother” (Mark 3:31–35). How that must have stung Mary’s ears.  I wonder how many tears were shed over Jesus’ loving rebuke? He had to prove the proverb, “faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6) with his own mother, and he would not let even his relationship with her obscure the truth.

These words were unquestionably intended to reprove Mary’s eagerness, and she certainly acted improperly in attempting to interrupt the course of his instruction. ~ John Calvin

Mary, in all of the ways she was blessed, had to learn that her son had come to save sinners, and her desire for comfort and safety needed to be confronted just as plainly as the Pharisees who were calling him demon-possessed. Mary suffered here, surely, but it was for her own good, as is all of the suffering that God allows in our lives.

Mary obviously did not understand His life’s purpose completely at this point. She feared for Him, and perhaps for the family, as His actions were creating immense hostility. She knew the political and religious tension surrounding Him… Mary had to learn that she could not protect Him, nor could she claim any privileged access to Him based on human biology. She had to relate to Him not primarily as her boy, but as her Savior and Lord. ~ John MacArthur

If you know the story, you know that her suffering is far from over. Jesus continued his ministry and because he told the truth and shone light in the darkness, they hated him for it. His arrest, trial, and flogging happened quickly, and before long he was crucified. Look who is standing there:

But standing by the cross of Jesus [was] his mother… When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then he said to the disciple, “Behold your mother!” And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home. ~ John 19:25, 26–27

She was faithful to the end. Though she had opposed Jesus earlier in his ministry, she followed him now even in her grief.

She stood by the cross. What a sword it was that pierced through her soul when she saw him despised and rejected of men!... She could not speak; the grief was too deep to be expressed in words, but she stood by the cross of Jesus. What a wondrous martyr she was! What a witness to her Son’s sufferings! ~ Charles Spurgeon

Jesus suffered more on that cross than any sinner ever will in hell. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief; as one from whom men hide their faces, he was despised and we esteemed him not. He bore our griefs and carried our sorrows, we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities, upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed (Isaiah 53:3–6).

As the spear pierced the heart of Jesus, the sword promised by Simeon pierced Mary’s soul,

Christ was given to us with this condition: that we should not only share in his life, but also in his cross and death. As Mary was chosen to be his mother, she must be associated with him in the cross. Her son could not be exposed to such cruel torments, without the mother being agonized by the most piercing grief. ~ John Calvin

The Gift of Suffering

The baby, Jesus of Nazareth, was born to die. After his crucifixion he was laid in a tomb and hope died with him. But before he died, he had said something profound about what would happen to him that would make the world rejoice and them sorrowful until,

When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world! ~ John 16:21

No one had taken Jesus’ life from him, he had laid it down of his own accord, so that he could take it back up again (John 10:17–18)! He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame by triumphing over them (Colossians 2:15). He opened the graves of those who had died waiting for him and proved that he was the resurrection and the life (John 11:25–26, Matthew 27:52–53).

When David said he could not bring his son back, but he could go to him, a way needed to be opened to heaven. Our sins had locked and barred the gate. Angels with flaming swords ensured that heaven was not for us.

Between the sinner and God there was a great gulf fixed, deep as hell and broad as eternity. Who could bridge it? All the angels in heaven could not cast a single plank across that chasm. Where there was no way, Christ laid himself down and became the Way. He bridged the distance with His own body and blood, so that guilty rebels might cross safely into the presence of God. ~ Charles Spurgeon

Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life, and no one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6). All of those promises made to David and his offspring were fulfilled in Christ and the answer to all of them is “yes” in his resurrection.

Mary had surrendered to the Lord when she said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38). She knew the dangers of the world and the desperate need of a Saviour, but I’m sure she did not know how much it would cost her or how badly it would hurt. Would she have submitted so willingly to God if she had known the trials, temptations, and tribulations of the future? By God’s grace he brought them to her incrementally and allowed her to grow into them until she watched her son lifted up between heaven and earth, rejected by God and men, to die a sinner’s death.

But her story doesn’t end there. Despite her momentary lapse of opposing Jesus’ ministry, she is found faithful on Pentecost when she and her sons were praying and anticipating the kingdom of Christ (Acts 1:14).

Mark Lowry asked her rhetorically,

Mary, did you know that your baby boy has come to make you new? This child that you’ve delivered will soon deliver you! ~ Mary Did You Know?

What she lost in tears and heartache was nothing in comparison to the joy she gained through her suffering to know her son as Messiah. She truly learned what it was to call God her Saviour (Luke 1:47); let us all be so blessed (Luke 1:48).

Conclusion

I hope Mary's story will be a comfort to those who have suffered because of their children, who know the grief of a sword thrust through their souls, and who eagerly wait the dawn of the resurrection and the life. Her story was written before the foundations of the earth. Her pain was known to God before she could even fathom its depths.

God was with her from beginning to end and cared for her physical and spiritual needs. As she buried a son, I hope you see that the worst thing that could possibly happen may also be the best thing God could do. As God brought eternal life out of her son’s death, may God bring you to eternal life through your suffering.

Christ went willingly to the cross so that you—just like Mary—have open access to his Father, “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16). Please walk in that way and bring others with you, and realize that without the cross, there is no resurrection.

His brethren also were with them, who had formerly not believed on Him (John 7:5), but now were brought to faith in Him, and to join in fellowship with his followers. What a comfort must this have been to Mary, to see those sons who had formerly opposed Jesus now joining with her in praying to Him as Lord! ~ Matthew Henry